


Lust and Longing

by MDA_Writings



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexuality, Boss/Employee Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, Daddy Kink, Degradation, Dom/sub, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Jealous Aaron Hotchner, Light BDSM, Office Blow Jobs, Office Sex, Older Man/Younger Woman, Porn With Plot, Possessive Aaron Hotchner, Public Blow Jobs, Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 57,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26475229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MDA_Writings/pseuds/MDA_Writings
Summary: Acting on impulse, you show up at your boss, Aaron Hotchner's, doorstep in the middle of the night. The resulting night of passion kickstarts a timeline of events you never could've imagined. Crazy how one night could cause so much pain and pleasure.(also posted on wattpad)
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Reader
Comments: 35
Kudos: 315





	1. chapter one

You just didn't expect everything to come crashing down around you. Things weren't supposed to end like this. You can't breathe. With every inhale, it feels as if your lungs are screaming for more oxygen. Your skin is on fire. This isn't the ending you deserve. This isn't how the story ends for you, it can't be.

* * *

Fucking asshole. That's all you can think of as you storm through the dark, nighttime streets of Georgetown. You and the team had just gotten back from a hard case in California. Any case involving children was usually immensely emotionally draining. You wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch next to your boyfriend with a large glass of wine and a movie.

Unfortunately, you didn't even get a chance to pop the cork of a bottle. Within seconds of settling in, your boyfriend started up the classic 'your job is too dangerous, too time-consuming, too much traveling.' However, he managed to take the argument a step further when he angrily started throwing your belongings into a bag. With the duffel bag thrown over your shoulder, you stormed off into the night.

You aren't even quite sure where you're going or how you're going to get home. Your apartment is across the city. It would probably take you over an hour to walk home and your boyfriend didn't even bother to try and arrange a ride for you. That's when you realize there is someone in the city you can walk to.

You wrap your jacket tighter around your body and pick up the pace. As you reach Q Street, you feel the light drizzle of rain on your skin. You mutter out a few lines of expletives before haphazardly holding the duffel bag above your head to shield against the rain.

The rain is slowly picking up and you continue to speed walk down the uneven brick sidewalks, finally reaching the unfamiliar large white townhome. You rush up the steps to the door. You had never been inside his house before, just had heard the address in passing.

You raise your hand to the door before pausing. _Is this inappropriate?_ You have no other options. You'll just simply ask him for a ride home. You'll explain you got stranded and needed to get home. He'll understand. You knock a few times on the dark wood door.

He's always telling you he's there for you. You can tell he cares about you and everyone else on the team. The care for you, however, has always felt a little different. It's evident in everything he does for you.

It's evident in the way he always remembers how you take your coffee. Black, two sugars. The way he knocks on your hotel door in the morning, waiting to walk down to the lobby and drive to the station with you on a case. The way he always offers to drive you home after late nights in the office. He always says it's way too 'unsafe' for you to ride the metro late at night. You can't help but let out a soft laugh when he says that. He says it as if he hasn't seen you take down unsubs twice your size. He says it as if you don't keep your gun strapped to your hip the whole train ride home.

"Y/n?" Hotch's voice interrupts your thoughts, "What are you doing here? Are you okay?" His eyes quickly scan your body, searching for any evidence of injury.

"Yeah, yeah," You shake your head. You shiver, wrapping your sweater around you tighter. The rain is coming down strong now, but you're safe under the cover of Hotch's front step. You didn't even get a chance to take your jacket when you left.

You can't seem to bring yourself to speak for a second. You get caught up taking in the sight before you. Aaron Hotchner is wearing a pair of dark jeans and a casual t-shirt. His hair is slightly damp, evidence of a shower and it's tousled around messily. You've never seen him so casual, so... undone.

"Is there something wrong?" He asks you again. You pull your focus away from his appearance to look up into his eyes.

"Guys my age suck, you know that?" You sigh out frustratedly. _What the fuck are you saying?_

"I'm sorry, what?" Hotch's brows scrunch into their normal furrowed position.

"I mean why don't guys my age know how to treat me? I need someone mature. I need someone who isn't an asshole. I need a man, you know?" You drop your duffel bag on the front step.

"What are you...? Y/n this is— this is not an appropriate conversation that we should– uh I'm your boss. I don't need to know." Is Aaron Hotchner stuttering? Are you making him uncomfortable?

"Are you going to invite me in or not, Hotch?" You're being irrational. You're being childish and immature and you know it. But right now all you can focus on is the red hot anger that's been simmering inside you during the fast walk to Hotch's. Something about the way those few pieces of hair fall in front of Hotch's face spur you on to walk inside his home. Your anger at your boyfriend is transforming into an uncomfortable frustrated feeling in the pit of your stomach when you look at your boss.

"I'm not sure I understand," Hotch tries to maintain a diplomatic, respectful attitude, despite the fact that you've just stormed your way into his home uninvited. What a professional, respectful _man_.

"I'm sorry it's just... my boyfriend broke up with me and kicked me out on my ass and I don't have any way of getting home." As the words leave your mouth you become aware of how much you sound like a whiny high schooler.

"He just kicked you out?" Hotch raises a brow, but his tone is void of any sense of surprise.

"I told you. Guys my age act like children," Hotch shuts the door behind you, taking your duffel bag from the floor for you. You look around for a second before the disrespect of your actions finally begins to hit you hard, "I'm sorry, is Jack home, am I barging in?"

"No, no he's been staying with Jessica for the past few days." Hotch looks over your body once again but this time, you can sense it's different. It's not to make sure you're okay. Maybe it's the way your sweater is falling off slightly and your thin silk tank top straps are lying delicately on your shoulders. Or maybe it's the way your hair is messy from the brisk outdoor walk.

"Oh," You stand in the middle of his living room, feeling the weight of your actions.

"Y/n... what are you doing here?" He starts again, this time taking a few steps towards you and crossing his arms. Something about the way he's looking at you like a disappointed parent. You want to reach out and grab him and touch him and pull him close. Did somebody say daddy issues?

"I don't know I just needed someone," You pause, "No, actually I just needed you." You run a hand over your face. Hotch's arms uncross, hands falling to his sides. Hotch's emotionless face stares back at you, searching your frantic behavior. You can hear the gears turning in his brain as he struggles to profile your actions. Despite claims that the team never profiles one another, it's impossible to stop. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't analyzed Reid's attitude on a certain day or Hotch's short temper on another.

Anger has slowly dissipated from your body and become unbased, uncontrollable frustration with Hotch. It isn't like you never noticed that he's attractive. He's just... much older than you. You always go for the guys closer to your age. You go for the guys like Morgan. The muscle head, manly men. That's not to say you aren't intrigued by your unit chief. The way he got aggressive in interrogation has always been... interesting to you. Always stirs something inside of you.

"Me?" Hotch finally speaks up. You had slowly drifted closer, getting close enough to smell the soap and shampoo from his shower wafting off of him.

"Aren't you always saying you're there for me? Whenever I need something?" Your voice wavers, your actions empowered by hormones but your voice inhibited by insecurity. Your eyes dart away from his steely eyes to his soft lips. You pull your bottom lip in between your teeth.

"Yes, of course," Hotch nods, "I'll always be here for you. Whatever you need." You can sense the confusion in his expression slowly disappearing as you get closer. He's finally realizing what you really want.

"Really? Whatever I need?" You're inches away from him at this point. You have to look up at him to see him. Little do you know how perfectly innocent you look like that, staring up at him through your lashes. When he finally glances back down at you, you lose your composure. You act on impulse.

You grip the collar of his shirt tightly in your small fists pulling him down for a hungry needy kiss. His lips melt against yours and you moan into his mouth as both of his large hands cup your cheeks. Just as you pull away for a breath you feel him pull farther away from you. Your eyes flutter open and lock with his.

You're speechless. Why the fuck would he stop? He removes his hands from your cheeks and steps away slightly. "This is... inappropriate. I'm your boss."

"I know," You mutter breathlessly.

"You just broke up with your boyfriend," He pulls a hand back to run through his damp hair.

"So?" You can't drag your eyes away from his body. From his hands.

"I don't know what you want me to do here."

"You know exactly what I want you to do," You take a few more steps towards him and it's almost as if you can see him breaking down. His hands fall to his sides.

"Fuck it," He mutters. In seconds his large hands are roughly grabbing your cheeks again. This time the kiss is rough and harsh. His hands quickly groping your body. Your moans are loud but are swallowed up by Hotch as he hungrily kisses you repeatedly. His mouth travels down under your jaw, nipping and sucking the soft skin.

His actions are needy. His hands travel down to your waist gripping your hips so hard you can feel the bruises forming. Your moans grow louder by the second, your head cloudy with lust and desire. In one swift motion, Hotch lifts you up off the ground, not even bothering to attempt to make it to his bedroom. He collapses onto the couch with you straddling his lap.

You're desperate and harsh, frantically reaching for his shirt. You pull it up over his head, taking a break from the ravenous kisses to look over his face. Fuck. He's handsome.You swear a small smile spreads across his face before he reaches for your shirt as well.

Hotch is equally desperate and harsh with you, yet he's gentle at the same time. His large warm hands roam every inch of your body. As his hands reach around to unclasp your bra, you grab his face and pull him back for another sloppy kiss. You can't focus on anything but the feeling of lips on yours.

At this point, you're a moaning mess under the simplest touches. He unclasps your bra and reaches for the strap before pausing, "Are... are you sure?" He mumbles against your lips between kisses.

"Shut up and fuck me," you moan loudly. Hotch practically growls into your mouth as you grind your hips against his, feeling the bulge pressing against your pussy through your clothes. He pulls the bra from your chest, tossing it to the side and kissing down your neck all the way to take one of your nipples into his mouth.

"Who would've thought we'd end up here," You chuckle through a breathless moan as his tongue swirls around the pebbled skin of your nipple, sucking lightly.

"So fucking hot," Hotch growls against your chest as he moves to the other nipple giving it just as much attention. You can feel the vibrations deep inside you. That feeling has your pussy soaking wet with anticipation.

A wide smirk spreads across your face as you throw your head back with pleasure. Hotch soon trails his lips back up your chest to your neck and flips you off of his lap, laying you back on the couch. He falls to the floor in front of you, kissing all the way down your body at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Do you know how long I've wanted this? Wanted you melting under my touch, under my kiss?" His words have you clenching your thighs together, your pussy throbbing with anticipation of pleasure.

"Mm," You shake your head 'no,' biting your lip harshly as he trails his lips to the top of your jeans, finally unbuttoning them and pushing them down along with your lace panties. You had worn those for your boyfriend. You never expected them to be tossed on the floor of Aaron Hotchner's apartment.

"You wore those for him," He parts your tightly clenched thighs with his big, strong hands, "But I'm the one that gets to fuck you tonight." A wicked grin grows rapidly across his lips. "I'm the one that will make you cum."

You're speechless. You don't even know what to say. How do you respond when your boss is about to bury his head between your thighs and devour you? Before you have a chance to even think of an answer, Hotch buries his head between your thighs, giving your soaking pussy one long stroke of his tongue. He sucks on your clit for a second before pulling away and lightly kissing your inner thighs. You're aching for him.

"Fucking god— Fuck please just-" You can't even form a coherent thought. Your body is on fire with longing.

"Please... what?" Hotch looks up from between your legs, his eyes taking on a devilish shine.

"Please eat my pussy," You groan loudly and he smirks before finally giving you what you need. You hiss with pleasure. You can tell from his smug expression that he's proud of himself for having control over you. He's proud of the fact that he's able to reduce you to stuttering.

His tongue begins to roughly lick at your clit and you're a fucking mess. He sucks lightly, teasing your entrance with two fingers. You grind your hips against his mouth needing more friction. Once he begins to suck on your clit you let out a consistent string of curses and incoherent whines and moans.

You tighten your thighs around his head, every nerve ending on fire. His fingers thrust in and out of you harshly and once you feel him hit your g spot, curling his fingers, you let out a loud breathy, "Fuck! Please I'm close."

The knot builds rapidly in your stomach and you writhe with pleasure. His hands pin you down holding you in place as he continues to rapidly devour you. Just as the stars begin to spot your vision you let out an unexpected cry, followed by, "Fuck! Aaron!" His name rolls off your tongue as you tremble with pleasure, thighs shaking, eyes rolling back into your head. You're not even aware that it's the first time you've ever said his first name.

He proceeds to lick and suck your clit, cleaning up your juices, greatly extending your orgasm. Finally, he pulls away to kiss back up your body, kissing your lips roughly. You can taste yourself on his lips and your eyes flutter open as he pulls away, cleaning his two fingers with his mouth. God that's hot.

"Say it again," He groans and palms himself through his pants as he steps away to look over your sweaty, pleasure ridden body.

"What?" You pant out, leaning up on your elbows.

"Say my name," His hands work to unbuckle his belt frantically, looping into his pants and boxers pushing them all the way down. You open your mouth to speak but instead, your jaw drops at the incredible sight of Hotch stripped completely naked. Your eyes travel over his toned body quickly but settle on his hard cock.

"Please... fuck me Aaron," You whine out.

"Get on your hands and knees," He commands gruffly, one of his hands going down to pump his cock as he looks over you. Your limbs feel like jello from your orgasm as you flip onto all fours. You feel so vulnerable, so exposed. It's exhilarating.

Hotch comes up behind you, teasing your wet entrance with his tip. "I want you begging me to cum again."

You let out a moan in response and attempt to push your hips back against his but his hands grip your hips firmly, nails digging into the skin as he keeps you in place.

"Do I make myself clear?" He grips your hair, pulling you up, back arching harshly so he can mumble in your ear.

"Yes sir," You whine out.

He releases your hair and you can barely hold your own head up. You feel racked with pleasure and pain, the two mixing together in just the right ways. Your boyfriend had never treated you like this.

"Tell me what you want," He presses his tip into you and you cry out excitedly.

"I want you to fuck me!" You beg, sounding pathetically weak.

Hotch mumbles a soft 'good girl' before parting your legs further, thrusting himself fully into you. His cock stretches and fills you perfectly. "So fucking wet for me." He groans out and you chant a few curses as he picks up the pace.

He bends down, planting a few kisses and small nips along the expanse of your back. "I want you screaming my name." Hotch groans and tangles his hands in your hair again, yanking your head back. "That's what you want, right?"

"Yes sir!" You cry out as he starts to bury his cock deeper and deeper with each thrust. He hits your cervix roughly, reducing you to more curses and moans, "I want to cum around your big cock, sir." You can barely get words out, your eyes rolling back in your head as he tugs on your hair with one hand and grips your hip tightly in the other.

He reaches around with the hand that was on your hip to rub harsh circles on your clit and you feel the pressure building between your hips again. Your arms start to tremble. You can't hold yourself up. Aaron is unrelenting, pounding into you over and over again. You can feel his pace growing frantic. His hips buck wildly. He's close too.

"Fuck Aaron I'm going to cum!" You cry out, Aaron yanking you up to whisper in your ear.

"You're such a good girl," His voice is crackling and rough. A groan cuts through his voice and you fall apart. You cum hard around his cock, legs shaking, clenching around him. Your eyes are watering as he continues to thrust roughly throughout your orgasm. The overstimulation has you struggling to breathe. You can't even see clearly, feeling light-headed as you pant heavily. It's not long before he's groaning behind you, his cock throbbing with pleasure inside you.

He rides out his orgasm and releases your hair from his grip. When he does, your arms finally give out from under you, your body going limp. Aaron pulls out from you and sits onto the couch beside you. You just lie there on your stomach, breathing ragged and erratic. You struggle to normalize your heart rate.

You take another second before flipping onto your back, sweat coating your entire body, your legs still trembling slightly from your intense orgasms. You open your eyes to look at Hotch but see him standing up, pulling on his boxers, and disappearing into the next room. You're confused but you see him return with a small washcloth.

"Here," He says softly and sits beside you again, parting your legs and cleaning up the mess between your thighs.

Your smile grows as you look down at him, "I've never..." You pause and chuckle softly, "I've never had sex like that before."

Hotch fights back a smile, "You must've been fucking the wrong people then."

"I think I'm realizing that," You finally muster the strength to sit up. "You know now that I think about it, I totally could have just called an Uber." Your laugh rings out through his quiet house.

"God, am I glad you didn't." He groans, pulling you close for another desperate kiss.


	2. chapter two

_"You're such a good girl"_

The abrasive noise of your alarm clock pierces through the euphoric dream you were enjoying. Visions of Hotch's large hands roaming your body dance through your dreams. You vividly remember the feeling of his cock buried inside you. The feeling of his fingers tangled in your hair. His deep, gravelly voice as he bossed you around.

You didn't get home until late last night. Hotch invited you to spend the night, but you decided against it. You know that whatever happened last night was just sex. There was no confession of feelings. No emotional component to any of it. That means no obligations. No need to stay over, no need to complicate things. No strings attached. Just sex.

As soon as you get out of bed your legs go weak, soreness growing between your thighs with every step. You enter the bathroom surveying the damage Hotch did to you. Your neck and chest are littered with bruises. Thankfully, they're ones that are easily coverable with makeup. Your neck is insanely sore from all the hair-pulling and the bruising along your hips and waist is dark. Small crescent shapes mark your hip bones where his nails dug into the skin, drawing blood. Your hands travel over the bruising on your hips and your face flushes at the memories. A large smile grows on your face.

One extra long shower and half a bagel later, you're running late for work (like always) and quickly throw your ready bag together. Despite your tardiness, you still stop for a cup of coffee.

You've been distracted all morning. You can't stop your mind from traveling. The way Hotch bossed you around last night. The way he yanked your head back. The way he fucked you with such dominance. The way you came harder than ever... twice. Yeah, you definitely have never had sex like that before.

"Just the one coffee?" The barista pulls your mind back to the present.

You pause. Normally, you and Hotch buy coffee for each other all the time. You both complain about the shit quality of police station coffee until one of you finally gives in and runs to the nearest cafe. Should you get him a coffee? No. Coffee complicates things. But things were already complicated. You fucked your boss. Now you can't even buy him a simple cup of coffee without worrying about the implications.

As you pull into the parking garage and gather up your belongings you realize something. You called him sir. Last night. You called him sir. That's what you call him on the job. Jesus fucking christ. How are you supposed to look at him the same? How are you going to hold yourself together in front of the team? How could you possibly fool a whole team of profilers?

You reluctantly drag yourself inside the office, settle in at your desk, and get started on some paperwork, hoping to direct your energy elsewhere. You find yourself glancing up at Hotch's office every few minutes, expecting him to come out looking for you.

Nearly two hours go by and Hotch has yet to leave his office. The only glimpses you get of him are through the blinds. His eyes are trained on the work on his desk. His focus is unwavering. You honestly wonder if he'll ever look up, look for you. It's silly. Why would he look to make sure you're at work? Why wouldn't you be at work? But why does he seem so unfazed? You look up at his closed office door for just about the 10th time in the past 10 minutes which finally elicits a small chuckle out of Derek.

"What's going on with you and Hotch?" Reid asks without even looking up from his computer.

"What? Nothing. Me and Hotch? Why do you ask?" You curse yourself for the frantic tone of voice. As a profiler, you should know better and be able to control your microexpressions better.

Derek leans back in his chair looking at you. "You've looked up at his office about a million times today."

"Actually about 14 times in the past 20 minutes. 37 times since she got here." Reid chimes in without looking up.

"You're acting weird." Derek clarifies.

"I'm acting weird?" You try to force a small laugh, "I'm sorry, have you met Reid?"

"How did I manage to get insulted?" Reid finally looks up from his crossword.

"You two are prying too much," You narrow your eyes, "But no nothing is going on between me and Hotch."

"What about you and Hotch?" JJ asks as she and Emily step into the bullpen.

"Nothing," You shake your head, "You all need to learn to mind your own business."

"How can I? My life seems so..." JJ's eyes narrow slightly and she leans in close, "Uninteresting. Are those bruises on your neck?"

"What?" Emily moves to get a better look at you. You bury yourself deeper into your chair feeling your face grow hot with embarrassment.

"Alright, alright! Y/N! Who is the lucky man?" Morgan smirks wildly at you as Emily sits on the edge of your dusk, nudging your shoulder slightly, "Oh I get it now! Hotch..." Your heart drops into your stomach. You feel panic set in. Two hours and they've already figured you out. "Hotch knows the guy you're sleeping with. You don't want him to tell us."

"No." You reply curtly and roll your eyes.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" Reid cranes his head around, his eyes narrowing on your neck. Even he's trying to get a good look at your bruises.

"Used to," You say simply.

"Oh say less," Morgan chuckles, "Break-up sex, I get it."

"Wait, you had a boyfriend?" Emily raises a brow, "How come Reid knew about him and we didn't?"

"We travel home on the metro together. Things come out," You shrug desperately trying to shirk their attention and focus in on your work.

The moment you've been waiting for all morning saves you from more humiliation: Hotch's office door opens. The man of the hour steps out. "Guys, we have a case."

You and the entire team make your way upstairs into the conference room. You take the seat closest to Reid and anxiously play with your hands in your lap.

"Garcia, the case." Hotch finally enters the conference room and barely gives you a second look. You, however, can't take your eyes off of him. He looks amazing. He's wearing a black suit, black pants, and a thin red tie. Now that you know what's underneath his clothing it's all you can think about.

"We have an unsub killing couples in New Orleans," Garcia clicks the remote, the monitor coming to life, images of the victims filling the screen. "Killed the men, sexually assaulted the women." Garcia shudders, turning away from the imagery.

"This guy is extremely aggressive and violent with the men and his cooling-off period is shortening, and fast," Hotch's voice is calm and demanding. So demanding... Reid begins to ramble on about statistics of killed couples, referencing Son of Sam but your mind has already fixated on something else.

_"You're such a good girl"_

The phrase is intrusive. It's been playing on repeat in your head over and over again all day. You find yourself unconsciously biting the end of your pen, eyes never leaving Hotch. He cocks his head to the side as he listens to Garcia. His brows remain furrowed as you see him running the facts of the case in his head. You twirl the pen around your fingers. Your thighs unconsciously clench together thinking of the hidden bruises under your clothes.

It's exciting having a secret. No one in the room knows about the marks he left on you. No one knows about the way you screamed his first name.

That's when Hotch finally looks over at you. You can see the hunger in his eyes. You can see the way he looks you up and down. Your tongue darts out to wet your bottom lip and his eyes focus in on your plump lips. He slowly drags his eyes away from you, but you can't take yours off of him.

He clears his throat roughly, "Wheels up in 30."

As everyone files out, gathering up the materials for the case and heading down to the bullpen to get their ready bags, you remain cemented in place. He was too calm. Too collected. You, however, are a mess. How the fuck is he so calm? You rise from your chair, immediately walking down the walkway to his office.

"Sir—?" As soon as the word leaves your mouth you regret it, feeling your face flush. You knock lightly on the open door of Hotch's office.

"Come in," You push open the door all the way. Hotch is standing at his desk, packing up his briefcase and ready bag, "Agent Y/L/N. You need something?"

You practically scoff at how casual he is, "You're unbelievable.." You laugh slightly. You turn to shut the door, unintentionally slamming it.

"Excuse me?" Hotch raises a brow at your actions.

"You ruined me!" You point a finger at him. You must look insane to him. Here you are, face flushed, hair messily tousled around from running your hands through it. You stare at him incredulously, as if he can read your sex-crazed mind.

"I'm sorry?" He puts down the file he's holding, "Did I do something wrong?" His face softens from the harsh resting face he normally has plastered on. He's genuinely concerned he's done something to hurt you.

"I don't even know a single fact about this fucking case," You groan and take a few steps towards his desk. You place your palms flat on the top of the desk, leaning forward, "All I could think about was your hot mouth all over my body." Your voice unconsciously comes out as a moan.

Hotch doesn't speak. His eyes rake over your body. He shakes his head and drops his bags to the ground. Without a word, he briskly walks to the door and locks it. He pauses with his back to you.

You turn around, placing your hands behind you on the desk, leaning back, "So you're just not going to say anything at—"

"Shut up," He groans. In seconds, he's rushing over to you. He wraps one arm behind your back, simultaneously pulling you flush against him and pushing you back against his desk. The back of your legs hit the desk. "You think I can focus? Watching you walk around here dressed like that. How am I supposed to lead this team if all I want to do is bend you over and fuck you like a little slut," His voice is deep and gravelly.

Your face is just inches from his, "You want to... what?" Your heart is pounding. Your face flushes. Your body feels hot.

"You heard me," He mutters and looks down at your body. He takes the thin fabric of your silk shirt between his fingers, "I can't stop thinking about how you look underneath all these clothes."

"I can't stop thinking about being your good girl," You moan the last part loudly, and as you do you feel the large bulge growing in his pants pressing against your thigh.

You reach down to palm him roughly and he lets out a loud groan. "Fuck, Y/N. We can't. We have a-" He pauses to groan louder as you kiss under his jaw. "A case."

"I think I remember you saying we have 30 minutes," You mumble softly on his skin. "I can't stop thinking about your mouth on my pussy. Now it's your turn to suffer all day," You groan and push him back towards the couch. He drops onto the cushions with a small bounce and a grin spreads across his face.

You're quick to drop to your knees and unbuckle his pants. You pull his pants and boxers down just enough to let his growing erection free. You smirk up at him before licking slowly from base to tip, up his whole length.

He throws his head back and lets out a low, guttural moan, "Fuck such a good girl."

There's that phrase again. That phrase that makes you tremble with excitement and pleasure. The phrase that has you clenching your thighs at the warm wetness growing between them. You take him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around his tip. His fingers move to tangle themselves in your hair, guiding your pace. He shoves you down a little farther.

You let out a small gagging noise but reach to pump his remaining length with your hand. Hotch grins at the sound, "You like that, don't you? You like it when I'm rough with you." He groans loudly as you begin to pump him faster.

Tears sting your eyes as you feel your lungs burning slightly. Hotch keeps your head bobbing roughly and you can't help but feel aroused at the whole thing. The way he's both falling apart under your touch but still remains commanding and rough. "You know how much I wanted to see you on your knees like this. Letting me fuck that dirty little mouth."

He tugs at the roots of your hair harshly, pushing your head all the way down to the bottom of his shaft before pulling you back up to the tip agonizingly slow. You suck his tip, swirling your tongue, desperately taking in air through your nose, your lungs burning.

His hips begin thrusting erratically and you can feel him growing desperate to fuck your mouth a little harder and faster, "Fuck. Such a good little slut. You're going take all of me," He growls and roughly pushes your head all the way down once again. This time when you pull up, licking every inch of his cock, you feel him pulsate and he lets out a series of curses and loud moans, shooting his load into your mouth as he does. You swallow the bitter fluid and pull away from him with a large smirk.

You're overwhelmed with a feeling of pride, despite the fact that you probably look a mess. You feel tears staining your cheeks and you wipe the saliva from your mouth and chin. Even though Hotch is controlling and demanding, you're the one who just reduced him to a series of moans with your lips wrapped around his cock.

He sits up slightly and starts to buckle up his belt again.

"You'll never be able to focus on anything else when I open my mouth," You stand up from the floor and smirk.

"Oh, you're proud of yourself?" He smirks down at you, "Just you wait, baby. You'll get yours in time."

* * *

"Wait, so he takes couples that just met each other? I'm confused," Reid scrunches up his brows, "Their DNA was all over the other."

"They were one-night stands, flings," Rossi chimes in, clearing up the young genius' confusion, "He's punishing them for their freedom of sexuality. He's punishing them for having sex."

"He can't get it up without the killing of the man," Emily has a disgusted look across her face, "So he kills the men so he can rape the women."

"Hey guys, come look at this," You gesture to the map that you've put up on the board with little markers of each of the locations of the kills.

"You have something?" Hotch looks over you. You return his gaze but immediately break eye contact, already starting to lose your train of thought just looking into those eyes.

"We were trying to figure out how he finds his victims, we figured a bar or a club," You point to a circle on the map, "We need to have Garcia search for the most popular bars and clubs in this area, my guess is there aren't many. I think he lives in the main city but travels further away to kill."

"We need to set a trap," Rossi nods, "We need to draw him to us. We have the sketch from the witness from the first scene. We hand that out to the staff in the club."

"We send a couple in," Emily nods and her eyes immediately go to you.

"Oh god," You groan and hold your head slightly, "Clubs are torture already, now I don't even get to drink and I have to catch a serial killer?"

JJ lets out a small laugh, "You're the youngest here. You'll definitely draw the attention of any man there." She smirks, nudging your arm slightly. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Hotch slightly clenching his hands at his sides.

"I'll go in with you," Morgan nods, "Pose as the man you're taking home for the night."

"In your dreams," You laugh and Morgan rolls his eyes but still smirks.

"No," Hotch speaks up, "Morgan, you don't fit the victimology."

"Do we have a better option?" Morgan gestures towards Rossi and Reid, "I don't either of them will make a more convincing date for her."

Hotch crosses one arm across his chest and brings his hand up to his mouth, pausing in thought, "I'll go."

Your mouth drops open slightly. The whole team goes silent.

"No offense Hotch but... are you sure you can sell the whole thing?" JJ asks him softly, glancing between the rest of the team.

"I mean," Reid speaks, "Statistically, you're well above the average age in those clubs."

"Plus most men don't go clubbing in an Armani suit," Rossi laughs.

Hotch shakes his head, "I'm closer to victimology than Morgan, I pose a greater threat to his masculinity than Reid." Reid's face scrunches up slightly at that.

"Do I get a say in this at all? Or is everyone just going to decide who I have to flirt with all night?" You finally speak up. Not that you would be opposed to flirting with Hotch but you have a feeling that will just draw your focus away from the case.

"No. I'm the leader of this team. I make the final decision. I'm going in with you," Hotch's eyes are piercing your own and you let out a sigh.

"Great," You roll your eyes.

"You have something to wear?" Emily smiles at you.

"Yes, yes I do." You look over at Hotch and it takes everything in you not to smirk at him.

* * *

"Y/n?" Hotch's voice rings out as he knocks on the doorway to the small locker room.

"Yeah come in!" You pull the straps of your dress onto your shoulders. Hotch walks in and you see him slowly drag his eyes up and down your whole figure. He's still in his blazer and button-down but his undone tie hangs around his neck. Something about that simple image makes your stomach flutter and turn over in knots.

You glance over Hotch, seeing his fingers rubbing together slightly at his side. It's a small gesture you probably wouldn't notice at first but you've spent so much time with him, so much time looking at him, that you've noticed he does it absentmindedly, "Did you have something you needed?" You smirk watching Hotch get lost in the sight of you. You reach into your bag for the high stilettos and slip them on.

Hotch is mesmerized and tries his best to clear his throat, "I just wanted to check in with you. Make sure you're..." He trails as you prop your foot up on the bench to buckle the heels. His eyes follow your leg line all the way up.

"Can you help me zip this up?" You turn and flash him the back of your unzipped dress. The strap of your lacy black bra is exposed and you take your time lifting the hair off your neck. You hear him suck in a small breath and walk over to you.

"You're okay with this right?" He inches closer to you, his hand reaching for the zip that lies at the top of your ass. He drags the zipper up slowly, his fingers brushing against your spine as he does.

"Yeah. It's going to help us catch him in action," You bit your lip at his touch, struggling to hold in a moan.

"Good," He mutters under his breath and you turn to face him, your chest inches from his. You glance up at him and his eyes dart down to your lips.

"We should get going soon," Your voice is soft and you can tell he's barely paying attention. You feel yourself gravitating towards him, just a few inches closer and you could press your lips against his.

"Yeah we should," He agrees, but neither of you even attempt to move apart. The two of you stand there in silence for a few seconds. Both of you are waiting for the other to make a move first. You remain cemented in place, wondering who is gonna break the tension and pull the other close for a kiss. Finally, Hotch's fingers lightly rest on your chin, tilting your head up. His large, calloused thumb runs along your chin and then gently against your bottom lip, pulling it down.

"I need to get ready," His voice is a crackling whisper. You can tell he's struggling to hide a small groan. Just as you're starting to break, melting into the touch, he pulls away and turns to leave the locker room. The tension doesn't leave your body when he leaves however, just the thought of him has you standing there clenching your thighs together tightly. Tonight is going to be rough.

* * *

"The bartender just alerted us that he ordered a drink just a few minutes ago. You think you guys can get his attention?" Morgan's voice comes through your earpiece and you glance across the club at Hotch. He gives you a small nod. You smirk at how out of place he looks in this setting. He's no longer decked out in his normal suit and tie. He has on casual jeans and a black button-down, unbuttoned at the top, the sleeves rolled up his forearms.

You blend in with just about every other 20 something-year-old in this club. Your tight red dress that hugs every inch of your body perfectly. You look like a young, spontaneous, fun-loving college student. Hell, the bartender even carded you when you went to order a drink.

"Don't worry. I've got this," You pull the earpiece from your ear and tuck it into your dress so it will be undetectable to the unsub. You disappear into the crowd, throwing your hands up in the air, letting your body naturally move to the music. You feel two hands wrap around your waist from behind and you grind back into the body.

You turn around and face the young man swaying in rhythm with you. He grins and you give a small giggle in return. You slowly let your arms rise above your head. If this wasn't a job, this man would definitely not be going home alone tonight. You turn around once again, grinding your ass into him and notice another girl come up to join you guys as you dance.

You smirk and pull her close to you, pressing your forehead against hers, sloppily kissing her and feeling her up. You glance back towards the bar and lock eyes with Hotch. He's a good distance away, but you can see his eyes glossed over with lust and his jaw clenching tightly.

After a few minutes, you pull away from that couple, moving deeper into the crowd, dancing with any and every person who looks your way. You grind up on a few men, even kiss a few women. You let the music control your body and you let loose. You're definitely drawing attention at this point. It would be impossible for the unsub not to have noticed you.

You remember the plan. You look back to the bar, searching for Hotch. You're supposed to look at him, walk to the bar, start chatting with him, and then leave with him. However, Hotch has disappeared entirely. He's not where he was before. That's when a strong hand moves to grab your arm and drag you from the dance floor.

"What the—" You look at Hotch as he pulls you out of the crowd. You want to yell at him for startling you, for changing the plan but you can't give up your cover. For right now, he's just a man you just met at a bar, not your asshole boss dragging you by the arm like you're a little kid.

Hotch doesn't let up the death grip on your arm, practically dragging you back towards the bathrooms. He pushes past the people in the club, forcing his way through the masses and pulling you into the bathroom.

"What the fuck?" You sigh when he finally releases your wrist.

"We're supposed to get the unsub's attention. Get him to think we're off hooking up." He turns and locks the bathroom door.

"That wasn't the plan. I was supposed to come up to you." You scoff and shake your head. "Plus, you didn't have to be so aggressive."

Hotch's gaze hardens. He's got his classic angry resting face on and his eyes run over you. He reaches for his earpiece and turns it off. "What the fuck was I supposed to do? Watch you throwing yourself all over everyone?"

You roll your eyes, "It's part of the plan."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it." He crosses his arms.

"Oh my god," You let out a little laugh, "Oh my god. Are you... are you jealous?"

Hotch rolls his eyes before pulling you flush against him, "I don't get jealous." He growls. He grips your hips with bruising strength and lifts you up onto the sink, "Because I know I'm the only one here who can fuck you right." He presses his lips against yours with need and you melt against him.

You open your legs slightly, pulling him to stand in between them. Your moans melt into his mouth effortlessly. His hand snakes in between you two to hike up your dress. His hand goes to your wet pussy when he realizes you're not wearing panties. "You are such a horny little brat," He groans into your mouth.

You smirk against his lips, "Didn't want underwear lines with the dress."

"No, you wanted me to fuck you in this dress, didn't you?" Hotch roughly rubs your clit with his thumb and you cry out in response. He doesn't hesitate before thrusting two fingers inside of you, pumping them roughly, "Answer me, brat."

"Y-Yes Sir," You purr out the word and see the wicked grin growing on his face. You fumble for his pants and quickly undo them, pushing them down enough to free his cock. He's already rock hard.

He continues to finger fuck you roughly, causing you to pant and moan erratically, "You are such a naughty girl." He chuckles, "You want me to fuck you in this bathroom like a little whore?"

"Please Aaron! Please," You whine as he pulls you off the counter. He flips you around so you're gripping the edge of the sink. He hikes up your dress, taking a second to admire the fading bruises from your first night together. He gives your ass a hard spank and you cry out, clenching your pussy at the hit. Without warning, he roughly thrusts up into you. It's messy and dirty and rushed but there he is, fucking you mercilessly on the countertop in a bathroom.

"So wet for me," He growls, "Look at what a little slut you are." You look up into the mirror above the sink and you feel overwhelmed with pleasure at the sight. You can see your flushed bright red face and messy hair. Your face is contorted with pleasure as you watch Hotch fuck you from behind through the dirty bathroom mirror. He throws his head back with pleasure and lets out a string of groans.

"That's how good I fuck you, baby," He groans and grips your hair, "Look at how much of a mess I make you." He reaches around with his free hand, rubbing your clit roughly.

"Oh god," You pant heavily, "Oh god I want to cum please."

Hotch releases your hair so he can give you a hard smack on your ass as he begins to thrust even deeper into you. Your eyes are practically rolling back into your head. "I want to feel you tighten around my cock."

You feel the knot building in your stomach and in just a few seconds you feel your orgasm overtake you. Your legs tremble with pleasure as you let out a series of loud moans. Then you let out an unexpected phrase. "Oh fuck, daddy, yes!" Your arms shake as you grip the countertop tighter.

You clench around his cock and he continues fucking you through your orgasm until you hear him groaning loudly behind you, "Fuck. What a good girl," He grunts slightly and you feel him release inside you, his cock pulsating as he does. "You make me feel so good, baby."

You stand there a minute, leaning on the sink, panting rapidly, trying to catch your breath. He pulls out of you and turns you around. He pulls up his jeans and buckles them while you fix your dress.

He reaches around you for a paper towel, running some cool water over it and cooling off your face before cleaning up your legs. It shocks you how Aaron is able to be so harsh and demanding yet gentle at the same time. "Hey," He speaks up softly and reaches for your chin so you look at him.

You fight the growing smile on your face and Hotch leans in to do something new. He kisses you softly. It's slow and gentle, not hungry and needy like usual. One of his hands cups your cheek.

"We should get back out there. The team is probably worried." You breathe out against his lips, pulling away to rest your forehead against his.

"Yeah," He nods and reaches to turn back on your earpiece and his own. He reaches for your hand, walking you out of the bathroom. As you do, you feel something cold press up against your back. You hear a gun cock.

"We're all going to walk out of here nice and calm, otherwise the whore gets a round of bullets in her back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JEALOUS HOTCH MAKES ME—. 
> 
> Boy, y'all are not even CLOSE to ready for what I have planned. I love you all so much.


	3. chapter three

"Open the door," The unsub commands. Hotch reaches forward and opens the heavy metal door at the back of the club. He walks both of you out before forcefully shoving you forward. "You stay over there." He wheels around to aim his gun at Hotch. It shouldn't be long before the team shows up. You had turned both of the earpieces back on after leaving the bathroom. They're hearing all this. They're coming for you guys. No one's going to get hurt.

At least, that's what you keep telling yourself.

You know that Hotch has a gun in his ankle holster, but in the time it would take for him to reach down and draw his weapon, the unsub will surely kill him. You can read the unsub's body language. He's frantic. His hands shake at his sides. The team's profile was right, he's devolving. There's not much time before he will take out Hotch and then turn his attention on you.

The unsub points the gun at Hotch before whirling to you and then back to Hotch, "What does he have that I don't? Why do you want him instead of me?"

"Because I didn't see you," You try, "I saw him first."

"I danced with you just like everyone else," The unsub's hand is trembling as he keeps moving between you and Hotch, never giving Hotch an opening to draw his gun.

You feel sick to your stomach. The thought of the unsub trailing his hands over your body and you... you let him. Hotch was right. You didn't have to dance like that with everyone. You didn't have to draw quite so much attention.

Deep down, however, you knew it would rile Hotch up. You knew it would make him jealous. You wanted him to dominate you. You wanted him angry. Now that all seems so immature. So ridiculous. You sacrificed your morals, and for what? To get fucked in a dirty club bathroom? To hear Aaron Hotchner call you a dirty slut?

"You didn't see me because you just wanted a man like him," He directs the gun back in Hotch's direction. "A suit. A muscle man. They're worthless, you know that? They can't treat you right. Not that a whore like you deserves anything."

Your words fail you. Normally, just like everyone else on the team, you have no problem talking the unsub down. Watching him point the gun at Hotch renders you more speechless than usual for one specific reason. Hotch doesn't even flinch for a second as the unsub stalks towards him, touching the barrel of his gun to Hotch's forehead.

"I don't want him. I want you," You let out, seeing the moment as your window of opportunity. You rush towards the unsub and he does exactly what you expect. He turns his attention to you.

"You're just a worthless whore." He reels his hand back, hitting your face hard with the butt of his gun. You collapse to the ground, scraping up your knees and hands. Within an instant, you hear shots ring out, the unsub falling just a few inches away from you.

His eyes lock with yours, his face contorted and riddled with pain. You swear you see him smirk for a second before life leaves his eyes. His cold dead eyes remain trained on you while you catch your breath, pushing yourself to a sitting position. You see Hotch with his gun raised, face scrunched into anger, eyes trained on the unsub.

He looks at you and puts his gun away, walking over. Hotch searches your whole body for injury. Your face stings harshly and you reach up, pulling back bloody fingers. You place your palms on the ground, ready to push yourself up but Hotch places a hand on your shoulder, keeping you planted on the ground, "You shouldn't move. We need to make sure you're okay first."

You hear the ambulances approaching quickly and you hear the voices of the rest of the team but you can't focus. You simply nod numbly, your mind still focused on the unsub's words to you. _You're a worthless whore._

* * *

You drop into the seat next to Hotch at the table on the jet. Your head still throbs from the hard hit of the gun despite the fact that the paramedics assured you that you don't have a concussion. Hotch turns in his seat, his eyes are soft as he looks over the small cut on your cheek.

"I'm fine, Hotch," You reassure him. He reaches forward, gripping your chin in his rough calloused fingers. He tilts your face side to side, surveying the light bruise and small cut.

"I should've been faster," He chides himself. "I knew it was a bad plan, to begin with."

"Hotch," You try to pull him out of the dark spiral. He always does this. He takes on full responsibility for everything that ever happens to the team. You can't let him continually blame himself for this. It was your decision to rush the unsub. You knew what would happen.

"I should've been faster." He repeats himself. "I can't let you," He sucks in a small breath, "Or anyone on the team get hurt. It's my job to keep you safe."

You glance around the jet, every team member peacefully sleeping on their respective seats and couches. "Aaron," You soothe softly and place a reassuring hand on his knee.

His eyes immediately dart down at your touch before looking around at the team members on the jet. "I-I don't know what came over me in the club. If I hadn't dragged you to that bathroom and turned off our earpieces..."

"And fucked me into next week," You mumble with a small laugh.

"If I hadn't done that, maybe you wouldn't have gotten hurt. I would've been more focused." Hotch doesn't smile but you can sense his amusement, "You have me completely thrown off. I can't think straight around you."

"This is not your fault," You know that he isn't really listening to you. Your words are going in one ear and out the other.

"You just need to relax a bit more," You nod softly and give one more look around at the sleeping team on the jet. Your hand on his knee climbs higher and he sucks in a breath.

"I'm trying to be serious here, Y/n," He groans out softly.

"Aaron," You purr out his name, knowing it'll make him crumble. Your hand trails up his inner thigh and ghosts over his crotch.

"I would be very careful if I were you," He struggles to keep his voice quiet.

"Why? Are you going to punish me... _Sir_ ," With that, you palm him through his pants, feeling a bulge already form under your touch. His eyes darken at that and he grabs your wrist tightly.

"Don't be such a brat," He growls out the last word and searches your eyes hungrily, "You'll regret it."

"Oh really?" You raise a brow at him. Your hand moving a little more deliberately, massaging the outline of his cock through his pants.

"Do you know how inappropriate this is?" Hotch clenches his jaw as you slowly unbuckle his belt.

"That seems to be your catchphrase recently," You dip your hand into his pants, running your fingers up and down his length slowly. "You're complaining but your cock is rock hard under my touch," You mumble into his ear, leaning in close to him.

"Y/n!" He whisper-shouts at you, glancing around again to make sure no one hears you two. His face is contorted with pleasure. He throws his head back on the headrest of the chair, clenching his jaw tightly.

You hear Rossi clear his throat slightly in his sleep and immediately jump away from Hotch. He pulls the files off the desk in the plane, pulling them onto his lap to cover his arousal. You erupt into a series of stifled giggles and Hotch shoots you a very unamused scowl.

"Oopsie," You smirk devilishly at him and lean back in the seat. Hotch shifts around in his chair uncomfortably and as he does he leans in close to you.

"You have to come over tonight," Hotch groans close to your ear as you curl up in your chair.

"Mhm," You mumble, "We'll see."

* * *

You raise your hand to Hotch's door. Memories of your first night together come flashing back. You only have to knock once before the door comes flying open. "Someone's eager," You tease as Hotch leans against the door frame looking over you.

"To fuck you? Yes, yes I am." He grins and steps aside, letting you step into his house. Your eyes slowly scan the space. It's your first time back since your first night with Hotch and your face flushes as you take a glance at his couch.

"At least this time you invited me in on your own accord," You tease, "It feels different now that I was actually invited here." You walk around, finally getting a good look at the place before turning to face him. He stands watching you, arms crossed over his chest, eyes hungrily scanning your figure.

"Different how?" He smirks and walks up closer. He gets inches away, towering over you.

"Well, it felt more..." You trail off at the end of your sentence and drag your hand up his chest slowly, ¨Taboo the first time. It was so exciting."

"So it's not exciting now?" He runs a hand up your bare arm all the way up to your shoulder. You shiver at the touch, "Well I guess I'm going to have to do something about that." He mumbles.

He grabs the front of your shirt, yanking you harshly towards him. Your body smashes flush against his. Your hands press against his chest. One arm is wrapped around your back, his eyes darting down to your lips. There's a small pause before Hotch presses his lips to yours.

"You going to show me to your bedroom this time or are we going to fuck on the couch every time I'm here" You laugh through a moan against his lips and he nips at your bottom lip hungrily.

"You plan on coming here a lot?" He teases. He wraps an arm around your back, lifting you off your feet to hurriedly carry you up the stairs. He smashes your back up against the bedroom door forcefully, kissing you with urgency. You let out a small cry of both pain and pleasure, your back stinging from the hard contact.

He grips your wrists and pins them above your head with one hand, "I don't like being teased," He growls against your lips. He forces your legs apart with his knee and rubs your pussy through your jeans roughly.

The intense friction is almost overwhelming. "I'm sorry, Sir," You whine out and Hotch buries his head in your neck, breathing heavily.

"I can't get enough of you, you know that?" He moans, pressing his hips against yours, grinding slowly. "But you can't tease me like that and not expect punishment, little girl," He growls. Holy shit. That pet name is... unexpected. But you're not complaining. Hotch fumbles behind you for the door handle and you two practically fall backward as he pushes you inside.

"Nice bedroom," You moan against his lips, barely taking a second to look around the room, barreling into the room while fumbling for his belt. He hasn't changed out of his work clothes and you rip the tie from his neck, tossing it to the floor.

"I want to try something new with you," Hotch breaks away from the kiss, his breathing ragged.

"New?" You go to move in for another kiss.

"Well new for us." He reaches up to push a strand of hair out of your face.

"What kind of thing?" You pant slightly.

"I think you're going to like it. Get on the bed and get undressed," He commands and you feel like a fool as you frantically rush to take off your clothes. It's not the sexiest of maneuvers but it does the trick. Hotch turns and digs in the top drawer of his dresser before turning around with a blindfold. "You remember our safe word, right?"

"Silk to slow down, leather to stop," You nod as you drop onto the bed on your knees.

He smirks widely and walks over to you, towering over you. His hand comes down to cup your cheek gently. He then pushes the hair out of your face and ties the blindfold on you.

"New lingerie?" He reaches for the strap on your lacy black bra. He tugs on it lightly.

"Mhm," You mumble, anxiously anticipating his touch. "Just for you, Sir."

"You knew I was going to fuck you tonight?" His voice takes on a darker tone. He releases the strap of your bra, letting it snap on your shoulder. You whimper and your heart races excitedly as you hear him moving around the room but you're unaware exactly where he is or what he's doing.

You feel him lean down close to your ear, whispering over your shoulder, "That little stunt on the jet? You proud of yourself for that?"

"I just wanted to please you, Sir," You bite your lip nodding slightly.

"You didn't listen when I told you to stop. You were very bratty," He groans. You can hear the arousal in his voice. You hear his zipper and you can tell he's stroking himself. You clench your thighs tighter at the image.

"Was I?" You shrug, "My bad."

His motions are unexpected. His hand roughly goes to your neck gripping it lightly, gently cutting off your breathing but not enough to hurt you. He forces your head to tilt up. You can tell his glaring down at you, lust in his eyes. "What happened to my good little girl? You're acting like a fucking brat."

"Sorry daddy," You choke out, your heart racing feeling his large hand around your throat.

"And you know what happens to bratty little sluts like you?" His grip on your neck tightens, and he cranes your neck up further.

You attempt to shake your head no but his hands restrict your movement. You feel his face grow closer. You can feel his breath on your face. His lips hover close to yours, "You get punished."

Hotch releases your neck with some force, your head jerking back slightly and you almost lose your balance on your knees. You feel your wet pussy clenching around nothing. The way he's so rough with you is exhilarating. In addition, you have no idea where he is or where he might be next. "What's my punishment?" You choke out.

"You don't get to cum until I give you permission," He commands and you bite your lip nodding in response. "Now lie back."

You do as he says and scoot further up the bed. You hear him kick off his shoes and start stripping off his clothes. You feel as if you've been lying there forever until you finally feel the mattress sink with his weight as he hovers over you.

"Be patient," He mumbles, finally connecting his lips with yours. He trails his lips down under your jaw, nipping the soft skin of your neck, the bruises from your first rendezvous just starting to fade. "Such an obedient little slut... all for me."

You arch your back into his touch, his hands slowly trailing down your sides, the calluses on his fingers lightly scratching your skin. "Fuck please I need you-"

"Is daddy's little slut begging?" He chuckles against your skin, giving your hips a tight squeeze.

"Yes. I want you, daddy," You whine and squirm underneath his small kisses and touches. He reaches around you to unclip the lacy bra pulling it from your shoulders. He plants a line of kisses between the expanse of your breasts.

Hotch trails his kisses all the way down your stomach to the top of your lace panties. He hooks a finger in the waistband, yanking them off, and sucks gently on your inner thighs, slowly inching his lips closer and closer to your wet pussy.

"Please Aaron," You moan and try to scoot your hips towards him.

"I thought I told you to be patient?" He groans and dips his head back down to suck your clit lightly.

"Fuck yes!" You cry out feeling your body growing hot with pleasure. You tangle one hand in Aaron's hair and grip the sheets tightly with the other. He takes his time, licking and sucking your clit before teasing your entrance with one of his fingers. He presses it into you, burying it all the way in before curling it to hit your g-spot just right. "Please, more." You pant out, trying to grind your clit against his palm. His motions are agonizingly slow and you don't have much patience.

Hotch chuckles and thrusts two more fingers inside of you abruptly and you feel yourself stretching around them. He picks up the pace, his fingers slightly curled so they hit the perfect spot every time, "This is what you want, right? You want it rough and dirty. You want it messy and you want me to finger fuck you like a little whore. Like the slutty party girl I fucked in that bathroom. You liked that, didn't you?" He mumbles against your neck, his fingers mercilessly pumping in and out of you.

You feel the pressure building between your hips and you use both hands to grip the sheets.

Just when the spots start to scatter across your vision, your body shaking in anticipation of your orgasm, Hotch stops the motions entirely. He pulls his fingers out before bringing them up to smear your juices across your lips. "I want you to remember how good I make you feel. See how wet your slutty little pussy is for me?"

You had nearly forgotten about the blindfold until now when you couldn't even see what he was doing. You can sense that he's walked away from the bed as you can hear him rooting through his drawer.

You writhe around on the sheets and squeeze your thighs tightly together, rubbing them roughly hoping to gain some friction and stimulation on your clit. You need to cum. You hear Hotch tsk softly as he returns back to your legs and pushes them back open, "No cheating little girl," You hear a soft humming, vibrating noise, and soon after Hotch's warm hands part your legs even wider.

He presses the small vibrating bullet directly to your clit and you cry out from how sensitive you are, the vibrations sending your eyes rolling back into your head. A series of strangled cries erupt from your mouth. You squirm, attempting to scoot away to give yourself a moment of relief but he pins your hips in place.

"Fuck! Aaron god it's so—" You can barely get a sentence out, your body is overheating and shaking as he continues to hold the vibrator to your clit. "I can't take anymore," You whine.

He once again thrusts two fingers inside of you, curling them as he pumps slowly, "You can hold on longer, baby."

"I can't!" Your moans have developed into screams and pretty soon the pressure is building between your hips yeat again, "I need to cum, please, daddy!"

Once again, just as you're starting to feel the oncoming orgasm and the fire it lights on your skin, Hotch stops his motions, denying you your orgasm for the second time.

"What the fuck!" You curse out at him out of frustration. Without even being able to see Hotch, you can tell that your outburst will anger him.

Hotch scoops one arm under you and flips you over on your stomach, "Hands and knees slut. It's time I feel that dirty pussy tighten around my cock." He growls and gives your ass two hard spanks, "That's for lashing out."

You struggle to hold yourself up, arms feeling like jello. Your body's on fire with pleasure. You're coated from head to toe with a slick layer of sweat and you're so wet, your arousal is practically dripping down your thighs. You can't see yourself but you can already tell that your body is going to be littered with bruises and marks.

You barely have a second to breathe before Hotch buries himself inside you. It's slow at first but he's quick to pick up the pace. He grips your hips tightly in his big hands, nails lightly digging into the skin. Every touch is like a small fire on your skin. You can't even bring yourself to let out any words, the only sounds coming from your mouth are incoherent moans and cries.

"I want to hear your voice," He groans out from behind you before gripping your hair, yanking your head up slightly

"Fuck Aaron I'm so close. Please let me cum daddy!" You yell out to him, your arms shaking beneath you and you feel that pressure building in your hips for the third time tonight.

"Go ahead, little girl. Cum for me," He growls and continues to thrust into you, his own hips bucking wildly. You can tell he's close as his grip on your hips tightens and the hand in your hair tangles itself more, yanking a little harder at the roots.

"Oh my god, yes!" You barely get the words out as your body shakes violently as your orgasm runs throughout your whole body. It's by far the most intense orgasm you've ever experienced. You practically lose your breath, eyes rolling back and you go light-headed as you're overcome with euphoria.

"That's right. Cum around daddy's cock you worthless whore," He growls out, ruthlessly rubbing your clit through your orgasm, the overstimulation sending your eyes rolling back into your head.

You hear Hotch groaning loudly behind you and you feel his cock pulsate in your throbbing pussy as he finally releases and continues to thrust through his own orgasm.

Your eyes are watering at the feeling and pleasure begins to fade away as you feel nausea and anxiety overcoming you slowly.

_'You're nothing but a worthless whore.'_

"Silk, silk!" You cry out one of your safe words loudly as your heart rate races, the anxiety overwhelming. You feel your limbs trembling from the combination of overstimulation, pleasure, and immense panic. The only thing you can think of is the unsub's eyes looking back at you from his position on the pavement next to you... dead.

Hotch rapidly reaches around to untie the blindfold from your face, "Ok, ok. I'm taking off the blindfold." He says softly and looks over your face. Your mascara is smudged around your eyes wildly from the blindfold.

"I'm sorry," You attempt to wipe your eyes clean.

"Hey, hey, don't apologize. You warned me." His voice is entirely different from it was a few seconds ago. It's soft and hushed as he helps you sit up and sits next to you. He tentatively reaches a hand towards your face, "Is it okay if I touch you?" He speaks so quietly as if his words could shatter you.

You nod. He uses the pad of his thumb to gently wipe your face clean, "Was it something I did?"

You nod again. You feel like a little kid, "The unsub said that last night."

Hotch pauses, his brows furrowing in thought. As soon as his face changes, you know that he understands, "It slipped my mind. I'm so sorry." He's cupping your face, running his thumb over your cheek. The touch is light, practically undetectable. "I won't call you that again." He pauses again to take a breath, "I can't imagine how you feel after... getting intimate with a killer like that."

You let out a steady breath, your heart rate finally normalizing. You feel the need to wrap your arms around your body, to cover yourself up. You feel naked. Well, you are actually naked but it's not as if Hotch hasn't seen it all before. It's not the lack of clothes making you feel so exposed, so vulnerable.

"I'm sorry to stop so suddenly." You give him a small, sad smile.

"Stop apologizing. I'd rather make sure you're okay," He nods and leans forward to kiss your forehead. You feel the anxiety dissipating but is quickly replaced by butterflies in your stomach. He pulls away from you to search your eyes.

"I liked it though," You say softly and let out a laugh, "All the new stuff. We should do more... new." You're struggling with your words. "I mean it. It was amazing."

"I'm sorry," He sighs and places a reassuring hand on your knee.

"Now who's the one apologizing too much?" You tease, letting a large smile spread across your face. There's a long moment of silence. Hotch's eyes are trained on you and yours are trained on his hand that rests on your thigh, rubbing small circles into your skin.

"You should take tomorrow. I can drop you at home tomorrow morning before I go to work." Hotch reaches for the blanket, getting ready to put it over the both of you.

Your heart sinks into your stomach, "I don't think I should make a habit of spending the night here." You kick your legs out from under the sheets and start getting dressed.

Hotch sits up in bed, his eyes traveling over your body language. "Don't do that." You sigh out, your back to him as you bend down reaching for your shirt. You don't need to turn around to see him watching you, you can feel his eyes burning into the back of your head.

"Do what?" He clears his throat.

"Profile me like that. I just don't want to spend the night. It's not that deep," You don't even bother to put your underwear or bra back on. You just dress as fast as possible, finally turning around to look at him.

"I'm not profiling you. I just want to make sure you're okay," Hotch sits in his bed, the blanket covering his lower half. He has his legs pulled up close to his chest, forearms resting on his knees.

"I'm okay." You reassure him and reach for your shoes.

"Why don't I believe that?" He furrows his brows at you, his face resorting back to the classic Hotchner glare.

"Believe it," You roll your eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow at work." You walk back towards him a little, pressing a quick yet passionate kiss to his lips. You don't hesitate for a second but simply turn and leave the bedroom as fast as possible.

"See you tomorrow..." You don't even hear Hotch softly say goodbye as you've already rushed out the door, gotten in your car, and started to pull out of his driveway.

It's more than anxiety. It's fear. You're terrified... and you know exactly what's scaring you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH SOFT HOTCH! FEELINGS! ANGST! KINKY SEX! What more could you want?
> 
> ALSO side note about last chapter, BOTH OF THEIR EARPIECES WERE OFF!! Y/n turned hers off when she hides it in her dress. It also says that Hotch turns his off. I hope you guys liked this chapter! It was also a long one because well... the smut got away from me.
> 
> (also i definitely did not edit this enough so ignore any possible typos lol)
> 
> I love you all! <3


	4. chapter four

“You’ve all worked incredibly hard today. Take the night off. Get some rest. Clear your head. See you all tomorrow morning.” Hotch takes a moment to look around the room at all of you. You turn around from your position at the case board with Reid to look over Hotch. You catch his gaze and he immediately looks away from you and down at the file in his hands.

To say it has been a long day would be the understatement of the century. For starters, all you can smell is Hotch’s cologne all over your clothes despite the fact that you haven’t seen him or been over to his place since the other night. It’s an intoxicating, invasive scent. The best combination of men’s cologne and a fresh shower. The smell somehow seems to drift over to you even now, as he stands on the other side of the round table, cleaning up the files and packing his briefcase.

In addition to his incredibly distracting cologne, you and Hotch haven’t talked since you rushed out that night. You guys got overwhelmed with paperwork and now this new case and you just didn’t make time to see him, especially after that night. You can tell he’s mildly panicking. It’s not obvious, as Hotch has the infuriating ability to keep his emotions completely locked away as if they don't exist. But you can tell he’s worried about you.

His eyes linger on you for too long. Every time you speak, you can see he clearly isn’t listening to what you’re saying. However, every time you look over at him, he looks away. The long stolen glances are stirring up an immense amount of guilt inside you. You don’t want him to feel guilty. He didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that every time you think of the other night, your heart races, beating harder and harder thinking of the caring and gentle way he looked over you. You know that look. It’s the same way he used to look at Haley.

You could see it in his eyes in the way he comforted you. It was so obvious in the way that his hand cupped your cheek softly, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on your skin. The way his warm hand laid on your thigh comfortingly.

The rest of the team moves around you, reaching for their bags and some case files to take back to the hotel. Despite the fact that Hotch told all of you to take a break, you know that no one will. You’ll all take the work back with you, going over it a million times, hoping to find a new connection or a new part of the profile.

“I’m picking up some takeout on the way back, who’s coming with me?” Emily pulls her bag onto her shoulder. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Reid give a small tight-lipped smirk, lightly jogging to catch up with her as she makes her way to the door.

The talk of food makes you realize just how hungry you actually are, “Em, wait up!” You haphazardly shove the files into your bag and snatch your blazer off the chair, rushing to meet them. Just as you, Emily, and Spencer reach the door, something stops you. Hotch stops you.

“Y/L/N,” Hotch’s voice calls out and you freeze in place, hesitating before turning to face him. You lock eyes with him, "You mind staying back for a second?”

Your eyes bounce between Emily and Spencer who are waiting for you at the door patiently, both with intense confusion spreading across their face, and Hotch, whose unbreaking gaze stirs up butterflies… and not the kind you get when you’re nervous. The warm heat grows in your stomach, “You know what guys, you go ahead without me.” You nod. Both Emily and Spencer remain in place as you walk back towards Hotch, who stands rubbing his fingers at his side.

“Something wrong, sir?” You cross your arms. As soon as you say the word ‘sir’ you see Hotch’s professional demeanor melting away.

“Y/n… are you okay?” He takes a few steps closer to you and you glance behind you, to see Emily and Spencer still watching you two intently. As soon as you look at them, however, they look away and turn to leave the police station.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You shrug, struggling to look him in the eyes with the way he’s looking over you.

He lowers the volume of his voice, “Come on, don’t do that.”

“Do what?” With your arms still crossed, you tap your bicep impatiently.

“You got attacked by an unsub, watched him die a few feet away from you, then later that night, called out our safe word and left in a hurry,” Hotch speaks to you in a quiet yet stern voice. You’ve heard the tone before. It’s the tone he uses with the team when he’s attempting to reprimand them. “I know you can see why I’d be worried.”

You take one last look around the police station, noticing it mostly empty due to the late hour. You look back up into his eyes and let out a sigh, uncrossing your arms, breaking your steely exterior, “I’m fine, Hotch.”

“Was it something I said?” He asks gently, “Or did?’

“No, no I just needed a little time alone after everything,” You try to simplify your thoughts to just that. In reality, you knew you were already starting a pattern of self-sabotage. You were attempting to distance yourself from Hotch. Trying to keep him from getting too close and seeing too much of you.

Hotch raises a brow but simply nods. You hear him profiling you in his head. He knows you’re lying. He’s teased you about it before.

One morning, a while ago, on the jet, you were in hyperactive mode, rattling off facts and statistics about the TV show you had just finished watching and Morgan couldn’t help but tease you, asking how many cups of coffee you had. You lied, telling him just one. Hotch, without glancing up from his file, spoke up, “You’ve had more.” That’s when he revealed that you had a tell when you’re lying and he knows what it is. You’ve learned since then that it’s useless to try to lie to Hotch. He always knows when you’re lying.

“If you aren’t okay, you know you can tell me, right?” And there’s that look again. That caring look that strikes fear into every part of you, “Not even as the guy you’re sleeping with but as your boss. I hope you know I’m here for you.”

“I know.” You nod, taking one last look around the police station before moving in close to him, “So how about you be there for me tonight… in my room?” You try to stir a smile out of him.

He looks over your face slightly before letting out a strained breath, “God the things I want to do to you right now.”

“What’s stopping you?” You look up innocently at him.

“It’s inappropriate and unprofessional,” You roll your eyes. He’s so predictable sometimes. “If anyone saw us going into the same room… it’s just unprofessional.”

“Aaron,” You shake your head, “That’s the whole point.”

“Don’t tempt me,” He glances down for a second before looking back at you, “Go get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning,” He fights it, but a smile spreads across his lips. It’s infectious. You can’t help but smile back at him.

* * *

You’ve been staring at the same stack of documents and police reports for nearly an hour. Yet there you are, your hands on the small hotel room desk, leaning all your weight on it hoping that if you stare for another few minutes something might hit you. A frustrated sigh escapes from you as you finally decide to turn away from the work.

You flop down onto the bed on your back, your eyes following the ceiling fan as it spins around in circles, hypnotizing you. The combination of mental and physical exhaustion is sending you into a delirious haze.

Maybe it’s that exact exhaustion that spurs you on to reach for your phone, dialing up Hotch’s cell number.

“Agent Hotchner,” He answers the phone in his professional tone

“Black lace panties,” You purr out with a smirk.

“Excuse me?” He pauses before speaking again, “Y/n?”

“Oh sorry. I skipped a step,” You flip onto your stomach, kicking your feet in the air playfully behind you. “You’re supposed to ask what I’m wearing first. Then I tell you I’m wearing a black lace thong.”

There’s a long pause on the other end of the line.

“Y/n. I told you. If someone sees us together in this hotel… it’s completely unprofessional.”

“God Aaron,” You smirk as you say his name, “We can enjoy each other’s company without actually being in each other’s company.”

Another long pause.

“So are you going to ask me what I’m wearing or not?” You flip back over and scoot back on the bed, reaching to hike your skirt up around your waist. “Am I going to have to do all the work like usua—”

“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you,” Hotch’s dark tone cuts you off. There he is. There’s the Aaron Hotchner you were looking for. There’s a small pause once again but this time you can hear Aaron clear his throat roughly. You know that sound. You can perfectly picture the large bulge growing in his pants right now. “Are you still in that skirt from today?”

You smile and hook a finger around the waistband of your panties, “Technically yes. It’s entirely bunched up on my hips now.”

Hotch lets out a small groan. You smile, being able to envision him at this moment. His hair is probably a mess from running frustrated hands through it. The bulge in his pants is growing by the second and he’s probably pulled off his jacket and loosened the tie around his neck. “You don’t do anything unless I tell you to, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir,” You let out a small breathy moan. Despite his commands, you’re feeling bold tonight. You want to see just how far you can push Hotch. How far until he can’t hold himself together anymore? How long until he loses all self-control?

“Take off your panties and spread your legs,” You hear some motion on the other end, knowing that he’s getting settled on his bed. You do as he says but immediately your hand goes to your wet pussy, slowly running a finger up your slits to rub your clit. You involuntarily let out a small whine of pleasure, “Oh is the little slut touching herself already?” He growls out into the phone.

You throw your head back onto the pillow and mutter out a small ‘mhm’ of pleasure.

“I want you to wait to touch yourself. Just listen to the things I want to do to you.” He lets out a small groan of his own.

“Tell me, Sir,” You moan and rub your clit a little rougher, imagining Hotch’s large fingers instead of your own. You know you’re going against his demands but you can only think of how much you love when he punishes you for disobeying him.

“First, I’d run my fingers through your wet pussy lips,” He groans over the phone and you smirk, knowing he’s masturbating too. “And force you to taste how wet you are for me. Remind you that I’m the only one who’s ever fucked you right. I’d bury my head between your legs, devouring you slowly, licking and sucking your clit until your eyes roll back into your head. Your legs tighten around my head as you fuck my mouth, cumming hard.”

“Mhm,” You mumble in response, slowing the circles on your clit, teasing your own pussy with your fingers.

“Then I wouldn’t be able to wait any longer before plunging my hard cock into your tight slutty pussy,” His breathing is ragged and his voice crackles as he speaks. He tries to clear his throat, “I’d fuck you so hard, have you screaming my name. I’d pull your hair the way you like. I know you like it when I get rough with you.” He groans as you rub your clit with more intense motions.

Your mind travels back to that night in the club, the way you looked up into that mirror to see Hotch's face contorted with pleasure and your own bright red flushed appearance as he pounded into you mercilessly. “You’d beg me to fuck you harder, to touch your clit, to make you cum.” You whine and plunge two fingers into your pussy, pumping them slowly, unable to contain the shaky breath you let out in response.

“Impatient little slut,” He growls into the speaker, “You’re touching yourself already, aren’t you?”

“No I would never disobey you, sir,” You try to keep your voice steady but as you grind your clit against the heel of your palm you let out another strained moan.

“Don’t move,” He lets out and you hear the call disconnect.

“Hotch?” You speak into the phone. You can’t help but smile with pride. He might be your dominant and commanding boss, but god, it is so easy to manipulate him to get the exact reaction you were longing for. You hear three loud raps at the door and jump up, pulling your skirt down and opening the door.

Hotch looks a mess. You run your eyes over him seeing his hair a tousled mess, with the top few buttons on his shirt undone. The bulge in his pants is extremely evident and you resist the urge to laugh at the thought of him storming down the hallways of the hotel with a massive hard-on.

“What happened to not showing up at one another’s rooms? I thought it’s ‘too unprofessional.” You mock him with the last part, making air quotes with your fingers.

“That was when I thought you were going to be a good girl and not the arrogant little brat you’re being tonight.” He steps into the room, slamming the door behind him, and you back up slightly as he walks towards you, backing all the way until your legs hit the bed. “Take your shirt and bra off. Now.” Hotch crosses his arms.

You keep your eyes on him as you reach for the hem of your sweater, pulling it up over your head and then reach around to unclip your bra, sliding the straps off, and letting it simply drop to the floor.

Hotch doesn’t speak, simply moving around you to sit on the edge of the bed. Without warning, he grabs your hand and yanks to him, laying you across his lap, “Dirty little brats like you get punished. That’s what you wanted right? You wanted me to come over here and punish you for being a whore?”

He rolls your skirt up to your hips and places a warm hand on one of your ass cheeks, rubbing it lightly, “I just couldn’t wait, sir… I needed to touch myself.” Hotch raises his hand to spank each ass cheek once.

You cry out and clench your pussy at the feeling. “And what did I say on the phone?” He rubs the spots he just smacked.

“You told me not to touch myself until you said to,” Your voice wavers you grip the bedsheets in your small fists.

“And what did you do?” His voice is stern and his words come out slowly. It’s not too dissimilar from the way he interrogates a suspect or an unsub while on a case.

“I touched myself,” You whine, already expecting the next two spanks. They sting even more than the first two, causing you to cry out loudly again.

“Apologize for disobeying me,” He grips your wrists in one hand tightly behind your back and reaches his free hand to yank your head up by the hair, “Did you hear me?” He mutters breathlessly in a low voice close to your ear.

You’re actually rendered speechless for a second between the way you’re tightly clenching your thighs together, your arousal practically dripping down your legs. Hotch releases your head with a little force and raises his hand to spank your ass once again, even harder this time. You let out another small cry of both pain and pleasure, the smack sending bolts of fire across your ass. “I’m sorry, daddy!” You whine out loudly.

“Now tell me what you want,” He brings his hand down to run up your inner thighs, lightly teasing your entrance with his fingers.

“I want you to fuck me,” You squirm at his touch, trying to free your hands from his grip to grab something to alleviate the tension you’re holding in anticipation of pleasure.

“When I fuck you, I know you’re going to be so fucking wet for me,” He groans before giving you one more hard spank on each cheek and releasing your wrists, “It’s going to be so easy to fuck your tight little pussy now that you’ve been touching yourself like a slut.”

Hotch moves you off his lap, practically lifting you up and placing you on your feet. You stand in front of him and he reaches to remove his shirt, pants, and boxers rapidly. You grin and place two hands on his chest, pushing him back and straddling his lap.

He grips your hips tightly in his hands, grinding your hips back and forth, rubbing his hard cock against your wet pussy and over your sensitive clit. “Say it again. Tell me what you want, slut.” He reaches down, slapping your clit roughly with his cock a few times and you let out a breathy groan.

“I want you to fuck me,” You throw you head back, panting heavily, feeling your orgasm building just from the way his cock rubs against your clit.

“Beg me,” He demands before reaching a hand up to grip your face, tilting it down to look at him.

“Please,” You whine and grind your hips harder and faster, “Please fuck me, daddy.”

“Good girl,” He chuckles darkly before thrusting up into you roughly. You cry out loudly and grip his shoulders, your nails digging into the skin. “So fucking wet. So tight.”

“Fuck daddy!” You don’t hold back, letting every moan and groan out with each brutal thrust. Despite your position on top of him, Hotch sets the intense pace, lifting your hips up and slamming them down, bouncing you on his cock with urgency.

“You want to be a bratty slut, you get treated like a bratty slut,” He pounds into you ruthlessly and releases the grip on your hips, letting you regain control of your hips to grab your neck with his free hand, tightening his hold. His hands are so large he only needs one to wrap around your entire throat. His cock throbs inside you, filling you and hitting so deep you can’t help but scream out with each thrust.

“Can I touch myself, daddy?” You whine, aching for stimulation of your clit.

He groans louder, and you feel his dick twitch slightly as he yanks you down for a rough kiss, “You didn’t ask for permission before,” He mumbles against your lips, absorbing every one of your moans into his mouth.

“Please,” You beg again and he nods. Your hand flies to your clit, sending shockwaves throughout your body. You feel the pressure building between your hips, your eyes rolling back, eyelids fluttering closed.

“Look at me,” He commands, “I want to see your face when I make you cum around my cock.”

You feel your pussy pulsate and you look down at him, his dark eyes searching yours. “Good girl,” He mutters again and that’s when you orgasm. He tightens his grip on your neck, straining your breathing, causing you to see stars. Your legs tremble uncontrollably and your pussy tightens around his cock. You dig your nails into his shoulders even harder, feeling a slight pop as they puncture the skin drawing blood.

Hotch lets out a series of loud grunts and continues fucking you through your orgasm, greatly extending the pleasure. “Fuck!” He curses loudly as you feel his cock throb as he releases inside you, his thrusts slowing until he finally stops, burying his head in your neck.

You don’t even have the energy to get off his lap. Hotch gently moves you onto the bed next to him. He stands up and walks into the bathroom returning with a cold towel and a small hotel-size bottle of lotion, “Flip over,” He nods. You move onto your stomach, resting your head on your forearms, eyes closing as Hotch hovers over you, rubbing the lotion into your bright red ass.

“Oh god,” You let out a sigh of relief as the cool lotion calms down your hot skin. As soon as he’s finished rubbing it in, he settles onto the bed next to you. You flip back over so you can look at him.

“The spanking, that was okay, right?” He leans back against the headboard, placing his hands behind his head.

“Aaron, I’m fine,” You smile as Hotch lets out a small yawn.

There’s a slight pause, a moment where you two just sit there staring at each other before Hotch breaks the silence, “We have to get up early,” He slides to the edge of the bed getting ready to stand up. You lean forward to grab his arm, stopping him.

“Why don’t you just stay here tonight? You can sneak back to your room in the morning,” You pull him back to the bed.

“You’re sure it’s okay?” He eyes you up and down.

“You’re never going to want to sleep in the same bed as me ever again anyway,” You laugh and waste no time in sliding under the sheets. The cool clean linens feel amazing on your overheated skin, “I’m a kicker.”

“I’ll tolerate it if it means I get to wake up and see you naked in bed next to me,” He chuckles, sliding under the sheets next to you before reaching to shut out the small tableside lamp. You turn on your side, your back to him when you feel him pull you closer, languidly throwing an arm around your waist, his large hand moving to rest on your upper thigh as his thumb rubs circles on your bare skin.

* * *

You shift around uncomfortably on the jet, attempting to find the right position that doesn’t irritate your ass any further. You’re utterly exhausted. After last night with Hotch, you and the team had a rushed, intense last day on the case, ending with both you and Morgan sprinting after the unsub at top speed.

You rub your face with your hand, before opening your eyes to see Emily with her eyes narrowed slightly, sitting across from you.

“What is it?” You crunch up your brows in confusion.

“You look like hell,” She lets out a little laugh as she says it.

“Wow thank you, Emily. Thanks so much.” You respond sarcastically, kicking your feet up on the chair next to you.

“Didn’t get a lot of sleep?” She teases.

You feel Hotch’s eyes on you and resist the urge to look up at him, “No I didn’t.”

“Must’ve been worth it though,” Her eyes flick back down to the book in her hand, a small smirk playing on her lips, “I mean you sure sounded like you were enjoying yourself.”

Your eyes practically explode out of your head, “What?

“Oh didn’t you know? My room was right next to yours in the hotel.” Emily’s amusement grows and you look around the jet, silently thanking God that everyone else is either asleep or too distracted to hear what Emily is saying. You try not to pause when you look at Hotch but you notice him staring down at the file in his hands you can tell he isn’t really reading the information. He’s listening to you and Emily.

“How did you managed to get laid while on a case?”

“An old ex of mine lives here and I reached out to him,” You shrug, absolutely lying through your teeth. Good thing Hotch is the only one who seems to know your tell.

“Well, he must’ve really… really been something.” Your face flushes bright red at that comment. “So was he?” Emily speaks up again.

“Was he, what?” You feel your heart racing with anxiety and you try to keep calm.

“Was he really good?” She leans forward, putting her chin on top of her hand, and smiles at you.

You pause and bite your lip before letting a large smile spread across your face. You shrug, “He was pretty average I guess.” At that, you look up for a second, locking eyes with Hotch from across the jet. He’s no longer focused on the file in front of him. He’s watching you intensely, the expression in his face unreadable. His jaw tenses and relaxes a few times and you turn your attention back to Emily. “Sorry about the noise.”

You attempt to get some rest, but you can’t focus when you can feel Hotch’s on you the entire flight home. As everyone slowly files out of the jet after landing, you can’t even bring yourself to look at Hotch. You just know his intense gaze will make you weak in the knees.

You stand up to follow Emily out and feel Hotch come up close behind you. You two are the last people about to get off. As Emily steps off the jet you feel Hotch’s grip on your arm and he pulls you back, slamming you against the wall.

The small walkway in the jet leaves no room between the two of you. You arch your back slightly, pressing your chest against his. He looks down at you, towering over you and searching your eyes, “Average? You’re going to regret that later, brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! The update! I wrote this so quickly because I was so excited and I barely edited it because I just couldn't wait to get it out so I apologize for any errors. 
> 
> Okay that's all. I love you all <3


	5. chapter five

You’re not quite sure when ‘later’ is supposed to be. You get home from the case and spend the whole night with your phone ringer at full volume, hoping that Hotch will call. But you wake up this morning to 0 missed messages, 0 missed calls.

As of right now, you sit on the couch in your apartment, patiently awaiting either a call or a knock at the door from Hotch. You feel both excited, aroused, and nervous, and you can’t really tell which feeling is winning out.

You hear your phone buzz on the arm of the couch and snatch it up in seconds. The text is from Hotch, but it’s not exactly what you’re expecting.

Hotch: _Pick you up in 20 minutes. Wear something sexy._

You smirk widely, already imagining the look on Hotch’s face as he sees you in lingerie… and then subsequently rips it off of you. But then you read the text again. Why is he picking you up? Where are you guys going?

You: _I could just drive myself to your place._

Hotch: _We’re not going to my place. We’re going out._

You: _Out? We don’t go out_

Hotch: _Well, now we are_

Despite your nerves, you make your way upstairs rifling through your drawers for a matching black lace bra and panty set. You reach for a dress from the back of your closet and slip it on. It fits you snugly and shows off your body while still being modest enough for a nice restaurant. Just as you reach for some jewelry your phone buzzes on the dresser again.

Hotch: _No panties._

The message sparks a wide smile on your face and you reach down and slide the panties off. You leave them in a little pile on the floor and send a picture to Hotch.

You: _Shame. I look really good in them too._

Hotch: _I like you better without them_

You feel the butterflies in the pit of your stomach as you slide your heels on and take one last look over yourself in the mirror before you get the text from Hotch that he’s outside.

You hurry down the stairs and open the door to see Hotch standing at the end of the sidewalk, leaning against his car. He wears a tight black button down shirt with black pants. The top few buttons are undone and instead of his normal gelled back hair, his hair is soft and messy. A smile spreads across your face despite your growing nerves.

“You look…” His eyes run all the way down your body and back up slowly, “Fucking gorgeous.”

You feel your face heat up as you look up at him, “Alright what is all this? I thought I was in trouble with you.” You tease playfully, clutching your purse in front of you.

“Oh you are in for a whole lot of punishment,” He chuckles and stands up straight, stepping to the side. He reaches for the passenger’s side door and opens it, holding it for you. You give a small nod and slide into the car. He gets into the driver’s side looking over you once again, “But it’s way more fun when I get to hear you beg.” He grins wickedly.

“So… you wine and dine me so I beg you for punishment?” You rest your chin in the palm of your hand, your arm on the center console. You lean a little closer to him. “I don’t foresee that happening.”

“No,” He smirks, turning his attention from the road to look over you. He runs his tongue over his lips quickly, “You’re going to beg me to fuck you tonight. That’ll teach you who’s average.”

You struggle to hold your composure as your thighs start to tightly clench together, wetness already forming between your legs. Your mouth drops open slightly and you lean back in the seat.

“Close your mouth,” Hotch speaks out, his attention on the road unwavering, “Unless you want me to give you something to put in it.”

You close your mouth at that, your thighs clenching tightly. You pause before speaking up, “So where are we going?”

“A restaurant outside the city,” He takes one hand off the wheel to rest on your bare upper thigh. You try to mask the small breath you take in at the contact.

“Wow, so descriptive,” You laugh softly, trying to hide the way your voice trembles and wavers, as Hotch squeezes your thigh and rubs small circles on the skin.

“I want to be far enough away that I don’t worry about running into people we know,” He nods and pushes the hem of your dress up.

His hand trails up your inner thighs and you spread your legs to give him easier access. His fingers slowly climb higher and higher before they reach your pussy, already wet for him. “You followed my orders. Good girl,” He chuckles lowly and runs his fingers up your slit.

You bite your lip harder, stifling moans and leaning back in the seat. Your chest rises and falls a little more rapidly as his fingers circle your clit lazily, “So wet already.” He shakes his head.

“Just for you, Sir,” You whine as he slowly thrusts one finger into you. You groan and adjust to the feeling as he slowly pumps his finger.

“This pussy is all mine, you understand?” He inserts another finger, pumping them faster. You finally let out a small moan and his fingers curl inside of you.

“Mhm, I understand,” You moan loudly as you grind your clit against the palm of his hand.

“Good girl,” He utters before pulling his fingers out and placing them in his mouth, licking them clean.

You whine at the loss of contact and turn to him, your bottom lip pouting slightly, “Why’d you stop?” You feel the car come to a stop.

He reaches across to cup your cheek again, this time dragging his thumb across your bottom lip. “Teasing you is just too much fun.” He reaches across you and you inhale sharply, expecting him to touch you but instead, he simply unbuckles your seatbelt, “Also, we’re here.” He smiles and gets out, moving to open your door for you.

He takes your hand in his and leads you inside the small upscale restaurant.

“Holy shit,” You mutter under your breath as Hotch walks to the hostess to get your table. Your eyes scan every inch of the restaurant. Every waiter and waitress is dressed in nice slacks, a button-down, and a tie. The bar doesn’t even serve the cheap shit you buy for yourself at home and the extravagant chandeliers and lighting fixtures around the restaurant don’t look like they have fake diamonds on them.

I mean you know Hotch makes more money than you, way more money. But… this much money?

He talks to the hostess and turns to gesture for you to come with him. You walk alongside him and Hotch once again takes your hand in his. The small gesture makes your stomach flip flop. His large warm hands envelop yours entirely. His thumb absentmindedly rubs the back of your hand.

“Something wrong?” He looks over your face as you sit down at the table across from him.

“This place is so nice,” You pause and lean in a little closer, “And I’m here with no panties on.” You stifle a laugh and shake your head.

“Oh god don’t remind me,” He groans and clears his throat.

“It was your idea,” You laugh softly and look over the menu. For a few minutes, you almost forget that you’re on a date with Hotch. It’s comfortable. It feels casual. He makes you feel safe.

“So what were you like before the bureau?” Hotch rests one hand on the table and you watch as he rubs his fingers together.

“A mess,” You smile, “I was a disaster in college.¨ You reach for your glass of wine and take a long sip.

“You were not.” He chuckles and shakes his head, “You were going to be a doctor before joining the bureau. You can’t be motivated towards something that intensive and be a mess as well.” He pulls a napkin onto his lap as your food arrives.

“Yeah,” You nod, furrowing your brows at him, “How do you know that?

“I remember you talked about it when I interviewed you for the job,” He nods simply as he reaches for his glass.

“You remember that? You remember that interview?” You look at him in astonishment. Coming from Reid, you wouldn’t be surprised but then again, he has an eidetic memory. Hotch remembering something seemingly so insignificant to him? That’s shocking to you.

“Yeah. You were so… charismatic. So happy and hopeful,” He nods, “It’s why I hired you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you after that interview.”

Your face flushes, “Oh come on. Don’t pretend like you noticed me at all when I started at the BAU.”

“Of course I did,” He shrugged.

You glance down at your hands, “I didn’t think you really even considered me part of the team until recently.”

“What?” Hotch stops to put his fork down. He reaches across the table to tilt your chin up so you look at him, “Why would you think something ridiculous like that?”

“It’s just,” You take in a small breath as he removes his hand, “A few weeks into my time at the BAU, Haley died. You were just so dark and broken, and I mean rightfully so,” You try to clarify, “You were hard on me. I never felt you appreciated my contributions to the team until recently.”

Hotch goes silent for a beat. You open your mouth to speak, assuming he’s offended or hurt by the way you’ve brought up his wife’s death, “Oh god, that sounded like I was making Haley’s death about me.” You frantically rush out your words, “I just meant—”

That’s when Hotch finally speaks up, saying something you’re not expecting, “I’m sorry.” You pause. It’s not often that Hotch apologizes and it catches you off guard. “I’m sorry that I made you feel underappreciated.”

“It’s stupid and insignificant,” You argue, “It’s not about being recognized it’s about helping people, getting justice for those victims and—”

He cuts you off again, “But it’s important to remind you that you matter. Everything you do… it doesn’t go unnoticed by me. I see you, Y/n. Everything you do matters to me.”

Again, there’s another beat as you look back at him, feeling the whole world fading around you as you sink deeper into his eyes.

You clear your throat, “Yeah, uh thank you,” You feel your face growing hot. It’s honestly quite ridiculous that things you’ve let this man do to you and you can’t even accept a compliment without it rendering you incompetent and inarticulate.

“Of course,” Hotch’s eyes don’t drift, his focus remaining on you for a beat until he finally drags his focus away from you to look back down at his food. “So you were a mess in college?”

You nod, “I know you don’t believe it but I was so unorganized. I was drunk way too often,” You shake your head.

“I can imagine,” He teases you and takes another sip of his beer.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, also reaching for your drink.

“I’m just saying a few weeks ago when we all went out for drinks you did not practice a ton of self-control.” He smirks widely and your eyes widen as you almost choke on your wine.

“Oh god,” You place your glass down before bringing a hand to your head, “That was the night I decided to sing karaoke in front of everyone.” You can’t help but laugh out of embarrassment. “Was I terrible? I can’t even remember it that well.”

“Well you decided to take on Aretha Franklin’s Respect,” He smiles wider and raises his brows, “You honestly weren’t half bad,” He teases, “All things considered.”

“Shut up,” You scoff your face growing progressively more red by the second.

“It wasn’t that bad.” He reassures you.

“It’s embarrassing!” You protest and shake your head.

“You know the whole team thought it was funny.” He searches your face with a small grin.

“Yeah it’s really funny to them but I’m the one who got shit faced and embarrassed myself in front of you,” You roll your eyes and push your food around the plate.

“Come on, it was cute,” He reaches for your hand again.

You kick him playfully under the table as your face flushes harder, “As I said, shut up.”

———

“I had a good time tonight,” Hotch’s hand goes to your lower back as you two walk up the walkway to his door.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” He smirks and you stop at his front door. You turn to face him looking up at him, the small porch light illuminating his face.

“I just expected something a little less domestic,” You tease, “A little more us.” You run your hands up his chest and grab his shirt. You pull him in close, his hands resting on your lower back, holding you against him. You tilt your head up to look at him, his warm eyes searching yours. That’s when you feel the stirring. It’s like butterflies in your lower stomach.

It’s not the same warm feeling you get when he calls you a good girl, it’s a feeling that occurs right now when those warm brown eyes are searching yours in the yellow light of his front porch. It’s the same feeling you got with his arms wrapped around you that night in the hotel room.

It’s like the first sip of coffee on a winter morning. The way it warms all your insides.

That’s what you feel as you look up into Hotch’s eyes.

His hand comes up to cup your cheek softly, the pad of his thumb rubbing small circles on your cheek. It feels like an eternity before you finally kiss him.

Your eyes flutter closed and he pulls you flush against him with the one arm that’s wrapped around your back. You run your hands up into his hair, messing it up slightly. His tongue invades your mouth and you let a hot moan escape from your lips.

When you finally pull away from him a small smile dances across your face, “So… Hotch, are you going to invite me in?”

“Like you need the invitation,” He grins and opens the door, gesturing for you to step in.

You waste no time in grabbing his hand and pulling him up the stairs to his room. You’re feeling bold and horny and needy so you press your lips to his, hands fumbling to unbutton the buttons on his shirt.

His hands are roaming your body squeezing and touching every inch of you. He was right. Waiting all night in that restaurant for him to touch you amplifies every single touch, kiss, and squeeze from him. He continues to kiss you hungrily, backing you up into the room and you finally manage to tear the shirt off his body. “You look good in black,” You moan against his lips as he starts to pull away.

“Strip and get on the bed,” He points behind you.

“Can you help me out of this dress? I can’t seem to reach the zipper,” You turn around, gathering your hair in your hands and pulling it off your neck. He pauses before reaching for the zipper and undoing it, his hand stopping just above your ass, where the zipper stops.

He gives you a light smack on the ass, “I said... get on the bed.” He turns and bends down, opening the bottom drawer of his dresser, pulling out a set of restraints, dropping them onto the bed next to you.

You slip off your dress and reach around to unclasp your bra dropping it onto the floor. You cross the room and kneel on the edge of his bed.

“What did you say yesterday on the jet?” Hotch unbuttons his sleeves to roll them up and you practically salivate at the sight of his tanned forearms.

“I said… I said you were average.” You bite your lip harshly.

He grabs your chin in his hand and pulls your head up to look at him, “You didn’t mean that, brat.” He growls, “Because frankly, I can just tell no other man has fucked you quite like me.”

You nod slightly, “No, no one like you, sir.” Your voice wavers as your heart races with excitement and anticipation.

“Hands and knees,” He nods and you flip over, steadying yourself.

“I want you to count out loud with me,” He trails his fingertips up your spine and all the way to the back of your neck. He runs his hand down and grips the front of your neck with one hand, yanking your head up so he can speak close to your ear, “You’ve been a very… very bad girl. Bad girls get punished.”

With his free hand, he reaches to spank your ass roughly. You let out a cry and clench your thighs at the feeling. He tightens his grip on your neck, suppressing your airway but not enough to hurt you, “I said count, slut.”

“One!” You choke out slightly.

“That’s better,” He kisses your cheek before releasing your neck. Your head falls slightly and you catch your breath. Before you have a second to breathe he spanks your other ass cheek, this time harder than the last.

The sharp stinging causes you to cry out once again, balling the sheets in your fists, “Two.”

He doles out three more spanks, each harder than the last, causing you to cry out in pain and pleasure. “Tell me what you want.” He rubs your ass gently where he spanked you, his hands dipping lower and lower, getting closer to your wet pussy.

“I want you to touch me,” You whine and press back into his touch slightly.

“Good girl,” You can practically hear him grinning as he says that and his fingers travel down and tease your entrance.

“Please,” You whine, pushing back into his fingers.

“You’re always so fucking eager, so needy,” He bends down and pushes your legs further apart, burying his face between them. He strokes your clit slowly with his tongue before moving to suck on it lightly.

You grip the sheets tightly once again as he devours you, “Oh god yes,” You groan louder as he pulls away, teasing you with his fingers.

He thrusts two into you roughly and immediately curls them, roughly hitting your g-spot, “Say my name.” He commands and you feel your whole body practically shiver.

“Fuck Aaron, yes!” You moan out, grinding back against his fingers. You reach a hand down to rub your clit roughly as you do.

“Always so fucking tight for me,” He reaches to yank you up by your neck once again. “All for me.” He groans next to your ear and thrusts his fingers faster and harder.

“Fuck Aaron I’m close,” You whine as the familiar tension builds in your hips and stomach. You clench around his fingers and he tightens his grip on your neck, depriving you of oxygen as you orgasm. You let out a strangled moan of pleasure as you close your eyes. You whine loudly and grip the sheets so tightly your knuckles pale, “I need you to fuck me!” You pant.

“Is my little slut begging?” He growls and continues thrusting his fingers through your orgasm, sending your eyes rolling back into your head. Your legs shake violently and you can barely hold yourself up.

“Yes! I’m begging you, daddy, fuck me!” You moan out loudly.

He removes his fingers and nods at you. “Lay down.”You flip onto your back. He wastes no time in tying up your wrists with the ropes, tying them to the bedposts. He bends down to shove his fingers into your mouth so you taste yourself on them, “You want to be a bad girl? No touching.” He growls before passionately kissing your lips. As he does, he pushes his pants and boxers off before teasing your entrance with his tip.

“Please,” You squirm under the touch, craving more, “I need you.”

He pushes himself fully into you and you let out a strangled moan that escapes into his mouth as he kisses you again, “Average? Just average?” He growls out, picking up the thrusts and bringing a hand down to rub your clit. You jump at the touch, feeling overstimulated in the best possible way.

“I didn’t mean it,” You can barely form a coherent word as you tug on the restraints, needing to hold onto something, “I just wanted to-” You let out another cry of pleasure as Hotch hits deep inside you.

“You wanted to make me angry, didn’t you? You just love when I treat you like the little slut you are, right?” He groans and you feel his hips bucking erratically, signaling he’s close. You feel a second orgasm right around the corner.

“Yes!” You yank on the ropes roughly, feeling them burn your skin.

“Are you going to be a good girl from now on?” He buries his head in your neck, sucking and biting harshly, from your jaw to the top of your collarbones. You feel the pressure between your hips and you clench tightly around his cock, feeling him twitch inside you.

“Yes, daddy! I’ll be good!” You let out another screech of pleasure as you cum for the second time, stars spotting your vision, your eyes rolling back and your legs wrap around Hotch’s waist tighter.

“What a fucking good girl,” He moans against your skin as he follows close behind you, spilling inside of you, cock throbbing as he does.

There’s a small moment of silence as you both lay there panting heavily. He pulls out and reaches up to your wrists, “Your hands are going to feel numb and then you’re going to get pins and needles.” He nods and unties your hands. You barely have the strength to hold yourself up and your hands drop down like they’re dead weight.

It takes a second but then you feel the uncomfortable sensation of feeling returning to your fingers. Hotch takes your hands in his, massaging them to get the blood flowing again. Once you regain the feeling you stand up and take his shirt from the floor, “Since I like this shirt so much on you.” You tease before disappearing into the bathroom to pee. You pause for a second, looking into the mirror at the red marks coating your ass and grin widely.

When you come back into the bedroom Hotch is sitting up in bed with his boxers on. He pats the bed next to him. “Come here.”

You crawl up onto the bed next to him and he reaches for a small bottle of lotion from the dresser next to the bed. “Your wrists are gonna be even more dry and irritated tomorrow.”

“I know,” You smile at him, “It’s not the first time someone’s tied me up.”

He raises a brow and gives a small disapproving grunt, “Yeah? Who was it?”

“Oh is someone jealous, again? You know I have slept with other people besides you, Hotch,” You tease as he pumps the lotion into his hands and gestures for you to hand him your wrists.

“I don’t get jealous.” He protests and you laugh softly, knowing otherwise.

“Don’t be mad,” You start and look at Hotch at your side as he rubs lotion into your wrists, “But I just never expected anything like this from you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” His brows furrow slightly as he reaches for the other wrist, rubbing gently.

“You just seemed way more… vanilla,” You explain and his eyes shoot back up to look into yours.

“I can’t decide whether or not to be offended,” He shakes his head slightly.

“Well, you know what they say about people who are controlling in their jobs they're usually pretty submissive in the bedroom.” You shrug as he finishes with your wrists and sets the bottle aside.

“I’m controlling?” He turns back to you, throwing an arm around your shoulder.

“Oh you’re a pain in my ass,” You hesitate before curling up closer to him.

“I’m a pain in _your_ ass?” He pulls you closer to him, “The only time you ever actually listen to my orders is when you want me to fuck you. And even then you don’t always listen.”

“What can I say, I’m a very difficult and stubborn woman.” You place a hand on his chest and look up at him.

Hotch rolls his eyes and leans forward to kiss you gently. “Yeah well, you’re lucky you’re worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DATE HOTCH! I'm sorry y'all had to wait so long for this update! I had a bunch of stuff going on this past week but hopefully, I'll have more time to write this week. I didn't edit this that well so I hope there are no typos lmao. I have so many of the next few chapters planned so that will make writing them so much easier! (Also this chapter had soft Hotch which is hard for me to write... I'm so much better at spicy, dom hotch oops).
> 
> Anyway! I love you all so much <3


	6. chapter six

You adjust the collar of your sweater, pulling it further up your neck to hide the fading bruises from the past few days with Hotch. The team had finally gotten a break from an intense recent caseload, and you and Hotch took that as the best opportunity to spend the whole weekend in bed. God, your body is paying the price. Every single joint and muscle aches from physical exertion. Your wrists are embarrassingly calloused and your neck and chest are littered with bruises.

You reach for your phone, the text chimes coming in rapid succession. You glance at the text messages hiding a small smile and cursing the flush that rushes across your face.

Hotch: I can’t focus today. Just thinking about taking you over my lap.

Hotch: I want to take you on my desk like the little slut you are.

Your eyes dart around the bullpen hoping that none of your coworkers realize the absolute filth that you’re reading on your phone. Spencer keeps his eyes trained on the crossword puzzle in his hands. Prentiss bites her thumbnail slightly as she writes out a report. 

You: You’d love the lacy thong I’m wearing right now

You smirk to yourself slightly and hear Reid curse under his breath. “I was going to break my personal record with this crossword.” He shakes his head.

You let out a small laugh and look back as your phone chimes again.

Hotch: Don’t be a fucking tease

You: You know if I sit just right I’m sure Morgan would get a full view under my skirt

You glance up at Hotch’s office. You watch him reach for his phone before immediately turning his attention out the window at you and the team. His eyes pierce yours and despite the fact that he’s in his office, you can see his jaw clench tightly. Your phone chimes again.

Hotch: Don’t you dare, brat.

You can hear him saying this to you and it sends shivers down your spine. You struggle to hide your blush and turn in your chair so your back is to Hotch’s office, making him unable to see you. You look around the bullpen again and this time notice that Morgan has his eyes trained on you, his brows furrowed.

“What?” You snort at him and put your cell down, attempting to turn your focus back to your work.

“We’ve only been here an hour,” He looks at his watch, “and you’ve sent and received six texts.” Morgan swivels back and forth in his chair.

“And?” You open your laptop, pretending to check your email. Your mind, however, is still stuck on those text messages from Hotch. Your heart is racing, face flushed, arousal growing between your thighs.

“You hate texting, Y/L/N,” Morgan points at you with a pencil in his hand. 

“I don’t hate texting,” You roll your eyes, pushing your hair out of your face.

“Actually you do,” Reid chimes in. He finally looks up from his desk. “The average American sends and receives about 94 text messages a day. Your daily averages are around only 50 messages a day and I find that you usually don’t respond to text messages. You receive way more than you send.”

You’re not even shocked for a second by the string of numbers and statistics that come out of the young doctor’s mouth. “Reid, this is why we’re your only friends.”

He furrows his brows and shakes his head, “We’re all your only friends too, Y/N.” You smile at Reid and kick him under the desk playfully. 

Morgan laughs and stands up, moving to lean against the edge of your desk. He runs his eyes over you, “This is about that guy you’ve been seeing, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry, did I forget the part where we all decided profiling each other was okay?” You lean back in your chair and cross your legs. “Who said I’m seeing someone?”

“I can just tell.” Morgan taps the pencil against his fingers a few times before speaking up again, “Why are you being so secretive about him?” You scoff lightly and shake your head. You’re trying your best to remain calm but your phone buzzes again and your heart rate increases. Both yours and Morgan’s eyes go to the phone. You resist the urge to pick it up and check the message immediately. 

“Her pupils just dilated further at that text,” Reid sets down the crossword, leaning forward on his hands to study your behavior. “You know our pupils dilate in response to light but they also can dilate as an emotional response."

“She was acting really weird around Hotch a few weeks ago,” Emily finally tunes into the conversation. “Maybe it’s someone from work.”

“God, not you joining in too,” You hold your head in your hands.

“Hotch knows because... you had to report your relationship?” Reid guesses, eyes scanning your behavior for any sign of a tell. Your phone chimes again.

“Little Miss Popular over here,” Morgan wags his finger at your phone, “You’ve got a secret boyfriend.” He gestures to you, “Come on spill.”

“You are basing all this on what exactly? The fact that I don’t like texting?” You shake your head again at him, “You are grasping at straws here, Morgan.”

“What’d Morgan do?” JJ asks as she walks into the bullpen, a few coffees in hand. She holds one out for you and you take it with a sigh.

Reid answers, “Morgan thinks Y/N has a secret boyfriend.” At the same time, you reply with a curt, “Nothing.”

“You just denied it,” Morgan reaches for his coffee from JJ. Out of frustration with your coworkers’ nosiness, you gather up your work and take Garcia’s coffee from JJ, hoping to escape to her office to avoid more intense scrutiny from the trained profilers.

“That was not a denial out of guilt, that was a refusal to let all of you know all my business,” You roll your eyes.

“That right there is a yes baby, I knew it, I told you!” Morgan puffs up his chest slightly as he laughs.

“Well do you?” Emily looks up at you from her chair, the grin rapidly growing on her face. 

You start to walk away from the group and towards Penelope’s office, “It’s more fun not to answer that question!” You don’t turn around but hear the series of groans from your friends as you disappear around the corner. 

You look down to check the missed texts from Hotch.

Hotch: Come to my office I need you...  
Hotch: I don’t like the way Morgan looks over you like that  
Hotch: If only he knew who your mystery man was

You smirk at the text messages knowing that ignoring them will make Hotch even more frustrated… which means amazing sex for you later.

You scan your ID at Garcia’s office and push the door open.

“Okay here’s your half-caf, extra shot, 2 pumps vanilla, non-fat milk, no whip caramel macchiato,” You let out the order and drop into a chair next to Garcia.

“You are a goddess on earth, my love,” She types away, and when she finally turns to take the coffee from you her eyes widen. “Oh my god.”

“What?” You look around frantically, “Something wrong?”

“Who or what did that to your neck and how do I get one of them for myself?” She reaches forward for the collar of your turtleneck and pulls it down farther to see all the bruises along your neck and chest. “Oh my god!” She squeals.

“Garcia!” You sigh and pull away from her, readjusting your turtleneck.

“I mean Prentiss told me you were getting some while on a case but I thought he lived somewhere else. Is this from someone else? Who is it?” She rattles off the questions at high speed, which is just Garcia’s normal speed.

“Garcia,” You repeat again and cross your arms, “It’s no one important.” You shake your head at her.

“You know I can hack into your phone to see your most recent text messages, right?” 

“But you wouldn’t violate my privacy like that… right?” Garcia bites her lip harshly, averting her gaze and typing away on her keyboard, “Penelope Garcia!” You push her chair with your foot, sending her rolling a little bit away.

“Just tell me who it is!” She pouts and you shake your head sternly.

“Absolutely not,” You argue, “I would like to at least maintain the smallest shred of privacy, even around you.”

“Fine, then at least tell me about him,” She nods, “Or her. Him? Her?” She looks over you, giving you the same eyes that Spencer was just a few minutes earlier. You sometimes forget she’s not a trained profiler because she has this mysterious ability to work secrets out of you and everyone else on the team.

You let out a small groan before crossing your arms, “Him.” You bite your lip and look at her, “If you tell anyone, any of this… you’re dead, understood? This gun isn’t just for show,” You tease placing a hand on your holster.

“Yes ma’am,” She salutes you teasingly.

“God… the things we do. I mean I’m so sore today I can barely walk,” You shake your head and look down, feeling the blush spread across your cheeks, “But he just does everything so well. I don’t even mean sexually, I mean… he always says the right things. He’s mature, composed, professional but fun and adventurous in the ways that matter.”

There’s a beat of silence in which you look up at Garcia, not even aware of the giant smile that has spread across your face while talking. You see Garcia smiling right back at you. 

“Oh my god,” Garcia draws her words out slowly, emphasizing each one dramatically, “Oh my god you’re totally falling in love!”

Your eyes widen to what you assume is an insane looking size and your mouth drops open, “Love? No, no. I mean we just have sex.” You pause, “Well, we went on a date the other day but that was just- No, Garcia, this isn’t love.” 

“Oh sweets, you are falling in love with him,” She grins and turns back to her computer when your phone chimes again. 

Hotch: I know you’re ignoring me, brat. You might as well just ask me to punish you.

“Ok, I have to know who it is,” She shakes her head and starts typing away on the computer. “Bringing up all text records of Agent Y/L/N…” Your head snaps up to look at her and you feel childish as you reach to push her keyboard away but she just rolls her chair over to another monitor.

“I’m serious, Garcia!” You sigh frustratedly, “Just let me keep this private!”

A small ding comes out of the computer and you watch in horror as a transcript pops up on Garcia’s screen, “Oh my god! Y/N! Dirty texts? On the same phone that you use for work?” She grins and glances back at you, “Oh come on, I’m your best friend. I deserve to know these things.”

“Who said you’re my best friend?” You joke as you cross your arms, staring her down disapprovingly. At the end of the day, you should’ve expected this from Garcia. Garcia doesn’t even know the meaning of the word privacy. 

Another ding from the computer. “Oh and look at that! The number is a match for one from the FBI employee database. A workplace affair?” She grins.

“Garcia, seriously I don’t care about the texts just don’t—” Before you can warn her, she clicks on the number, Hotch’s employee file popping up on her screen.

“Oh my god,” Garcia’s mouth drops, “Aaron Hotchner? Like our boss, Unit Chief of the BAU Aaron Hotchner? He’s the one who made you so sore you couldn’t— Oh my god. I mean he’s very attractive but he’s—”

“I swear to god, PG, if you say his name one more time,” You chug your coffee, drowning your embarrassment in caffeine. “You can’t speak a word about this to anyone.”

“I won’t,” She shakes her head, “But he likes you? He’s… with you?”

“Wow, okay, I’m gonna try not to be offended,” You roll your eyes.

“No, no it’s just,” She starts and turns her full attention towards you, “I mean you were here when he lost Haley. That woman was everything to him. That guy’s world revolved around Haley. She was everything to him, wife, mother to his son, his soulmate. It never occurred to me that he could ever be with anybody else. He was just so deeply in love with her, even after they separated. I mean if he did move on I always assumed it would be for real, to find that forever person again.”

As Garcia speaks your heart sinks further and further into your stomach. Is that what he was doing with you? Trying to make this a forever thing? Trying to turn you into a certain type of woman? “Yeah well I don’t think we’re that serious,” You shake your head.

“I just simply cannot see Hotch ever having an insignificant fling. He’s just such a committed, all-in kind of man,” Garcia continues to ramble, barely even noticing how much you’ve tuned her out. Your phone chimes again.

Hotch: We have a case.

“Garcia we should go,” You cut off her train of thought, turning to walk out of the office, not bothering to wait for her. You simply gather your files and drop the coffee into the trash on the way out, suddenly feeling too sick to your stomach to finish it.

You and Garcia are the last to enter the conference room and you spot the only empty seat next to Hotch. You bite your lip and give him a small smile as you sit down, pulling the collar of your shirt up further.

“Houston needs our help,” Garcia sighs and brings the screen to life with the remote, “Three single fathers were killed in the past three weeks, all in different locations, all white.”

“Single fathers…” You trail off and look over the facts.

“Each was stabbed repeatedly and-” She pauses and scrunches up her face, “Blech you guys have the rest of the information.” There’s a moment of silence as you all review the facts. It’s not long before Reid starts spewing some facts about single-parent households.

As Reid rambles, you feel Hotch’s hand rest on your thigh. He leaves it there for a long time before he finally starts to inch his hand higher and higher. You feel his fingertips ghost under your skirt and you suck in a small breath. Garcia’s eyes dart to yours at the noise and you panic, avoiding eye contact. 

Hotch’s hand continues to rise higher and his fingers over the thin lacy fabric covering your already soaking folds. You jump slightly, hitting your knee on the table. All eyes turn on you. Morgan raises a brow in confusion. “Sorry,” You mutter, flush rushing to your cheeks as Hotch covers his mouth with his free hand, hiding a small smirk. Smug bastard. You give his hand a small smack and he grins wider, removing it from your skirt.

“This unsub is displaying a pattern of increasing violence at each of these crime scenes,” JJ points down at her tablet with her pen.

“Which is why we need to get there as soon as possible. Wheels up in 30,” Hotch nods and quickly packs up his files. As the team files out, Hotch turns to you, “Y/L/N, can I see you in my office?”

You see Garcia’s head immediately snap up and watch you and Hotch intently as you follow him out and to his office. He opens the door for you and you step in and he’s quick to close the door. The blinds are already shut and within seconds his mouth is on yours. He kisses you quickly and urgently, his hands roaming your body as he pulls you close to him.

“Hotch,” You moan out between kisses, “We should-” You throw your head back slightly as he kisses and sucks under your jaw. “Aaron, wait,” You try to recover your composure. You feel him pull away and look at you, confused.

“What’s wrong?” He searches your eyes, his eyebrows falling into a frown.

“Nothing.” You pause, “Don’t get mad.”

“Why would I get mad?” He shakes his head, leaning back to sit on the edge of his desk.

“Just, don’t get mad at me.” You repeat.

“Okay, fine, I won’t get mad,” He holds his hands up in defense before crossing his arms across his chest.

“Garcia knows about us.” You let out and gnaw the inside of your cheek, waiting for Hotch to scold you, “And a lot of the team has figured out that we have some secret between us.”

There’s a short beat, “Okay,” He gives a small nod.

“Okay? That’s all?” You leave your mouth slightly agape after you speak and Hotch takes a step towards you. He reaches forward and closes your mouth, gently running his thumb over your chin for a second.

His eyes momentarily focus on your lips before looking back up to meet your gaze. “We work with a team of behavioral experts and we’re around them 24/7. Reid notices when I read a little slower than usual,” Hotch laughs softly, “They were going to figure something out eventually.”

“Okay so no more of that,” You throw your thumb in the direction of the roundtable room, “Because Garcia was getting suspicious and I’m pretty sure she knew what was going on.”

“Okay,” He nods, “No more of that.” 

“Okay good,” You sigh, feeling flustered and frustrated just by his presence. Hotch’s eyebrows relax and he uncrosses his arms, reaching forward to grab you by the front of your shirt, yanking you to him. You collide with him softly, your arms pressed against his chest.

“I thought I said-”

“You said no more of that,” He mutters and bends down to kiss under your jaw again, “But my office door is locked, the blinds are closed and everyone is getting packed and ready to leave. We have 30 minutes. This is different. I need you,” He moans against your skin.

You feel yourself melting under his touch, “Make it quick,” You whine as his hands pull your skirt up around your waist. He flips the two of you around and hoists you up onto his desk.

He moves to stand between your legs, pushing them apart with his knee, “I can’t watch you walk around in this fucking skirt for another minute. It’s torture.” He groans and reaches down between the two of you to pull your lace thong to the side and rub your clit roughly.

“Fuck,” You place your palms on the desk and lean back on your arms. His fingers tease your entrance and he bends down to kiss your neck and chest.

“I wish everyone could see what I do to you,” he groans and pulls the collar of your shirt down so he can kiss and nip at the fading bruises. His thumb rubs your clit a little rougher, “Look how wet you are already, slut.” He growls against your skin. 

You palm him through his slacks, feeling his cock growing harder by the second, “I need you, Sir,” You whine.

“God such a needy little slut,” He thrusts two fingers into you but only a little bit, teasing you with his fingertips and you cry out, “You have to be quiet. Can you do that?” He mumbles against your lips, kissing you again.

“Mhm,” You mumble against him as you reach to unbuckle his pants and push them down just enough to free his cock and pump him slowly. 

“See how ready you are for my cock?” Hotch removes his fingers and roughly shoves them into your mouth. You lick them slowly, tasting yourself on him and he groans, “God I love that pretty little mouth of yours.” He grips your neck, tilting your head to look up at him. “You want me to fuck you like a little slut, don’t you?”

“Yes daddy,” You moan softly as he teases your entrance with his cock. Without much warning he thrusts into roughly, taking a fast and harsh pace. You grip his shoulders, feeling his shirt wrinkling as you grab the fabric tightly.

“You just love that anyone could come in and see you like this, legs spread, skirt around your waist,” He grips your hips with bruising strength as you feel the desk rattle beneath you. His cock fills you so fully and hits so deep that you struggle to stifle your moans. You can barely manage a small ‘yes’ in response.

“Such a tight pussy, all for me,” He groans and brings one hand up to grasp your neck again, tilting it up so he can kiss you hungrily.

It’s not long before you can feel the familiar knot building between your hips and you let your moans escape into Hotch’s hot mouth. “Fuck Aaron I’m gonna cum,” You mutter and wrap your legs around his waist, forcing his thrusts deeper.

Hotch stifles his groans and releases your neck so he can reach down and rub your clit, sending your eyes rolling backward at the overwhelming pleasure. You let out a string of curses as you reach your orgasm, clenching tightly around his cock as he fucks you through it.

“That’s right. Cum on my cock like a good girl.” He groans and kisses your neck softly as you feel his cock pulsate and release inside you. He gradually slows down his thrusts before placing a supportive arm around your back helping you sit up. “God I wanted to do that all morning.”

You smile and grab his tie, pulling him close for one last kiss, “You didn’t get enough of me this weekend?”

“I could never get enough of you, baby,” He mumbles against your lips.

——

“The unsub left a witness alive. His attempt to get rid of her was frantic but the actual murder was just as organized as the others. It’s obvious the attack on the witness was after.” Prentiss looks over the case board in the police station.

“Maybe he’s young and inexperienced? Teenager or early 20s.” You nod at your coworkers. You pause in thought, gnawing at the inside of your cheek.“The hesitation is with the daughter, we’ve already profiled that he’s targeting the fathers. This is the first time he’s killed in their homes.”

“He’s getting bolder,” JJ agrees. “But why hesitate with the girl?”

“She doesn’t fit his victimology.” Rossi fills in the gap

“Maybe she surprised him? He panicked?” You posit and bite the end of your pen.

“That doesn’t make sense. She’s a witness.” Morgan argues before reaching for the crime scene photos.

“Like Dave mentioned she doesn’t fit his victimology, he has no drive to kill her too. He’s acting out a revenge fantasy and she doesn’t fit into it,” Hotch shakes his head. 

“But why hurt her at all?” You sigh out and glance up at him before quickly glancing away, not wanting to hold his gaze too long.

“She was knocked unconscious right? Maybe he thought the brain injury would ruin her memory, she would forget what he looked like?” Morgan guesses.

You look around at the rest of the team. Reid has his eyes trained on the file the entire conversation. He looks deep in thought.

“What is it, pretty boy? No facts or numbers to quote at us? What’s running through that head of yours?” Morgan calls out to Reid.

Reid snaps his attention away from the file and back to Morgan, “It’s not uncommon for a traumatic brain injury to inhibit an individual's ability to form new memories. It’s more infrequent that it causes memory loss. Head injuries are pretty variable depending on the location of the damage. Either our unsub simply doesn’t know this and intended to cause memory loss without proper knowledge of human biology or like Y/n brought up, he probably panicked.”

“We need to narrow down the suspect pool,” Hotch nods.

“Well, we have that list of all students from the area from the past 10 years who were flagged as possible victims of abuse at home.” Prentiss reaches for the list, “But it’s too long, we need something else.”

“We profiled a history of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse from the unsub’s father. He’s going after these fathers as surrogates for his own father. What if we’re missing another family dynamic?” Rossi nods and you finally catch on to his logic.

“He couldn’t bring himself to kill the girl because she’s not the object of her rage. Even further, maybe he thought he was protecting her,” You reach for your phone to dial Garcia.

“He has a sister,” Hotch nods.

“Hey, sweet cheeks what can I do for you?” Garcia’s voice comes through your phone on speaker.

“Baby girl, we need you to narrow down this list of suspects,” Morgan calls out.

“Anything for you my love,” She chirps and you hear her keyboard clacking in the background. “What should I start with?”

“Start with those with single fathers. Then narrow it down by any that have younger sisters,” Hotch nods and you focus in on his hands and the way he absentmindedly rubs his fingers together as he talks, “Then eliminate any with an education higher than high school. Chances are he never made it out of this town and ended up in a menial job.”

“I’ve got one match!” Garcia’s voice falters, “Joshua Collins, 28. Mom died when he was just a little boy. He was admitted to the hospital multiple times throughout adolescence for things like dehydration, malnutrition but his X-rays show multiple fractures that healed improperly. He failed out of high school and now works for the city dump.”

“There’s the history of abuse,” JJ nods.

“And Collins’ sister?” Hotch calls out as he leans forward towards the phone.

“Checking on her status now she’s— Oh my god,” Garcia’s voice falters, “His sister, Sarah, was admitted to the hospital about two months ago. She was beaten so bad she fell into a coma and she was taken off life support… 4 weeks ago.”

“There’s our trigger,” You push your chair away from the table, getting ready to suit up.

“Also, Sir,” Garcia interjects again, “We have another problem. His father was just released from prison today.”

“Garcia, can you trace his phone?” Hotch demands.

“It’s been turned off, Sir.”

“No need, I know exactly where he’s going,” Rossi shook his head as the whole team stands up reaching for their weapons and vests.

“Back to where it all began,” Prentiss cuts in.

“His childhood home.” Reid sighs.

You sigh frustratedly, “Oh god, he’s going to kill his dad.”

You and the rest of the team pile into the SUVs, racing to the unsub’s father’s home. “So what’s our plan?” You call out into your earpiece.

“I think we should send in Y/N and JJ,” Morgan’s voice comes through your earpiece as your SUV trails behind his, “He obviously has a problem with fatherly figures and with men in general. A woman will throw him off without angering him too much.”

“I don’t think that’s the best idea,” Hotch interrupts, “We need to draw his attention and anger away from his own father. We need someone to distract him.”

“But he might just turn his rage on one of you,” JJ argues.

“We’re equipped to handle that. Local PD and SWAT are going to meet us on site but we have the lead here,” Hotch shakes his head, “And I think this is our best option.”

Hotch’s hands are tense on the wheel, ringing small circles around it as he drives. That’s what leads you to wonder about his hesitation to send you in. You wonder whether or not his judgment is being clouded by his relationship with you.

You step out of the SUV with Hotch, Prentiss, and JJ and you all hurry to pull your vests on and assess the situation.

“There’s a sniper in the building across the way ready to take the shot if we need to,” The lead police officer nods to you all as you walk closer to the house. He hands Hotch a walkie. “He has his father and his father’s girlfriend hostage in there but he’s blocking the shot with the girlfriend’s body.”

You glance around at the growing crowd of cop cars, tactical teams, and SUVs. You have the house surrounded. 

“Do you have the shot?” Hotch speaks into his walkie. There’s a long pause before the sniper reports back, “Negative.”

“He’s going to kill her if we don’t get in there soon, especially now that he feels surrounded,” You shake your head and pull your gun from the holster. You give Morgan and Prentiss a small nod but before you guys even have a chance you spot Hotch take off his vest, place his gun on the hood of the SUV and quickly stalk off into the house.

“Hotch! Hotch!” You call after him. You glance over at the rest of the team, “What the fuck is he doing?” You shake your head and turn to run after him, gun raised but Rossi stops you holding you back. “We’re just supposed to let him go in there solo?”

“He’s our boss, we have to trust him,” Rossi yells over you and attempts to hold you back and you try to fight him off. Morgan helps Rossi drag you back but you continue to fight against their grip. 

“He just fucking stormed in there! He knows that his presence is gonna anger the unsub, does he want to die?” Your screaming is drawing the attention of every officer, agent, and SWAT member present. So much so that, Prentiss comes over to drag you away, holding you by the shoulders tightly.

“Y/n!” She holds you back and you fight around her to try and see what’s happening inside. “Look at me!” You force yourself to look into her eyes. She looks around as the rest of the team watches you two. “You have to trust that he knows what he’s doing. He’s never given you a reason to doubt him before.”

“Does he have a fucking death wish?” You shake your head.

“Look I know you care about him,” She mutters under her breath, “And I know that you two have something going on but that shouldn’t change how you act in the field. You need to trust him.”

You roll your eyes, dismissing her comments and pushing her off of you so you can turn your attention back to the house. It’s been too long. Why hasn’t he come out? Why haven’t they taken the shot?

You stand there for a few minutes, your eyes trained on the house, waiting on anything to happen. You frantically reach for the walkie, “If you have the shot take it.” As soon as you get the words out, however, you hear something that makes your heart sink into your stomach.

You see three flashes through the windows. Three gunshots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Y'ALL ! Okay this chapter was super long and that's because I took forever to update but I'm trying my best to get these out as fast as possible while still maintaining the quality of writing I hold myself to lmao.
> 
> I love you all! <3


	7. chapter seven

When you go running towards the house, no one stops you. You raise your gun and kick down the door, expecting the worst. The young woman is screaming for help. The unsub lies on the floor, two bullet wounds, one to the head, one to the chest. The unsub's father cries out for help, clutching a bleeding leg. Your eyes scan around quickly and fall on Hotch who is just sitting up from the floor, a large gash over his eyebrow dripping blood down his face. He clutches the small gun from his ankle holster.

The rest of the team comes running in behind you with a flurry of paramedics and police offices. You ignore most of the commotion and bend down to Hotch's level. His breathing is ragged and he groans softly in pain. You grip his chin tightly in your small hands, tilting his head to get a good look at the cut on his face.

He attempts to pull away from your grip but you hold on too tightly to let him, "I'm okay," He reassures you but you don't speak, simply letting go of his face and looking over his body for any other signs of injury.

He places his palms on the floor, getting ready to stand, "Hey, Y/n." He calls and you look back up into his eyes. You gnaw at the inside of your cheek anxiously and you feel your brows knitted tightly together, "I'm okay. Look at me, I'm okay." He speaks softly to you. As he goes to get up you place a hand on his shoulder, trying to keep him on the floor. Despite the fact that he's much larger than you, and you're definitely not strong enough to keep him on the ground he stops.

"We need a medic," You call out to one of the paramedics entering the house.

Hotch waves his hand and tries to push you away slightly, "Really I'm fine."

You wave over a medic, help Hotch up off the floor, and hand him off to the paramedic who walks him outside. You stand still in the center of the room, everyone moving around you. The coroner loads the unsub onto the gurney, zipping up the body bag around him. The unsub's father is quickly carted away on a gurney and loaded into an ambulance.

"You okay?" Prentiss places a hand on your shoulder, coming up behind you.

"Yeah," You feel her eyes scan over you. Her hand moves, rubbing a reassuring circle into your back.

"I didn't mean to get so harsh with you earlier," She sighs, "But Hotch is okay. You need to trust him."

"I know, Emily," Your tone is biting. You don't mean to snap at her but right now all you can think about is Hotch. There's a long moment of silence between the two of you. Your eyes remain on the unsub's father, "It just feels like we're letting a criminal go free." You avoid the topic of Hotch entirely. At this point, Emily has clearly figured you two out and it's inevitable that the rest of the team will find out soon, especially after your outburst.

"I know," She speaks softly with you. There's another long pause. "Go. Make sure he's not giving the paramedics a hard time." She laughs lightheartedly but you can't manage a smile.

You pull yourself away from Emily's touch and push your way outside, tearing at the velcro of your vest feeling smothered and suffocated by its presence. You rip the Kevlar from your body. Your heart is still racing. It hasn't slowed down since you heard those gunshots.

You feel sick. You make your way back to one of the SUVs and pause to lean back against it, attempting to catch your breath. Your stomach turns. You lean forward, placing your hands on your thighs, hunched forward. You feel like you're going to be sick but nothing happens. You stand there, hunched over, breathing fast.

When you finally stand up straight and look up you lock eyes with Hotch. He looks over you, brows furrowed harshly. The paramedic stands next to him tending to his head wound. He says something to the medic but never tears his eyes from you.

You walk over on shaky legs, your heart is pounding in your ears.

"Is he going to be okay?" You nod to the medic as he places a few steri-strips on Hotch's forehead.

"He's lucky it's not too deep," He wipes away the blood from the rest of Hotch's face, "Might have some headaches and sensitivity to light but I don't think he has a full blown concussion."

"Good," You nod a few more times as you cross your arms over your chest, "Thank you."

"Are you okay?" Hotch's gaze is soft as he looks over you. He notes the way your chest rises and falls rapidly and how you're biting the inside of your cheek incessantly.

"What were you thinking?" You spit out at him, keeping your voice low. "Do you have a fucking death wish?"

"I understand you're upset with me but I had it handled," Hotch shakes his head slightly.

"Handled? You could've gotten yourself killed." You take a step closer to him.

"I knew what I was going into." He crosses one arm across his body and brings the other hand to his face, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together, "I had my second firearm and I knew that Collins wasn't going down without a fight."

"So you stormed in there without your vest?"

"He had to see me as non-threatening."

"What if something happened to you? What if you got hurt?" You clench and unclench your fists tightly at your side.

"I didn't get hurt. I'm okay." He reaches to grab your hand.

"You are— you are incredibly stupid," You rip your hand away from him and look around to make sure the rest of the team can't see you two. Your concern and anxiety from the past 20 mins are melting away into anger. Anger at Hotch. "Was this your fucked up idea of protecting me?"

At that, Hotch's face contorts into a frown, "No."

"I mean is that why you wouldn't let me go in with JJ? Because you want to protect me? I'm a trained agent, not some scared little girl." You scoff and cross your arms again.

"I don't think of you like that, Y/n. I made this decision as the leader of the team. This was the best plan."

"Like hell it was."

"You know, no other team member seems to have a problem with what I did."

"It was impulsive and emotional and just ridiculous!" You argue with him. At this point, you can't stop. Every frustration, emotion, and feeling towards Hotch just seems to be fueling your anger. "Did you even think for a second to tell us what you were doing?"

"I didn't think—"

"No, you didn't think—"

"I didn't think I had to justify myself to you," He finally rises from his seated position in the ambulance. He's towering over you and he's raising his voice. "At the end of the day, I am the leader of this team. I get the final say."

You open your mouth to protest but he cuts you off before you can say anything, "Conduct yourself like that again and I will have you taken out of the field. Indefinitely."

You roll your eyes and cross your arms like a snotty teenager getting scolded for breaking curfew.

"I want you to go back to the station and pack up all the case files, the crime scene photos, and everything on the case board." He demands harshly.

You avoid his gaze. "Do I make myself clear, Agent?" He takes a step closer and glares down at you.

"Crystal... Sir," You spit the word out venomously. You know that throwing that word in his face is different now. You only call him sir when you two are fucking. It's your name for him while you guys are playing. It's not what you call him at work anymore. You throw that word at him because you know it will make him angry. There's a small pause before he pushes past you, walking back to the SUVs. You turn in the opposite direction, storming off, your blood still boiling, heart still racing, the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach not showing signs of going away.

* * *

You wrap your arms around the two huge boxes in the conference room of the police station and struggle to lift them off the table. You awkwardly fumble for the light switch before realizing that you've left your bag and jacket in the conference room. "Fucking asshole," You curse Hotch for the hundredth time as you turn to head back into the room when you almost run into an officer holding out your jacket and bag. "Oh god, I'm sorry." You let out, jolting in shock, not expecting to see him behind you.

"I didn't mean to scare you," He laughs and holds your bag out. You try to balance the two heavy boxes on your thigh as you reach out your hand for your go-bag but the top box starts to slide off, threatening to topple over, spilling all the contents.

The cop quickly shoots his arms out and catches the box, "I got it." He nods and laughs again as you let out a small sigh of relief.

"God, I must seem like such a mess for an FBI agent," You try and joke. You eye his name badge before returning his warm smile, "Thank you, Officer Wilkes."

"Agent... Y/L/N, right?" He gives a small nod of his head, "Please, just call me Liam."

"Y/N," You give him your first name, "I would shake your hand but," You lift the boxes, "My hands are a little full."

Liam looks around the station, "Yeah, aren't there like 7 of you?" He looks back at you with bright blue eyes. You take a second to look him over. He's tall, not as tall as Aaron but definitely way more muscular than him. You can see his arm muscles practically threatening to tear through his police uniform. Very much your usual type.

"My boss' way of punishing me," You shrug and roll your eyes playfully.

"Punishing you? What, are you a child or something?" He moves to put the box on top of the first in your arms, your arms dropping slightly from the weight.

"He definitely thinks so," You laugh.

"Here, let me help you carry all this," He holds his arms out for the boxes.

"No, it's okay. I can take care of it all," You try to wave him off, "Besides these are pretty heavy. I don't think you could carry them." You turn on a flirtatious tone, already sensing Liam's shift in demeanor around you.

He rolls his eyes and reaches for the boxes, handing you your go bag and coat. He starts to walk you towards the door and out into the humid night. "So where's your car?"

"I have to call one of my coworkers for a ride," You bite your lip, just now remembering that Prentiss dropped you off at the station.

Liam's eyes widen and he shakes his head, "You know I was already grateful to your team for solving this case and all but damn... right now I'm extra grateful."

You scrunch your face up in confusion and reach for your phone, ready to dial Prentiss for a ride, "Why's that?"

"Because now I get to offer you a ride home," He shoves his hands in his pockets.

You can't help but smile at him. He's sweet. He's kind... He's age-appropriate. You tuck your phone away, "You flirt with every FBI agent you meet or just me?"

"Just you," He tilts his head, gesturing towards the squad cars, "I'm over here."

You follow close behind him, loading the boxes into the car and he takes the bag from your shoulder. His hand brushes against the bare skin of your arm. You note the lack of electricity, it just doesn't have the same sparking feeling that Hotch's touch does. Your mind travels back to your unit chief and you struggle to pull your attention back to the present.

Liam stands up straight after closing the trunk and you feel him shrink the space between your bodies. "So where's your hotel?" He breathes out, his eyes looking down your body. You glance down at his lips and tuck a finger under his chin, forcing his eyes into yours.

"Come on," You laugh and move around to get in his car.

The drive back to your hotel isn't awkward. You make polite small talk with him. He asks you all the standard questions aka, why you joined the FBI, what DC is like, how hard was the training for the FBI, about your hometown. You reciprocate, asking about his job and Houston in general. You feel as if you reach your hotel in practically no time and he helps you unload the boxes and walks you into the lobby.

"Let me get someone to help you take these up to your room," He starts to wave over a bell boy to help you but you're feeling bold.

"What? Too heavy for you?" You smirk and adjust your bag on your shoulder.

He laughs and bends down to pick up the boxes again, "I was trying to be a gentleman. Southern courtesy and all that," He teases.

"Good thing I'm from DC," You tease and start walking towards the elevator, "Wait... don't tell me you actually enjoy country music?"

"You don't?" He smirks and you shake your head. "Oh! Hold the elevator!" He calls out and goes running forward sticking his hand out into the door to hold it open.

"Thank you," You smile and step into the elevator. You stop in the doorway as you lock eyes with Hotch. You take a step in and turn around, avoiding Hotch's eyes. Liam follows in close behind you and steps off to your other side. He looks over at Liam next to you.

He glances at Hotch as he steps and nods, "Agent Hotchner," He smiles and sticks out his hand, "Officer Liam Wilkes. It was an honor to work with you on this case."

Hotch rubs his thumb and forefinger at his side and simply glances over at you. He keeps his eyes on you for a second before turning his attention back to Liam and shakes his hand, "Thanks for working so well with us."

You keep your eyes trained on the floor directly in front of you. Hotch reaches forward and hits the floor button for you.

"Floor?" He eyes Liam.

Liam opens his mouth before glancing at you and you feel as if your face might explode from the flush that's building on your cheeks, "Uh same floor."

There's a long pause. A very, very long moment of silence as the elevator comes to life, moving up.

"So back to country music," Liam finally turns his attention back to you.

"Are you still hung up on this?" You try to force out a laugh, but your whole body feels on edge just standing next to Hotch.

"I just need to know if you like it or not," He nudges your arm playfully.

"Most definitely not," You shake your head. "Why? Is that a deal-breaker?" The words tumble out of your mouth without thinking and you can feel the tension between you and Hotch growing. The air practically feels thick as you move to push your hair out of your face.

"Eh, I'll overlook it," He grins eagerly, "You're worth the sacrifice." Hotch lets out a small haughty scoff and you shoot him a glare.

The elevator dings and the door opens, "This is your floor." Hotch interrupts abruptly, clearing his throat. He doesn't bother giving either of you a second glance and exits the elevator turning down the hallway to walk to his room.

"That was my boss," You whisper shout at Liam as you push him playfully.

"Yeah, and?" He bends down to grab the boxes.

"You can't just flirt with me like that in front of my boss!" You try to explain as the flustered feeling in the pit of your stomach grows just thinking about Hotch.

"You're not a child," He laughs, "What does he think men don't notice you or flirt with you?"

"We've been over this, he treats me like a child," You roll your eyes and lead him down the hallway to your room. You pull out the card, swiping it, and opening the door for the both of you, "You can just put those boxes down anywhere."

He places them in the corner and you just throw your bag onto the bed. "Thank you again. For everything. I really appreciate it."

"Anytime," He nods and walks closer and closer towards you. You back up slightly, but you don't have far to go as your back soon hits the door. He places one hand on your hip and the other on the door next to you. You feel yourself leaning up towards him, his face growing closer to yours. You're centimeters from kissing him when you finally speak up.

"I- uh-" You fumble with your words, "You should go." You squeak out.

"I'm sorry," He takes a few steps away from you.

"No, no I just... I didn't mean to lead you on like this," You place your hands over your face, "It's just my boss—"

"Ah..." He lets out a small sigh and grins wider, "I get it."

"You do?" You ask and take a few steps forward so that you can open the door for him.

He steps out and you follow him to walk him out, "It's kind of obvious. I mean you got so uncomfortable around him in the elevator."

You shake your head as you walk him to the elevator. "I'm sorry. Again."

"It's okay. It was amazing to meet you," He smirks and walks into the elevator before turning around, "If you're ever in Houston again and you want to follow through on all of this... give me a call." You nod in agreement and give a small awkward wave as the doors close on him, hiding him from your sight. You let out a tired sigh and turn to make your way back to your room. Once you turn the corner you see Hotch pacing slightly in front of your door. You roll your eyes and try your best to stalk past him.

"I'm not in the mood to argue right now, Hotch," You step forward towards the door but he doesn't move out of the way. "Are you kidding me right now?"

"Were you going to fuck him?" He asks bluntly and you scoff.

"You're ridiculous," You chuckle bitterly, "I'm not allowed to be mad at you for stupidly risking your life, but you can get mad at me for needing help with the work that you left me to do all by myself."

"Were you going to fuck him?" He repeats but this time slower, with more emphasis on each and every word.

"Is that really your business?" You cross your arms.

"Yes."

You shake your head, "As team leader," You mock his words from earlier, "You don't need to know about my sex life. Now let me in my fucking room."

He blocks your way again, "Out there, in the field, I have to be your boss."

You shake your head and turn away from him, walking to the other side of the hallway, "you didn't act like my boss today, you acted like an overprotective, emotional..." You pause. You turn to look at him. "You acted like an emotional boyfriend. And you're not my fucking boyfriend."

Hotch's jaw clenches and unclenches as he grinds his teeth slightly. He uncrosses his arms just to rub his fingers together at his side. "I know that. Trust me, I'm fully aware of that fact."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You make everything so difficult. You're so frustrating." Hotch runs a hand through his hair messily. "I can't focus on work, I can't focus at home, I can't even breathe without thinking about you!"

"And that's my fault?"

"Yes! You didn't have to show up at my place that night, you didn't need to do this to me," He throws his hands up in frustration, "I was doing just fine without thinking about you like this. I had finally put those thoughts to rest and then you show up on my doorstep, wet from the rain and storming into my house."

"You thought about me before that night?" Your voice is softer, the harsh tone disappearing as Hotch rambles. You don't think you've ever heard him talk so much and so animatedly.

"I— yeah," He sighs, "And I think about you all the time. If anything happens to you... I just don't think I'll survive another loss."

You know that he means Haley. That alone causes your heart to sink into your stomach. He's comparing you to Haley. Does he... feel the same way about you as he did with Haley? You lean back against the wall and slide down it slowly, holding your head in your hands.

There's a long pause but Hotch crosses the hallway and sits down beside you. "I care about you," He says softly, his voice practically a whisper. The two of you must look like teenagers, sitting in the hallway together, your knees pulled up to your chest. You can see Hotch turn to look at you, his eyes remaining trained on your face. "And I think my brain convinced me in some weird way, going in there today solo would protect you."

"I can take care of myself. I did just fine on this team before we started all of this." You suck in a slow breath before turning to look at him. You have no words. Everything you want to say disappears from your mind. All you can manage to do is lean forward. As you do, Hotch cups your cheek and pulls you in close.

The kiss is slow and soft. It's not the kind of kiss that makes your knees go weak or makes you clench your thighs together. It's the kind of kiss that warms every inch of your body. It's the kind of kiss that makes you feel like you're floating. The kind of kiss that stirs those butterflies in your stomach.

You pull away slightly, out of breath before you move closer, pulling him in for a more passionate kiss.

"We should-" You pant as he tangles his fingers in your hair at the base of your neck. You moan softly into his mouth, "We should take this into my room."

He nods and pulls away before standing up. He holds his hand out to help you up from the floor. You interlace your fingers with his and he pulls you to the door. You dig around in your pocket for the hotel key card and he rushes to scan the card, unlocking the door, practically dragging you in.

As soon as the door closes, he flips you around against it. His hands rest on your sides, holding you against the door tightly before pressing his lips against yours. It's urgent yet gentle all at the same.

You moan into his mouth and throw your arms over his shoulders lazily. He pulls you away from the door so that your body is flush against his. "I need you," He mumbles against your skin and kisses down under your jaw.

"Mhm," You moan out in agreement and start to push him backwards, both of you slowly making your way towards the bed. Once you reach it you push him back roughly onto the edge of the bed. Your actions elicit a small chuckle out of him.

"Shut up," You groan softly. He leans back on his hands and watches as you strip your clothes from your body, revealing your lace bra and panties.

He smirks and you move to straddle his waist, bending down to kiss him passionately. His hands run from your lower back all the way up to your shoulders as his tongue invades your mouth and he nips at your bottom lip gently, "You wear that for me?" His fingers pull the bra straps from your shoulders.

You groan and grind your hips against his, feeling his growing bulge pressing against your wet pussy. You moan loudly at the feeling and kiss him hungrily.

"You really thought you could fuck someone else?" He growls and moves his mouth to nip and kiss at your jawline. You throw your head back slightly allowing him more access. You feel his fingertips digging into your hips roughly

"No," You whine. Your skin is on fire. He kisses your chest and gently bites at the skin. He stands up, your legs still wrapped around his waist and he turns, dropping you onto the bed.

"No?"

"No, sir," You nod and spread your legs widely as Hotch starts to pull the clothes from his body. As he does, you trail your hand down, rubbing yourself roughly through your panties, your clit practically aching for some form of friction. A guttural groan erupts from your throat.

"Always such an eager girl," He shakes his head. Once he's stripped of all his clothes but his boxers he moves to the bed, kneeling at the edge. He grabs your hips and yanks you to the edge, ripping your panties off.

You hear the fabric tear as he does and let out a laugh, "You better buy me another pair."

"I'll buy you whatever you want if it means I can watch you cum as I devour you," He growls and buries his head between your legs. He gives you one long stroke with his tongue. You arch your back in response. Hotch pulls away for a second, "Let me hear how good I make you feel."

"Fuck," You whine as he inserts two fingers into you slowly at first. His tongue flicks over your clit rapidly and he curls his fingers, already hitting your g-spot so perfectly. You ball up the sheets in your hands and let out a string of incoherent moans and curses.

He starts to speed up the pace of his fingers, your pussy clenching tightly around them as he does. You run your hands down to slip off your bra, your hands immediately moving to massage your breasts. You take a nipple in each hand and roll them between your thumb and forefinger. In conjunction with the way Aaron is finger fucking you roughly at this point, you don't think your first orgasm is far away.

Aaron pulls his mouth away from your pussy and inserts a third finger, stretching you out, "You can take more, baby," He mutters under his breath and you continue to play with your nipples as you grind your clit against the palm of his hand.

"Fuck yes!" You cry, "I need to cum, please!" You pant heavily, your skin growing hot with each second. The tension builds between your hips and you let your eyes close as the pleasure starts to overwhelm you.

"I want you to look at me as you cum on my fingers," He commands and your eyes shoot open, looking directly into his. As soon as you do, your orgasm rocks your body, legs shaking, pussy throbbing around his fingers. He thrusts his fingers deeper and harsher into you, fucking you ruthlessly through your orgasm. "Good girl," He mutters and bends down to kiss your lips. The kiss is soft and slow as you come down from the high of your orgasm. He pulls away, putting his finger to your lips and you take them into your mouth swirling your tongue around them sucking lightly, eliciting a deep groan from Aaron.

"What do you want, baby?" He whispers bending close to your ear before moving to kiss just under your jaw.

"I want to ride your dick," You moan out.

"Good girl," He mutters again. He pulls away to pull off his boxers, his hard dick hitting his stomach lightly as he does. He moves back to you and bends down, scooping one arm under you to lift you up and guide you to straddle his lap on the edge of the bed.

His dick rubs against your wet pussy as you put your hands on his shoulders rocking against him gently. "I want to make you feel good," He groans and brings a hand up to cup your cheek, tilting your head down so he can kiss you again. You grind your hips against him harder.

"Can I ride you, sir?" You whine out and lift your hips. He holds you up, teasing your entrance with his tip before giving your clit a few slaps with his hard dick. He groans softly and slams your hips down, burying himself deep inside you.

For some reason he feels bigger than usual, stretching you and hitting deep. You cry out, out of pain and pleasure and Aaron keeps your hips still for a second. He pauses before dragging your hips back up, agonizingly slow, "Just like that. Take my cock like a good girl." He groans. You clench around him, your legs already trembling as you start to slowly ride him.

Your nails dig into the back of his shoulders as he begins to guide your hips at a faster pace. You lean down kissing him urgently. "Rub your clit for me, baby," He groans into your mouth. You do as he says and reach down, rubbing hasty, needy circles on your clit.

Hotch tugs at your bottom lip with his teeth before pulling away from the kiss to let out a series of loud groans, "God you're so fucking wet and tight just for me." He groans loudly, "I want you to cum around my cock."

"I'm going to cum!" You cry out as his dick hits your g-spot with every thrust. You feel your legs shaking once again and your pussy throbs wildly around his cock. He starts to thrust his hips roughly to meet yours, once again fucking you through your orgasm, lengthening your pleasure and sending you overboard with overstimulation.

"Just like that baby, cum for me," He groans and you feel his cock throbbing and twitch inside of you as he releases with a loud grunt and starts to slow his thrusts.

You pant heavily, leaning your whole weight against him. Hotch slowly moves the two of you laying you down on the bed next to him, attempting to catch his breath himself.

A calm silence settles over the room and the two of you as you attempt to slow your breathing and steady your heart rate.

After a long while, Hotch flips on his side to look at you, "That was..."

You keep your eyes trained on the ceiling and smile softly, "Yeah." You finish his sentence.

"Hey," He says and reaches forward to turn your head gently so you look at him. "I mean it. I care about you. A lot."

"I know," Your voice is so small. The silence in the room seems to swallow up your voice and as you look into Hotch's eyes you feel that feeling again. The one that strikes so much fear into you. You want to tell him you care about him too. You want to pull him close and never let go. Instead, you just lie there, staring into his eyes as he stares right back. "I almost lost you today." You let out.

"I know," He reaches forward and cups your cheek, "I'm sorry. I won't go anywhere."

You flip on your side, turning away from him. He throws an arm over you, pulling you closer to him. "I promise I'm not going anywhere. Nothing's going to happen to me."

You let out a small sigh as you feel your eyes fluttering closed. You're just drifting off to sleep but that doesn't stop you from hearing what Hotch says to you next, "And I'm never going to let anything happen to you. I will give my life protecting you." He kisses your shoulder as he speaks and your heart practically jumps out of your chest as he does. Yes. He is definitely falling for you. And you're definitely falling for him.

And you've never been more terrified in your entire life.


	8. chapter 8

“I have never been more ready to leave in my entire life,” You groan loudly and drop into your desk chair, smiling at Reid who sits across from you. “Everyone seemed to rush out of here pretty quickly.” You kick your feet up on the desk and Reid tries to organize all the paperwork the two of you worked through.

“I kind of enjoy paperwork,” Reid nods, “It’s therapeutic.”

“You enjoy it because you can read at light speed,” You roll your eyes, “Some of us read at a normal human speed.”

“Actually your reading speed is well above average at about 1200 words per minute,” He gives a tight-lipped smirk. “The average adult can only read at 300 words per minute so honestly you’re pretty fast. Plus the comparison of my reading speed to light speed makes no sense because the units of light speed are meters per second whereas reading is in units of words—”

“Reid,” You laugh and lay your head back on the chair, “I’m too tired to remind you that I was making a joke.”

“Oh,” He pauses for a second, his mouth forming a small ‘O’. You sit up slightly and open your eyes again, looking up at Hotch’s office. His desk lamp is bright and he’s focused on the paperwork in front of him. You see his chest rise and fall with a heavy sigh and he leans back in his chair, running a hand up to his mouth. You remain frozen in place, your eyes trained on him until he turns his attention out the blinds and he locks eyes with you. 

Reid lets out a laugh beside you and your focus snaps back to Reid, “You want to drop these papers off in his office?”

“What?” You pull your feet off the desk and sit up slightly. 

“Here you go, Sir. I worked really hard on the paperwork all for you,” He taunts in a silly, fake seductive voice. 

“Oh shut the fuck up,” You laugh playfully and kick him under the desk.

He jumps, letting out a small grunt of pain, “Hey, hey, hey! I’ve got a bad knee.”

“Don’t pull that shit with me,” You laugh at him, “You got shot over 2 years ago. Pack it up, Reid.”

“Pack what up?” Reid’s face contorts, his brows furrowing.

“It’s just slang. It means like-” You shake your head, “Boy genius, you really need to use your phone to its fullest potential and browse the internet for once.”

“I use the internet!” He protests, “I browse this one webpage that chronicles all the scientific inconsistencies of pop culture's biggest sci-fi movies and tv shows. They’ve ranked them in one big master document. One of the most controversial rankings is the Matrix is close to the bottom of the list. Aside from the fact that it’s hailed as one of the most successful and popular sci fi movies of all time, it’s wildly scientifically inaccurate. I mean the notion that machines could use humans’ body heat for power makes no sense. There are much better ways to harvest energy from the human body.”

As Reid starts to ramble yet again, you stand up and walk to his desk to grab the files, “That’s by far one of the creepiest things you’ve ever said. And we catch serial killers for a living.”

“You want help carrying the paperwork?” Reid watches you piling the files into your arms.

“No, I’ve got it.”

“Oh, you want some alone time with Hotch?” He grins.

You let out a frustrated sigh, “Can you just,” You glance up at Hotch’s office, “Just keep your voice down?” 

“What? Is he gonna punish you?” Reid teases with a smirk and your jaw drops open. You kick his chair away from you and your face turns a bright red color.

“I’m going to kill Garcia.” Reid opens his mouth to protest but you cut him off, “Don’t even try and cover for her. I know she’s the one who told you.” You turn from him and start to walk up the stairs to Hotch’s office, “Enjoy riding the metro home alone!” You flip him off as you knock on the door. 

You hear Hotch mutter a small ‘come in’ from inside and you step inside closing the door behind you. His focus remains down on the paperwork and you stand in the middle of the office awkwardly for a second before finally speaking up, “Reid and I finished the paperwork.”

“You can just put it here,” He points to a small empty section of his desk. “Thank you.”

You nod and move to walk around the side of his desk putting the papers down. He glances at you sideways and smiles softly, “Thanks for finishing all of that. And thank Reid.”

“Yeah well having him here helped a lot. The doctor’s speed reading is always a handy tool,” You grin. 

Hotch lets out a telling sigh and goes back to writing up a case briefing. You look up and out the blinds for a second, seeing the empty bullpen except for Reid who is lost in thought in the obscenely large book he has his face buried in. You turn and sit against the edge of the desk. “You alright?”

Hotch barely gives you a second look, “Yeah. Just a lot of work to get done.”

You reach forward, placing your hand delicately on his chin turning his face to look at you. You give him a warm smile, “You work yourself too hard.”

Hotch leans back in his chair a little, placing a hand on your exposed thigh. The touch is warm and sends tingles through your body. He keeps his eyes trained on the hand on your thigh, rubbing it over your skin slowly, “I know.”

“You know we could all always take on more work so that you’re not stuck here so late doing all this yourself,” You gesture to the mountains of paperwork piled across his desk.

Hotch shakes his head, “I can’t put that on you guys.” He sighs and gives your thigh a small squeeze, “This is all just part of my job.”

“You just get yourself so stressed.” You let out a small breath, your eyes trained on his hand as it gently rubs your skin. “I worry about you.”

He looks up at you, “You make me calm. Having you around helps me.” His voice is soft, barely filling the room.

You can’t stop a smile from spreading across your face. “Good thing I don’t plan on going anywhere soon.” Your attention goes back to the window, watching Reid pack up his things.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just… it’s a lot sometimes. It feels like it never ends,” There’s a feeling of comfort around Hotch. It’s easy talking to him. Though your feelings scare you, just how real it’s becoming terrifies you, but you wouldn’t want to be with anyone else at this moment. 

The two of you sit in silence for a few minutes, one of his hands lazily rubbing your thigh and the other flipping through paperwork while you simply sit and look out the blinds at the empty BAU.

“You want to get out of here?” Hotch drops his pen onto the desk and closes the files in front of him.

“Where would we go?” You look at him confused.

He pauses for a second before a small smile grows on his face, “I know a place.” He nods, “Come on.” He’s quick to stand up and reaches for your hand. He grabs it, interlacing his fingers in yours.

“Hotch, I’m still in my work clothes,” You giggle softly and fumble to grab your go-bag from the desk. He leans over and takes it from your hands.

“I promise it’s going to be worth it,” He practically drags you out to his car. You slide into the passenger’s side and watch as he hurriedly drives both of you out of the parking garage.

He places a hand on your upper thigh as he drives, his thumb rubbing small circles into the skin. “You sure you can’t tell me where we’re going?”

Hotch grins and shakes his head, “I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“Should I be scared of you?” You tease, “You know I have my Glock in the back, right?”

“And if I remember correctly, I’m the one who helped you pass your firearm certification after you failed the first time.” A sly smirk overtakes his lips and it warms your insides to see him so blissfully and truly happy with you.

“I didn’t fail, I just didn’t pass,” You tease and roll your eyes at him. “Plus you weren’t much help.”

“Oh really?”

“You were so... hands-off. So hesitant to really show me what to do,” You laugh and grin at him.

“Well I wasn’t going to try and hit on you,” He shakes his head, “You were new. It would’ve been inappro-”

“Inappropriate, yeah I know,” You roll your eyes, “Doesn’t mean I didn’t want you to at the time.”

“You did?” He glances over at you.

“Oh god don’t tell me you didn’t notice me flustered all the time around you.” You blush slightly but shake your head at him. “I was crushing on you so much when I first got to the BAU. It was so embarrassing.”

“I didn’t realize.”

“You know for a profiler you tend to miss a lot.” As Hotch drives, the street lamps illuminate the car as you pass them, creating a steady pulse of light inside the car. You pass another light and you watch a smile spread across Hotch’s face.

“I mean I thought about it, but once I found out you were in a relationship I just chalked it up to nerves and an attempt to prove yourself.” He speaks candidly.

“For the past 2 years?”

“You always seek validation,” He shrugs. “It wouldn’t be out of character.”

“Ok no,” You laugh, “No profiling. I don’t want to know how well you actually know me.” 

“I wasn’t profiling.” He tries to argue but you shake your head again.

“I know you were and I know you do it. Just don’t give the profile to me.” The car comes to a stop and you look out the window, not exactly sure where you are or why you’re here.

“Come on,” He gives you a wide smile and hurries to park the car, open your door and help you out. He leads you out to a small lookout point, overlooking the entirety of Rock Creek Park. 

You take a moment, walking a few steps towards the edge, taking in the clear sky and the bright stars. It’s quiet and peaceful. It’s almost as if the whole world starts to drift away as you look out into the night. You forget about the horrible things you just witnessed during the last case. You forget about the world. You’re not even sure what time it is. You even forget Hotch is there for a second until he speaks out, breaking the silence.

Hotch nods slightly, “I used to come here all the time during law school.” He comes up close behind you and wraps his arms around your waist.

“It’s beautiful,” You mutter softly, laying your head back against his chest.

“Mhm,” He mumbles as he rests his chin on the top of your head. 

You both stand there for a while. You don’t need to speak. He moves his chin off of your head and buries his head into your shoulder. “You make me happy,” He says softly and kisses your neck lightly.

Your heart feels like it’s exploding out of your chest. You tilt your head to back a little as he kisses you, your eyes fluttering shut, “You make me happy too.” The words tumble out of your mouth. It takes everything in you not to pull away from him. You want to cut the moment short. Everything between you is becoming so real. And when things become real people get hurt. You smile as you stare up at the sky, Hotch’s lips slowly trailed down your neck to your shoulders. He pulls back your shirt a little to kiss exposed skin.

“I want to look up at the sky,” You huff out your words breathily.

“Aren’t you doing that right now?” He hums against your warm skin but you turn and pull away. 

You walk back towards the car, “I’m hurting my neck looking up like that.”

“You are so ridiculous.” Hotch turns and follows close behind. “Are you really going to sit on my car?” He chuckles and crosses his arms. You turn, placing your hands firmly behind you and lifting yourself up onto the car. You swing your legs off the front. “You’re going to dent the hood.” He rolls his eyes but the smile never leaves his face.

“I can see the stars much better like this,” You ignore his protests and lean back on your hands looking up at the sky. “Everything is just so large and… overpowering. It makes me feel so small and unimportant.”

Hotch lets out a low rumbling laugh and you snap your head back to look at him, “Don’t laugh at me!” You shake your head as he moves closer and eventually parts your legs, standing between them.

“I’m not laughing at you,” He argues, eyes darting down to your lips.

“You’re not looking at the stars,” You tease, “That’s why we came here.”

“No, I brought you here to spend time with you away from the BAU and the case files and the crime scene photos and just… all of that,” He brings a hand up to your cheek, trailing his knuckles down your face. He brushes his thumb over your bottom lip. “You’re not unimportant. You’re important to me.”

Once again, your heart swells. You can feel it practically bruising your ribcage. You lean in to kiss him but just as you press your lips to his, you feel soft water droplets landing on your shoulders. You laugh against his lips and pull away, holding your palms up to feel the rain. Within a matter of seconds, the light drizzle turns into a downpour. 

Hotch is quick to turn and shield his head with his jacket, rushing around to the driver’s side of the car and opening the door. You, however, simply hop off the hood and stand in the rain. You’ve always loved when it rains. You smile wildly and let out a light laugh that turns into a happy little scream of excitement. 

“We have to get in the car! We should get covered!” Hotch calls to you over the loud roar of the rain. 

“You don’t go inside when it rains!” You turn around to face him. You stick your arms out and tilt your head up to the sky letting the rain soak you, “You have to enjoy the rain!”

“You’re crazy, you know that?” He yells back, “You’re soaking wet!”

You look down at your white button-down and smile at the transparency of the material. When you look up you notice Hotch’s eyes flick down to your lacy bra and then back up into your eyes. “You can’t get in the car with your clothes soaking wet,” Hotch argues.

“Then I guess I’ll just have to take them off,” You tease playfully and reach for the buttons on your shirt. You see Hotch hold his head for a second before sighing and stepping back out into the rain.

“You can’t just— Y/n put your shirt back on!” He groans and comes walking over, his face scrunched up as the rain soaks through his clothes.

“I want to feel the rain!” You smile widely and pull your shirt open, letting it hang from your shoulders.

“We’re in public! Public indecency is a class 1 misdemeanor in Virginia,” He shakes his head again. You can hear the joking tone in his voice but his eyes can’t help but roam over every soaking wet inch of your body.

“What? Are you going to arrest me?” You reach for the top button of your pants with a smirk.

Hotch shakes his head, “Don’t you dare. Get in the car. Now.” He points back towards the car as he comes up close to you. 

“You going to make me?” You back away from him, spinning in the rain a little bit. You hear him let out another groan before you’re whisked off your feet and thrown over his shoulder.

You squeal out and turn your head to look at Hotch, “What are you doing?”

“I told you to get in the car,” He. He opens the back door and tosses you roughly into the backseat.

You sit up on your elbows slightly and look at him, “All this because of a silly little rain strip tease?” You grin.

“You are insufferable sometimes,” He groans and moves into the backseat, hovering over you, “Yet so adorable,” He sighs and kisses you slowly but passionately. 

You moan into the kiss and arch up into him, reaching for his damp tie and button-down. “We’re going to get the backseat wet.” You pull the tie from his neck and push his shirt off.

“Whose fault is that?” He teases and continues to kiss you, wrapping an arm around your back to hold you to him.

“You know public sex is a misdemeanor in Virginia,” You taunt him breathlessly as he kisses under your jaw, nipping lightly at the skin.

“God, do you ever shut up?” He groans, hooking his fingers into your pants, pushing them down hurriedly.

“Someone is very needy,” You whine out. Before you even have a chance to taunt him more, his hand moves to rub you through your panties. The touch immediately ignites your body, your back arching harshly and you let out a gasp of pleasure.

“Look who’s talking,” He pulls your panties halfway down your legs before pushing your knees apart. “Oh look how fucking wet you are for me.” You clench your pussy around nothing as he says that and he gives you a slight spank on your clit. You jump with pleasure, hissing at the feeling.

“Always so ready for me,” He rubs lazy circles around your clit, teasing your entrance with two fingers.

“Mmh,” You moan and clench your thighs around his hand, “Please,” You cry out.

“Please, what?” He trails his free hand up to your throat, gripping it in one hand, using his thumb to tilt your head back roughly. 

“Please sir,” You groan loudly, “I want your fingers in my pussy.”

Hotch releases your neck harshly and thrusts two fingers into you curling them immediately. You feel your eyes fluttering shut, “Look at me while I finger fuck you, baby,” Your eyes open again and you grind your clit against the palm of his hand.

Your clit throbs from the stimulation as your pussy clenches around his fingers. “You look so fucking hot like this baby,” He lets out a small strangled groan as he moves his other hand to palm himself through his slacks.

The sight has you reeling for air as you pant heavily, moans flowing from your mouth. Hotch hits your g-spot and thrusts his fingers faster as you feel the knots building in your stomach. You grind your clit against his hand in rhythm with his thrusts. 

He removes his hand from his now completely hard dick and brings it up to wrap around your throat tightly just as you feel yourself teetering on the edge. He applies just enough pressure to your throat that you feel the light-headed euphoric feeling flowing through you hear. You feel your legs trembling with pleasure as you orgasm around his fingers, eyes rolling back into your head, stars coating your vision as his fingers tighten around your throat.

He continues to finger fuck you through the orgasm, rubbing your clit with his palm. The overstimulation intensifies your orgasm and you attempt to squirm away from his touch but he doesn’t yet stop.

“You can come again for me,” He nods and yanks your hips towards him, lifting them up in the air so he can burrow his head between your thighs, throwing your legs over his shoulders.

“Please,” You pant, barely able to catch your breath from your first orgasm.

He runs his tongue along your sensitive clit and you cry out, “You can come again for me baby,” He groans before sucking on your clit. 

His grip is bruising on your hips and you fumble for something to grab in your hands as the pleasure overwhelms your body. You tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging on the roots slightly as he licks and sucks your clit ruthlessly.

It’s not long before you feel the pressure building inside of you again. You feel flustered. The temperature in the car is rising by the second and your body feels on fire both with pleasure and with the slick sweat covering it.

Hotch presses his tongue into you as his thumb goes to rub your clit again and this time you practically screech as you clench your thighs tightly around his head. 

You orgasm for the second time, this one more intense than the first, and Hotch doesn’t let up until you’re begging him to let up. “Holy shit,” You breathe out heavily and attempt to sit up.

You watch as Hot h sits back slightly, reaching to pull off his belt and push down his slacks and boxers, freeing his hard cock. You sit forward, bending over to take just his tip into your mouth, sucking the precum off with a small grin. 

Hotch gathers up your hair for you holding it out of your face as you wrap your hand around his shaft. You pump him slowly, taking his into your mouth. You lick the underside of his cock and you feel his fingers entangle themselves in your hair, gripping tightly, taking control over your pace.

“You can take more,” he gruffly commands. He shoves your mouth down deeper, drool dripping out of the corners of your mouth. You feel his length hit the back of your throat and you gag slightly. He chuckles at the sound, “Better.”

Tears sting your eyes, his cock blocking off your airway. You lose your breath for seconds, huffing through your nose heavily. You hum around him. He moans loudly. You clench your thighs.

Hotch clenches his jaw tightly, “Yo0u want me to cum in that smart little mouth of yours but I need to fuck you.”

He tugs at the roots of your hair harshly, pushing your head all the way down to the bottom of his shaft before pulling you back up to the tip agonizingly slow. You suck his tip, swirling your tongue, desperately taking in air through your nose, your lungs burning.

Just when you feel his cock throbbing in your mouth he pulls you away, hurried pulling you to his lap. You straddle his waist, expecting him to fuck you but you just sit there for a second.

You grind your bare pussy against his dick, feeling it twitch beneath you. “Fuck,” Hotch groans out loudly, “Tell me what you want.” He mutters and grips your hips with one hand and pushes a few stray pieces of hair out of your face. 

You swirl your hips roughly, needing more friction on your clit but Hotch stills your hips with his hands and you let out a whine. “I said,” He brings a hand up and grips your throat tightly, forcing you to look down at him, “Tell me what you want.”

“I want to ride your cock,” You stare down, his brown eyes piercing yours.

A wicked smile spreads across his face rapidly and he pulls you down to kiss him roughly. “Good girl,” He mumbles against your lips as he releases your throat. He reaches down to grip his cock, stroking it before he teases your wet pussy. He slaps your clit a few times before pushing into you.

You let out a completely incomprehensive series of moans and curses as he fills you fully, stretching you out and burying himself completely inside you. As soon as he does, however, he stops and grips your hips, keeping you from moving an inch. 

You attempt to move your hips, ride his cock, or even grind against him but he keeps you firmly in place.

“Beg me,” He whispers lowly.

“Please,” You feel as if you said that word about a million times tonight but it easily rolls off your tongue. Your voice is a pathetic whimper, “Please let me ride your cock, sir.”

He grabs your neck, yanking you down for a kiss before releasing your hips. You raise your hips and lower down onto him, bouncing slowly and letting every last moan out into his mouth. You are so fucking sensitive but it feels amazing as his cock slides in and out effortlessly.

“That’s right,” He groans and pulls away to lean his forehead against yours. He guides your hips but lets you go at your pace. You start to increase the speed and slam your hips down a little rougher as you can tell you’re quickly approaching your third orgasm of the night.

“Fuck I’m so—” You pant, “S-so close.” You struggle with your words, your head feeling fuzzy. You feel his cock twitch inside you and you know that he’s close too. 

“Go ahead. You can cum. You’ve been such a good girl,” He grunts and leans up to kiss you softly. You clench tightly around him and you grip the headrest of the seat behind him, steadying yourself as your whole body shakes with pleasure.

You continue to ride him through your orgasm and you feel Hotch mutter a few curses as his cock throbs inside you before he releases into you.

You collapse against his chest, struggling to hold yourself up. Your arms shake as you try to hold yourself up. Hotch’s arm wraps around you, holding you close to him, “Sh it’s okay. I’ve got you. You were a good girl.” He shushes you gently and presses a soft kiss to your cheek. “I’m sorry I have nothing to clean you up.”

“It’s okay,” You breathe out heavily, “I’ll be okay,” You smile down at him. 

“Come here,” He smiles and places both hands on your cheeks. You bend down to kiss him gently. As your lips move in sync with the others in slow motion, Hotch mumbles against your lips, “I don’t want to ever let you go.”


	9. chapter nine

Your whole body feels stiff and tense as you roll over, wrapping the sheets tighter around yourself. The light from the blinds warms your face as your eyes slowly flutter open.

There's a strong smell making its way into the bedroom. Bacon. Pancakes. Breakfast. But it's not the smell of food that really wakes you up. It's two voices from downstairs. Two voices you recognize.

The small laugh of a little boy. Jack Hotchner, to be exact. That's when your eyes shoot open completely.

"Fuck," You mutter softly and hurriedly rush to put on some clothes. That's when you remember you didn't show up in any clothes. You never meant to fall asleep in Hotch's bed. After your little stint in the rain, Hotch drove you back to his place. You wore some of Hotch's clothes and passed out in his bed.

You look around and notice a pile of your neatly folded and freshly washed clothes from the other night. You let out a sigh of relief and slip on your jeans before rummaging through Hotch's drawers for one of his dress shirts. You do your best to tuck the button down into your pants. You search through his bathroom and finally find a clean comb, trying your best to comb through your matted hair.

As you reach to open the bedroom door you hear Jack laughing again. This time, however, Hotch's laugh joins in with his. Just hearing his laugh puts a small smile on your face. It's not often that Hotch laughs but when he does it's not what you would expect from such a serious man. His laugh is playful and it never fails to make you happy.

You walk down the stairs, glancing into the kitchen. Hotch holds Jack up in his arms, holding him close enough to the stovetop that Jack attempts to flip over the pancakes with a spatula. You laugh a little at the sight: Jack gripping the large spatula in his tiny hands as Hotch struggles to hold him away from the hot pan.

"Good morning," You finally speak up and Hotch turns his head to look at you. He gives a small smile and looks over your outfit, probably taking in the fact that you're wearing his shirt, and quite honestly pulling it off flawlessly.

"Daddy, is this one done?" Jack calls and pokes at one of the pancakes with the spatula.

"Not yet buddy," He puts Jack down, "You remember Y/N? She works with me."

You walk forward and give Jack a small high five, "What's up big guy?" You grin and Jack places his arms behind his back, leaning against Hotch's legs.

"Did you and my dad have a sleepover?" Jack asks, reaching to latch a small fist onto the bottom of Hotch's jeans.

You glance up and grin at Hotch, "Yeah. You had one last night too, at your Aunt Jessica's place right?"

"Yeah I stay there while Daddy fights the bad guys," Jack turns back to Hotch, "Daddy the pancakes!" He jumps slightly and Hotch laughs, picking him up to hold him over the stovetop again.

"Help yourself to some coffee," Hotch nods at the pot of coffee and you move to grab a mug, pouring a cup and leaning against the counter, watching Jack excitedly flipping the food.

"Y/n do you want chocolate chips in your pancakes too?" Jack plunges his hand into a bowl of chocolate chips and pulls out a fistful, tossing them into the pan. You laugh as Hotch struggles to hold him in place as Jack squirms around.

"I would love some, thank you," You watch as Jack plops two extremely misshapen pancakes onto your place with a large toothy grin. You grab it and brush a soft touch over Hotch's shoulder. He puts Jack down and all three of you set up at the table to eat.

Jack spends the entirety of breakfast telling you all about his lego collection and the sets he's completed.

"Jack, buddy, as much as I'm sure Y/n wants to continue to hear all about your building," Hotch chuckles, "You need to wash up." He nods at Jack who smiles at you giving a small wave.

"I want to show you my Legos sometime! Do you like building too?" He slides off his chair.

You nod, "I would love to build a set with you, buddy." You ruffle his hair playfully and he clutches your legs, giving you a small hug.

"You should invite her over to play with us, Dad," He nods at Hotch and you smirk.

"Go get washed up buddy," Hotch pats Jack's back lightly and Jack goes running off to his room upstairs.

You stand up and gather up the dirty dishes, carrying them to the sink and let out a small breath.

"I think Jack had a lot of fun with you," Hotch wraps his arms around you from behind, "You should spend more time with him, I think he'd really like that. I'd really like that..." He bends his head down to kiss your neck and shoulders gently.

"You should've told me he was going to be home today," You mutter under your breath.

"You were just so exhausted last night I didn't want to wake you up to tell you when I left to go pick him up," Hotch pulls his head away from your neck but keeps his arms wrapped around your waist.

"Well, it's kind of unfair for you to just throw this all on me," You drop the dish into the sink harshly and turn in his arms to look up at him.

"What are you talking about? Did I do something wrong?" Hotch's eyes search your face.

"I didn't think I was going to be meeting your kid today."

"You've met Jack before." His brows furrow.

You glance up the stairs, to make sure Jack is out of earshot, "We're sleeping together, Hotch, I didn't plan on spending my morning playing replacement Haley."

As soon as you say it, you know you've taken it too far. Hotch is quick to pull away from you and cross his arms over his chest. "Don't talk about her. You know nothing about her." His voice is steely, devoid of all warmth and emotion it had just seconds ago.

"I don't understand what you want from me," You argue back, not letting up despite realizing you've pushed it too far this time, "You should've told me Jack would be here."

"Why? So you could run away from anything remotely real, like always?"

"I do not run-"

"Dad! I can't get the water on!" Jack's small voice rings out loudly, cutting you off. Hotch turns and shakes his head.

"Be right up bud!" He nods and drops his hands to his sides, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together, "I think you should leave." He turns away from you and leaves the kitchen. You stand there for a second, opening your mouth wanting to ask how exactly he expects you to get home when he's the one who drove you to his place. The nearest bus or metro stop is nearly 2 miles away.

You snatch your bag and phone from the table by the door and slam it shut as you storm across his lawn onto the street. You start walking along the sidewalk and flip your phone over, dialing the first person you can think of.

"Y/n?" Reid's voice comes through the line clearly. You hear him turning pages in the background and smile slightly at the thought of the young genius flipping through a book at high speed.

"Can you pick me up?" You glance around at the street signs and kick at the brick sidewalk beneath your feet.

"Where are you?"

You look around again, "About a block away from Hotch's." You mumble, feeling your face flush with embarrassment. You feel like a teenager running away from home, or a young girl who just got dumped at a school dance. The way your voice lowers as you say it to Reid, ashamed that you've let such a silly relationship affect you so intensely.

"On my way." Reid hangs up and you plop yourself down on the sidewalk. You know you look silly just sitting there, but you don't want to keep walking and you have nowhere else to wait for Reid to show up.

Reid finally pulls up in his small, beat-up car and you rush to open the door to get in. You see him give you a small sideways glance but you don't meet his eye line. He knows to take that as a sign to give you your space. He waits for a beat before driving off.

You pick at your nails in your lap and Reid finally asks the question he's probably been dying to ask. "Are you okay?"

"Yep." You're curt and short with him.

"Did Hotch do something to you? Did something happen?" His hands wring around the wheel slightly.

"Why does it matter? You going to beat him up for me?" You try to tease your friend but your words are biting.

"No, I just... I just want to make sure my friend is okay," His voice is small and you shake your head again.

"Just fine. Absolutely perfect." You're not sure why you're quite so angry. You're not even sure why you snapped at Hotch. He's not wrong though. You do push everyone away. You isolate yourself. Your relationship with Hotch is no different.

You barely wait for the car to come to a complete stop in front of your apartment before getting out of the car. "Thanks, Spence." You slam the door and walk into your building.

"See you tomorrow, I guess," Reid's voice calls out from behind you as you storm inside.

* * *

You stir a small pot of boiling water absentmindedly and replay your fight with Hotch from earlier. You know why you're pulling away. It wasn't like you hadn't been in relationships before but you have never felt like this before Everything with Hotch felt real. And when things get real someone always ends up getting hurt. In your mind, it's easier to avoid the hurt by completely avoiding the relationship altogether.

The phone rings a few times and you reach for it, pressing it to your ear as you pour in the pasta, "Hello?"

"I don't like the way we ended things today," Hotch sighs out. You can hear the sound of a horn, assuming he's in the car driving.

"Yeah," Your voice is a whisper.

"I just dropped Jack off at the movies for his friend's birthday," Hotch pauses, "Can I come over and we can talk about things? I'd like to apologize for my behavior."

"Sure," You state simply before hanging up the phone. You finish cooking your dinner and just as you're making yourself a bowl you hear the doorbell ring. You rush to open it and see Hotch standing, his hands shoved in his pockets. "Come in," You nod and turn back to walk to your kitchen.

Hotch kicks off his shoes and follows close behind you. "I didn't mean to snap at you," Hotch leans against the doorway in your kitchen. You stand at a distance, pushing the pasta around in your bowl with your fork. "It's just..."

"I shouldn't have brought up Haley like that," You shake your head, "It was cruel of me."

"Whatever made you think that I was trying to turn you into someone you're not? I don't want you to be Haley," Hotch bites his lip slightly before walking closer to you, "I want you just the way you are."

"Garcia said that you—" You start to speak but stop and start over, "I'm not mother-material, Hotch. I don't even want to be a mother right now."

"I'm not asking you to do that," He tilts his head to the side as he speaks. "I just don't understand why you always do this. You always self-sabotage."

"Please stop profiling me," You let out frustratedly. Quite honestly, you're exhausted. You're tired of fighting yourself. And Hotch isn't wrong. You do self-sabotage. You ruin everything for yourself, You make yourself the villain in your own story.

"There's a difference between profiling and just getting to know the person I care deeply about—"

You can't stand to hear him talk any longer. Every word terrifies you. It's all too real, too much, too serious. You push him back, pressing your lips to his desperately.

"Wait," Hotch starts and pulls away, "Can't we talk about this?"

"I'm tired of talking," You groan, "I'm sorry, you're sorry, can we kiss and make up already?" You sense Hotch's hesitation as he runs a hand up to grip the back of your head, pulling you in for another kiss, this time softer.

"You are so frustratingly stubborn," He sighs into your mouth, in between slow kisses.

You grip him by the front of his shirt pulling him through your living room and into your bedroom. You push him back onto the bed with some force. He runs a hand through his ungelled hair, messing it up, letting a few strands of hair fall in front of his face. He shifts around leaning back on his arms as you reach to unbutton your jeans and push them down your legs. Your fingers reach for the buttons on Hotch's shirt that you're still wearing.

He reaches forward and pulls you onto his lap, "Did I mention how fucking hot you look in my shirt?"

"No, please tell me," You smirk and kiss him passionately once again. His fingers snake between the two of you, unbuttoning your shirt and pulling it from your shoulders and deftly unclasping your bra, tossing it to the floor.

"You look better without it," He rests his hands on your hips and you grind your pussy against his growing bulge in his jeans. You feel his hard cock rubbing against you just right and the arousal grows quickly, wet warmth spreading between your legs.

"Always so ready for me," Hotch practically growls and kisses under your jaw nipping lightly. "What do you want, baby?"

"I'm going to ride you at my pace," You groan and continue to grind against him roughly, "I'm in charge," You command and Hotch raises a brow with a small smirk.

"Okay baby, whatever you say," He grins and you reach for his shirt, pulling it up over his head.

You grip both sides of his face and pull him close for another passionate kiss. His hands snake in between you to rub your clit through your panties and your moans melt into his mouth. "Fuck I need your cock now." You groan loudly. Everything is rushed and frantic. You fumble for his zipper pushing his jeans and boxers down just enough to free his erection.

You stroke his cock slowly, "You're going to fuck me until I cum," You groan and slide down onto his cock, letting it fill you fully. You feel his cock twitch inside you as you grind your hips in a circle. You grip his chin tightly in your hands, "Did you hear me?"

"Whatever you want," He groans and grips your hips in his hands tightly.

You begin to bounce your hips, riding him hard and fast. It's sloppy and sweaty as he trails a hand up your back, pulling your hair slightly to tilt you head back so he can kiss the skin on your neck.

He kisses down the center of your neck down between your breasts. As you continue to ride him roughly, your pussy clenching around him. You're already close and your hand flies to your clit to rub circles. "Kiss me as I cum around your cock," Your eyes flutter open and you look down at Hotch.

He leans up, removing his hands from your hips where he's left small crescent cuts from his nails, and cups your cheeks. You keep your hands on his shoulders, helping you maintain your bruising pace. As his lips move against yours, you feel the knot building in your stomach, and before you even have a chance to say anything you feel your legs tremble as your pussy clenches and you orgasm around his cock.

As you orgasm, Hotch takes over and thrusts up to meet your hips, extending your orgasm, sending your eyes rolling back into your head.

"Fuck Aaron! Cum inside me," You cry out and you feel his cock pulsating rhythmically inside you before you feel his warm load released inside of you. You pant heavily and rest your head on his shoulder, lacking the energy to move as your legs continue to shake slightly as you come down from your orgasm.

After a beat, you finally manage to remove yourself from his lap and move to the bathroom. You pee quickly, wash your hands, and exit the bathroom to start grabbing your clothes from the floor. Hotch has pulled his jeans and boxers back up but remains planted on the edge of your bed.

"You know I've never been to your place before. You always come to mine," He nods and you barely give him a second glance as you dress.

"Oh... Yeah, I guess I do," You nod simply.

Hotch's hands are intertwined in his lab and he rubs them together absentmindedly, "I guess that makes it easier for you to get out afterward." You can tell he's trying to joke but his words come out in a serious tone.

Your head shoots up to look at him, "Come on, that's not fair."

"I understand," Hotch shrugs, "I understand the fear of commitment. I mean you're young and you don't want to tie yourself down with an older man with a kid and serious emotional baggage from his dead ex-wife."

You feel the small ignition of fire deep inside you. there's nothing you hate more than when Hotch profiles you. And just a few minutes ago you were expressing to him how much it infuriates you when he does, "I'm so fucking tired of you trying to profile me, read me like I'm some unsub we're trying to catch."

"I'm not—"

"You are," You snap, your words dripping with anger and poisonous rage, "I get it. It can be hard to turn off the profiling. But this works because we don't do that to each other. We don't need to try and understand one another on this deep emotional level." You fully dress and bend down to toss him the shirt he was wearing and the shirt you took from him. There's a long silence as you grab your brush from your dresser, brushing through your hair and waiting for Hotch to dress.

"This... this is toxic." Hotch finally speaks up, breaking through the silence.

"What?" You turn to look at him.

"We fight and you come so close to being real with me, to being honest with yourself and then you push it all away. Mask it with sex." He shakes his head, standing up.

You can't even think of what to say, because honestly, he's not wrong, so you just roll your eyes and scoff. You turn back to your mirror, running your fingers through your hair.

"You can't just fuck the feelings away." Now Hotch is the one with venomous words for you, "I mean do you care about me? The way I care about you?"

"I..." You pause and take a deep breath, "I care about what happens to you."

Hotch lets out a small bitter laugh, "That's not the same thing and you know it."

"Hotch I..."

"You're keeping yourself at a distance from me. You pick up and leave as soon as the sex is over. You can't even call me Aaron unless we're fucking. You pull away from me any time things get serious."

"Pulling away? I'm not pulling away. I'm sorry I don't want to curl up in bed and cuddle with you." You roll your eyes.

"Jesus, Y/n you think this is about cuddling?" His hands clench and unclench at his sides and you see him rub his thumb against his fingers, the way he always does when he's anxious or stressed or angry.

"Look, this works well because there are no commitments. No priorities. We don't owe each other anything. I mean for fucks sake I only ever slept with you the first time as a rebound."

Hotch scoffs and shakes his head, "Wow."

"Don't act like that's news to you." You point an accusatory finger at him, "You knew full well what that night was when it happened."

"Yeah, well a lot about us has changed since that night." You feel your heart racing and you can't contain your frustration. However, the way that Hotch remains so calm, so stoic, sends you further into your anger.

"This is supposed to work because we're both satisfied with what this is and we don't expect any more."

You can see Hotch hesitate. He opens his mouth to speak but stops himself.

Your face falls, your heart sinks, "You expect more."

"Of course I expect more. Y/n I'm fall-"

"Don't say it, Hotch," You warn him.

"Say what? That I'm falling in love with you? Because I am." He's progressed to walking closer to you. His body is just a few inches away from you and you so badly want to pull him close and admit your feelings.

"I just can't... I can't," You feel the sickness growing in the pit of your stomach. The anxiety grows and you pull away from him, crossing the room to build the space between the two of you.

Hotch pauses before turning around to look at you, "Can't... or won't?"

"What's the difference?"

"The difference is I think you're consciously fighting your feelings for me and I can't wait around for you to finally decide to let yourself feel something real." Hotch fires off. His voice is steady. He speaks to you like he's delivering a profile to the idiotic cops you work with every day and yet again, that infuriates you.

"Then stop waiting around for me" You shoot back. Your words make Hotch pause.

"Maybe I will."

"Fine."

"God you just always have to have the last word, don't you?"

"What the fuck are you talking-" Your blood is boiling. You clench your fists tightly at your side and just as you feel yourself about to explode with anger, Hotch's phone rings. He reaches into his pocket and pulls the phone up to his ear.

"Hotchner. Mhm. Yes, I understand. We'll be there soon." He pulls the phone away from his ear and hangs up. You know exactly what that face means.

"We have a case, don't we?" You let out a frustrated sigh.

"We'll talk about this later. We're not done here." Hotch scolds you lightly.

You move to grab your go-bag from the closet, giving Hotch a dismissive shake of your head, "No, actually, I think we are."


	10. chapter ten

"I want a media blackout. The unsub is looking for attention and we're not going to give it to him." Hotch crosses his arms before turning back to the board.

"Isn't that just going to make him angry?" You lean back in your chair, finishing off yet another cup of shitty police station coffee. "He's going to kill again, shortening the cooling-off period." You fire off at Hotch.

To be frank, the case is not going well. Three teenage girls, raped and murdered, yet carefully laid out on the side of the road, their clothes in order, arms crossed over their chests. Once you and the team showed up, not a single body dropped since. The team has been struggling with the profile. There's not much connection between the victims, the MO and signature are not unique and with no new information besides these three murders, which you all have seemingly analyzed every possible detail, it's a dead end. Besides the tiresome nature of the case, you and Hotch have been at each other's throats since the beginning of the case.

No one answers your question because you know the answer. At this point, the case can only go one of two ways: you guys leave, because the killer has stopped killing, or, you have to wait for him to kill again and hope that he'll make a mistake. It's the part of your job that you hate more than anything.

"So we're just hoping someone fucking dies?" You let out.

Hotch raises a brow at you, "Language, Y/L/N."

"So you guys are okay with this?" You glance around at the team. Reid practically shrinks under your glare and Morgan's brows furrow deeply at your behavior.

Rossi clears his throat before finally speaking up, "Trust me, kid. I hate it just as much as you, but you know that this is just how it is sometimes."

"I refuse to accept that," You glance at Hotch, "You're practically authorizing a murder."

Hotch's jaw tightens. You see the muscles under the skin shifting. His fingers rub together at his side. You're pushing him. You're testing his limits, but you're just so frustrated with him. You're frustrated with yourself. You can't turn your profiler brain off. Every thought is intrusive, consistently psychoanalyzing yourself.

You can feel every member of the team watching the two of you intently. Even Morgan, who has been seemingly oblivious to the changing dynamics between you and Hotch the past few weeks, is aware that something is wrong.

"I don't have to explain my actions to you," Hotch's voice is ice, devoid of all possible emotion.

"But we have to explain ourselves to you?" Your words carry more weight than just that of the case. Hotch knows exactly what you mean.

"This is not a reciprocal relationship. In here, I am the team leader. I'm your boss. What I say, goes," He takes a few steps towards you. If the team hasn't caught on to you two at this point, Hotch's true meaning is as clear as day. "Do I make myself clear, Agent?"

You scoff and cross your arms, rolling your eyes and looking away from his intense, scrutinizing glare. "You know, I thought this whole job was about stopping these monsters. Little did I know that we had to lower ourselves to their level to do this job."

"That's enough," Hotch's voice raises in volume but you're relentless, you can't help yourself. The words are tumbling out faster than you can control.

"I mean who would've expected that the biggest monster I would encounter in this job would be you of all people," Your eyes finally return to lock with Hotch's, this time, your tone and demeanor are just as icy as his.

"You're going to go back to Cutler house and go through Melissa's room," Hotch's jaw tightens as he stares you down. "Find us something else we can work with."

"What is this? A punishment?" You cross your arms, tilting your chin up to look in his eyes.

"No. This is your job." He turns away from you and walks over to place his palms down on the table, leaning forward to look over the geographical profile Reid has been working on.

You scan the room, taking in your coworkers' confused and tense expressions. You stay locked in place, unwilling to move.

"That was an order, Agent," Hotch doesn't even look up to meet your eye. You turn and practically storm out of the conference room. Your face burns with a flush, from the combination of frustration and anger that Hotch stirs inside you. You snatch up the keys to the SUV and push out into the cool night air. The wind nips at your skin, the cool air serves as a great contrast to your overheated cheeks.

You find yourself sitting on the floor of the teenage victim's bedroom, her various keepsakes and valuables strewn out on the floor, tears welling in your eyes. You scan over everything. You feel sick.

She was a person. She had a life. She loved things, she had dreams. This is all she gets reduced to at this point. A photo album, her cell phone, her laptop, a keepsake box. You don't let yourself cry often but it's all just too overwhelming. This case, the icy interactions with Hotch. You're furious with yourself. You hate yourself. You know you're ruining the best thing you've ever had. It's so clear he loves you.

It's in everything he does. It's in the way he brings you coffee in the mornings, even if it is the shitty BAU coffee machine coffee. He remembers the way you take your coffee. It's in those few seconds after sex, before you push him away, before you go to the bathroom, before you find yourself getting dressed to hide away from him. Before all that, when he pulls you close or pushes your hair out of your face. When he presses a soft kiss to your back or your forehead. It's in the way he's been putting his body in front of yours on every case in which you intercept the unsub.

That terrifies you. The idea that this man would die for you. That sends chills down your spine. You don't want anyone to get hurt. Getting too attached to this man? The only way that kind of love ends is with someone getting hurt or worse. Your heart throbs, feeling like it just might shatter at the thought.

You have to force yourself to remember that no one is dying. No one is going to die. No one is going to get hurt. But you know deep down, he deserves someone better. He deserves someone who would die for him. Someone who would give him their all. You can't even tell him you care about him. That you care for him.

You reach forward for the girl's yearbook. You flip through the autograph pages, looking through every last message and signature. You get to the last page and you see a long message. At the bottom, a teacher signs off on it. The message is overly flirtatious. The compliments flow. You channel your inner Reid and take note of how the pen ink bleeds through the page onto the next page. He was writing with intense pressure, intense passion.

You reach for your phone and dial Garcia, "Hey PG. I need all the information you can find on a specific teacher from the local high school."

"Can do sweet cheeks. Should I patch in Hotch and the team?" You hear her typing in the background. You don't answer right away and her typing comes to a stop. "Y/N?"

"Oh uh yeah I think I'm onto something here," You nod and Garcia pulls Hotch and the rest of the team into the conversation.

"Garcia, another teenage girl was just kidnapped. She didn't come home from a late-night run." Hotch's voice comes through the speaker on your phone. Even through the phone his voice stings and strikes the hurt in your heart.

"Sir, Y/N just dialed in with some ideas about a certain teacher," Garcia chirps and you hear the rapid-fire typing and clicks of her working, "Alright so he has a sealed criminal record which I am just about to unseal and... Oh no," She mumbles.

"Garcia? What is it?" You stand up from the floor and grab the keys to the SUV.

"He was fired from his last job for inappropriate behavior with female students. It didn't come up in my preliminary search of sex offenders in the area because he changed his name on all of his documents and the original charges were in a completely different state." She sighs and quickly types, "He sent the first victim multiple text messages harassing her about extra credit work and afterschool meetings. I'm sending you his home address now."

"It's got to be him. As a teacher he would have grown a relationship with these girls, it explains the care with the bodies." You hear Morgan's voice come through the phone as you nod to the poor victim's mother and rush out to the car.

"But his infatuation grew into an obsession," Reid confirms.

"I'll meet you guys there," You agree but Hotch dashes your plans.

"No, Y/n. You go back to the station in case any other information comes through the tip line," Hotch barks out the order.

You freeze in your tracks. That's a complete waste of your time and efforts. He's punishing you. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I swear, Y/N, you don't want to test me right now. Just do what I say," Hotch abruptly ends the call and you resist the urge to throw your phone into the street. You pound your fist against the steering wheel angrily before starting the car and driving back to the station.

It's not long before the whole team comes pouring in, Morgan dragging the unsub by the arm. You jump up from the table and go rushing over to them, "Reid, that him?" You pull your friend aside.

Reid begins to unstrap his vest and pull it off, "Yeah we found Alissa in his basement. She's okay, she's at the hospital now with her family."

"Thank god she's alive," You let out a sigh of relief.

Reid's eyes run over you, "Are you okay? Are you sure you don't want to talk about what happened between you and-"

You raise a hand to signal for him to stop, "I'm fine." You sigh and Reid raises his brows at you, "Okay I'm not fine. I'm angry and upset and furious with him and I want to scream and cry and throw things. But I don't need to talk about anything."

Reid struggles to stifle his laugh but fails and it makes you smile for the first time in days, "Are you laughing at my pain?"

"No it's just," He takes a second to suck in a small breath between laughs, "That was just a very 'you' thing to say." You give him a quizzical look, "You don't handle your emotions very well. You tend to bottle things up so I'm not surprised that you have no interest in talking about it."

"I just... I can't be around him for another minute otherwise I'm really going to say something I'll regret"

"As if you haven't already,"

"Shut up," You punch his arm and he lets out a small 'ouch' before laughing.

"A bunch of us are heading to the hotel bar, you want to come? We could all use a drink after this case," Prentiss smiles, coming up next to the two of you.

Reid gives a small nod, "She's coming."

"You're going?" You glance at him.

"We all need to have some fun and relax," He nods, "Especially you."

"All of us?" You look over your shoulder back into the conference room and see Hotch talking to the chief of police. He shakes hands with the man and turns his gaze, eyes quickly setting on you. You look away.

"He's not coming," Prentiss speaks up and grabs your arm gently, "Let's drink."

Pretty soon upon arriving at the bar, Prentiss and Morgan are forcing shots down your throat and ordering round after round of drinks. Surprisingly, Prentiss and Morgan are the first to fall. Well Morgan was the first to get a little too drunk. Prentiss offered to make sure he got back to his room alright but from the way they were both swaying when they left, they were equally wasted.

Not long after, JJ is struggling to hold Garcia up as she carts her back towards the elevators. Leaving you leaning heavily on Reid's shoulder. "Uh oh," Reid laughs softly.

"What?" You glance up at him with a small drunken smirk.

"Someone's making eyes at you," Reid nods towards a man sitting at the bar who raises a glass to toast you. He gestures to the bartender, who pours a glass and places it on the bartop. The man glances back at you again, giving a small nod, signaling you should join him.

"I don't know, he's not really my type," You glance at Reid.

Reid, who has had a sum total of one drink and is already a little loopy, nudges you off of him, "What? He's not tall, dark, emotionally closed off, and your unit chief?"

"Fuck off," You sigh, "He just is... I don't know."

"He's too young for you? No 20 year age gap to get you going?" Reid continues his silly drunken series of taunts. It's enough to motivate you up out of your chair and move towards the man sitting at the bar. You introduce yourself and he does the same, patting the barstool next to him. The next thing you know you're two more drinks deep and Reid has disappeared, leaving you alone with the charming young man at your side.

It feels normal and casual. You're flirting with a young man in a bar and he's flirting back. It's what you used to do before him. Before Hotch.

"So you're a real FBI agent?" The man gestures for the bartender to pour him another drink. Ryan? Brian? Is that his name? In all honesty, you're simply too drunk to even care at this point. All you know is he's hot, you have the night off from the case, and you need something to take your mind off your immense anger.

"Yeah," You purr and teasingly trace circles on his t-shirt.

"I love a... powerful woman," He groans and looks down over your whole body.

"But I'm off duty so how about we waste no more time." The world is spinning around you as you and Brian/Ryan stumble towards the elevator. You are frantic. You are needy. You need anyone to take your mind off the hurt you feel.

As the elevator doors close behind you two, you yank the man close to you. Your mouths meld sloppily. You're intoxicated so your hands are flimsy and wander aimlessly over his body. The elevator dings and you don't bother to stop. You stumble down the hallways, dragging the young man by the wrist.

Is he speaking to you? You're not paying attention. You need to get fucked and you need it now.

The whole thing is sloppy and heated. His hands are unbuttoning your jeans, fumbling for the hem of your shirt just seconds after you open the door. You do the same, grabbing at his belt. You need to feel power. You need to feel in control. You can't control your emotions right now. You need to feel like yourself again.

"God you're hot," He groans and pulls his shirt over his head. You push him back onto your bed, reaching to completely strip in front of him. You place a foot on his chest and push him back even further.

"I need you to fuck me now," You growl and move to straddle his waist. You push his jeans and boxers down enough to let his cock free. You don't even hesitate before sinking onto him. You're desperate, needy. You need to feel something. You need pleasure.

You grind against him, riding him at a rough pace, tossing your head back and letting out a string of loud guttural moans. Brian/Ryan reaches for your hips and tries to control the pace but you remain firm in your movements. You reach a hand down rubbing your own clit.

"Fuck you're so hot," he groans out from below you. You hum out a small moan in response and he leans up to nip at your neck. You feel him throb and twitch inside of you. He's not going to last long. Pathetic. You're desperate to orgasm.

"Touch me," You command, "Now." Just as you feel yourself reaching the edge, he grips your hips and lets out a loud groan. He pulls out and releases all on your stomach and you let out a little whine.

He flips you two over and presses a few hurried kisses to your mouth, "I can finger fuck you good, baby."

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. Normally, the hot and heavy, sloppy and sweaty sex would excite you but it feels wrong. Something is off. He thrusts two fingers into you and pumps them slowly, rubbing your clit. You feel the tension building between your hips and you know that you're not going to orgasm. Well, that's until a certain someone pops into your brain. His voice. His hands. His gaze. And that's when you clench tightly around Brian/Ryan's fingers and feel your legs trembling.

"Fuck yes, sir!" You whine out and writhe with pleasure as you rub your clit through your orgasm. The 'sir' isn't intended for him. Your mind has wandered elsewhere. But Brian/Ryan doesn't need to know that.

You collapse back against the bed and Brian/Ryan moves next to you, equally out of breath. "Holy shit."

"Yeah," You reply flatly. There's a long silence. You can feel the man in bed looking over at you, but you don't even open your eyes to meet his gaze. "You should go." You nod.

There's another long pause before you feel his weight lift off the bed. He walks around back to the end of the bed where you carelessly discarded his clothes.

You sit up in the hotel bed, holding the sheets close to your body, waiting for the world to stop swaying as you watch the man get dressed. He zips up his jeans and throws a look over his shoulder at you in the bed, "You sure I can't stay a little longer? Round two?"

You force a small smile and shake your head, "I have to get on an early flight home tomorrow."

He laughs and reaches for the small notepad on the desk in the room. He jots down something quickly, presumably his number, "Well if we ever end up in the same city again, call me for a good time." The sick, disgusted feeling is growing the longer he stays. You snatch up your panties and t-shirt, throwing them on to walk him to the door.

Just as you walk close behind him and you think he is going to reach for the door handle, he turns to face you. His body is pressed against yours, your back pressing against the wall. His eyes run down your body with a hunger in his eyes that makes you shiver. H brings his hand up to your jaw and runs his hand along it gently all the way to your chin before running his thumb over your bottom lip.

You tug your head away a little, giving a small smile and reaching for the door handle, "Goodnight," You nod and open the door. Both you and your date turn to the open door and your heart drops into your stomach.

Hotch stands in the doorway, his hand raised ready to knock on the door but you beat him to it. You can see his whole demeanor changes. He straightens up, his hands go to his sides, knuckles turning white and his jaw clicks harshly.

"Hotch?" You can barely get his name out. Your date from the night attempts to slide past Hotch slowly. Hotch doesn't even give him the space to get out of your room. He has to squeeze awkwardly by and Hotch sizes the man up and watches him leave. Then he turns his steely gaze on you.

Hotch's voice is toneless but his body language is wrought with anger. "Another body just dropped."


	11. chapter eleven

"Another body?" You ask, brows furrowing deeply. "That's not possible, you guys arrested—"

Hotch wastes no time in cutting you off, "Well obviously we didn't get the profile correct. Get dressed." His arms are crossed against his chest and you remember you're still in your panties.

You are about to turn to dress but you hesitate while Hotch stays firmly planted in the doorway of your room. "You need something?"

"Are you drunk?" His eyes narrow and he steps into your room, closing the door behind him.

"Yes, please do come in," You shake your head.

"You got drunk while on the job?" Hotch eyes you as you gather up some clothes.

"I wasn't on the job, you made that clear to all of us," You let out an angry breath and button your blouse, tucking it into a pair of slacks.

"Well everyone else didn't act so irresponsibly, so childish," You feel like you're being chastised by your dad for missing your curfew or sneaking into the liquor cabinet. "I mean for god's sake, Y/n, do you even know this guy's name?"

"Don't raise your voice at me," You pull on a pair of boots and gather up your materials.

Hotch's eyes glance around the room. They land on your clothes tossed carelessly around the room. They jump to the sheets on the bed, wrinkled and bunched up. "How could you be so reckless? So immature?"

"We caught the unsub, he was in custody, we were done. Every other member of the team is hungover or still drunk," You throw your hand in the direction of their rooms.

"Yeah well, strange men didn't come stumbling out of their rooms when I knocked on their doors." Hotch fires back at you.

"Don't we have a case to reopen?" You move past him but he shoots his hand out to catch your wrist and stop you.

He clutches onto you with vice-like strength, keeping you locked in place. Underneath his angry gaze, his words come out in a softer, cracking voice, "Was it worth it?"

You pause and look up into his eyes, hoping something in them will tell you what to say, how to act, "Let me go," You breathe and pull your wrist from him.

You meet the team in the lobby, the rest of your coworkers looking equally hungover and grumpy. Except for Rossi. He looks just fine. He sits with a small cup of coffee and a newspaper in his hands, "Wow you all really don't know how to handle your liquor, huh?"

"God Rossi please just shut up," Prentiss rubs a small circle on her temple.

You try to distance yourself from Hotch as much as possible and scoot up next to Reid.

"So how'd it go with what's his name?" Reid looks over at you, keeping his voice low.

"Hotch showed up," You grit your teeth.

"Wait like in the mid-"

"No, no. But he saw him leave my room," You place your head in your hands. "God this sucks."

"Well, you guys weren't together anymore, right?" You both look up as Hotch shoots a small glare your way. His eyes dart between you and Spence before looking back down at his phone. You give Reid a look that tells him to quiet down.

"Yeah, that was abundantly clear. I mean we never even established we were exclusive in the first place," You scoff and roll your eyes briefly. "He could've been sleeping with other girls for all I know."

Reid smiles and shakes his head, "You know he wasn't."

"You know I really hate you sometimes. Can you just be on my side for once?" You tease and nudge him. Reid's laugh is bright and causes a smile to spread across your face as well. As you and Reid laugh together, Hotch's eyes are on you once again.

"I am on your side," He chuckles, "You can sleep with whoever you want. He has no right to that information now," He pauses, quirking up at brow at you, "Did that sound supportive and friendly? Is that what you want to hear?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"I need to stop encouraging you," Reid smirks as the whole team piles into the two SUVs making their way back to the station.

* * *

"It's looking more and more like a team with every detail we uncover," JJ sighs and pins another picture up of the board, "So who would this guy want to partner with?"

"He doesn't profile like someone who would work with a partner," You rub your eyes, the bright lights intensifying the pounding in your head every minute.

"What do you mean?" Morgan walks over and leans on the back of the chair next to you.

"I mean look at him," You pull out the file on the unsub you arrested earlier in the night. "He feels so inferior, so submissive in his daily life. Why would he want to carry out his fantasies in another subservient position? He would want dominance, right?"

"So maybe the partner is the submissive one. He's acting out. He finally gets to take control." Prentiss fills in the gaps in your logic.

"That's why this kill is a little different. The cuts and slashes are much more hesitant on this most recent body." Reid trails his finger over the photographs from the crime scene.

"So our original unsub was training someone." Hotch has one arm cross across his chest and another hand up by his face, rubbing his fingers together.

"That's what it's looking like." You agree with Hotch but don't meet his eye line.

"So what do we have to go on?" Rossi jots down a few notes on a scrap piece of paper before scanning around the room at all of you.

"He has to be younger. Maybe a former student of his?" JJ starts.

"Ok, so a male student. Probably in his 20s to early 30s," Rossi nods.

"Garcia," Hotch reaches forward and turns on the intercom, patching Garcia into the meeting.

"Here, with my fingers at the ready, sir," You can hear Garcia speaking through a yawn. The whole team has been working through the night, no one got any sleep and they probably called Garcia back into the BAU just when she was settling into bed.

"We're looking for a previous student of our unsub. He would have a history of inappropriate behavior with classmates," Reid interjects, "He would've also had problems with authority. Multiple disciplinary hearings, suspensions, detention, academic probation."

"Narrow it to those with a home address within the comfort zone we established previously," Prentiss reminds Garcia.

"Ok I have a list of three previous students, all men in their 20s to 30s," Garcia chirps.

"You're a goddess," Morgan smirks, "Even at this early hour of the morning."

"I know. I'm sending you the information now," Garcia rapidly types, sending along the information. A series of small dings ring out as the messages come onto your tablets, "Good luck my loves, stay safe."

You project your tablet onto the monitor in the conference room and start scrolling through the three profiles Garcia sent along.

"Eliminate that first one," Reid points out, "Look at his medical history. No way he would have the physical strength to carry out this past murder on his own."

You project the two profiles side by side and you look over the man on the right, your stomach turning over. "Fuck," You mutter under your breath.

Your eyes shoot up to look at Hotch and a fire burns in his eyes. His eyes are unmoving from yours and the hand up by his face clenches tightly into a fist. "Who is the second man?" He asks the question to the team but he's only looking at you.

You glance down at the tablet, shrinking away from his glare, and answers softly, "Ryan Wills." Well, there you go. His name was Ryan.

"Bring him in," Hotch bellows.

"Hotch we don't have much to go on..." Reid tries and you can tell that he also recognizes the man's face as the man he was so supportingly pushing you towards last night.

"Bring him in," Hotch growls out over Reid, cutting him off.

"But Hotch—" You start and Hotch gives you the most intense rage-filled glare that causes you to shrink in your seat.

"You're off this case," He points a menacing finger at you and turns to leave the room, desperate to get a break from you. He can't breathe around you. He knows he's being unfair. He can tell he's hurting you but he can feel you slipping away from him, pulling away. You're slipping out of his reach and he's desperate to minimize the hurt. If he makes you hate him, if he hurts you, it keeps him from feeling the twinges of pain in his chest when you smile and it's not at him.

You don't stand for it any longer. You've gone off on him repeatedly in the past 72 hours but this is too far. It's too unprofessional. You catch up to him as he stands in the back of the police station. He's hunched over, steadying himself on a small table, his breathing is ragged, anger radiating off of him.

"Hotch it's not possibly him," You can practically see steam flowing from his ears as he whirls around to you.

"Because you know him so well?" He barks out at you. You take a step back from him, never in your life have you ever felt scared of Hotch but the unbridled rage he's displaying is terrifying.

"He was with me all night." You shake your head.

Hotch's jaw visibly tightens, "Well, if you weren't so busy worrying about sleeping around, you would remember that Sarah's time of death was 9 pm. When we were all still here. Booking the first unsub."

"Don't you think you're being a little unprofessional?"

"I'm unprofessional?" Hotch scoffs at you and places a hand on his hip. "You're the one who practically fucked the first guy you laid eyes on."

"We thought the case was over, our job was done. How I choose to spend my free time is none of your business," You look around at the attention the two of you are slowly gaining from the officers around you. You place a hand on his arm and push him further back into the station away from everyone.

"It is my business when it interferes with how you do your job." Hotch retorts. You immediately remove your hand from his arm.

"How is it interfering with how I do my job?"

"Because you're defending a murderer!"

"What happened to innocent before proven guilty?"

"He fits our preliminary profile. We need to bring him in." Hotch takes a few steps closer to you.

"You're acting irrationally." His mouth drops open with a small scoff as you say this.

"Don't tell me how to act here. I'm the team leader—"

"Oh god, not this 'team leader' bullshit again. You're just mad I slept with him."

"Why'd you do it? Did you want to get caught? Did you want me to see? You want to hurt me, to get back at me for what? For forcing you to confront your emotions for once in your life?" Hotch tosses his hands in your face.

"No, Aaron," You put emphasis on his name like it's a profanity, "No this abso-fucking-lutely had nothing to do with you."

"So are you just making the rounds now? Who's next? Reid? You and he seem to be cozying up real nicely." You physically wince at that comment. Your eyes burn, tears threatening to flow but you wouldn't dare to let him see you cry. You won't cry over this, "How about Morgan? I heard he's a great time in bed, loves to sleep around," Hotch spits, "Just like you."

You open your mouth, ready to curse him out, tell him to go to hell. How dare he shame you for the way you choose to deal with everything? Just as you're ready to let it all out, you're interrupted.

"Hotch, they just brought him in. He's in interrogation now, how do you want to handle this?" He gestures to the interrogation room where Ryan now sits.

"I'll take care of him," Hotch practically shoves you away from him as he storms off.

Morgan shoots you a confused look and you sigh, "You don't want to even ask," You shake your head. "Let's just go make sure he doesn't do something stupid." You mutter and walk past Morgan.

Hotch is already in the interrogation room, getting up in Ryan's face. "Where were you all night?"

Ryan turns and glances at him and a small smirk spreads on his face, "Are you serious? You know where I was. I'm pretty sure I ran into you when I was leaving your coworker's room."

Hotch reaches for the case file and starts slamming down the crime scene photos. Ryan glances down at them. He winces slightly.

You inch a little closer to the glass, desperately trying to read every microexpression, every aspect of his body language. You couldn't have slept with a serial killer... the mere thought makes you want to entirely empty the contents of your stomach into the nearest trash can.

"You look like you're going to be sick," JJ mutters next to you, placing a soft hand on your shoulder.

Tears are burning at the corners of your eyes again and you harshly bite them back, attempting to play it off. "This can't be happening."

"Tell me where you were last night. Before you met Agent Y/L/N. Before you went to that bar."

"Where is she by the way? Still recovering from our amazing night?" Ryan glances towards the one-way mirror and gives a small smile.

"I asked you a question," Hotch bellows, slamming both hands on the table and leaning forward, his focus unwavering.

"I was at work," He shrugs, "You can check in with work, check the time cards. I clocked out at 10:30, headed straight to that bar."

"You have someone to verify that?"

"I left work and I ordered my first drink as soon as I got to the bar, check the bar tab," He tuts arrogantly, "The time all works out."

You're suspicious. He's too prepared. He remembers all the times a little bit too well. He was too ready for this line of questioning. But you can't convict someone of a crime based on the fact that he's easily giving the right answers and the answers that make him innocent. Your gut tells you that there's something he's hiding.

"You always remember the timeline of your night in this much detail?" Hotch leans back a little, crossing his arms.

"When it's a night of good tail, then yes," Ryan can tell that talking about you makes Hotch angrier. It makes him uncomfortable. He's doing it on purpose, "You know she was a little bit too eager... a little too easy," Ryan laughs, "It's embarrassing for her, really."

In seconds, Hotch has flipped the metal table entirely. He's on Ryan, pinning him against the wall with one arm and the other hand grips at Ryan's jaw with immense strength. He slams his head back against the wall and angles his head up sharply. Hotch is a few inches taller and he is sure to strain Ryan's neck so he is forced to look up at Hotch.

Morgan rushes away from your side and into the room, "Hotch!" He calls and rushes over to pull him away from Ryan.

"What was the ulterior motive? Did you get information from her? Was it a distraction for someone else?" Hotch is fully yelling his questions at this point. Morgan starts to release his grip on Hotch's arm.

Ryan lets out a small groan before laughing, "No she's just one hot piece of ass. So desperate. So needy. Obviously, someone wasn't giving her what she needed."

Hotch jumps to him again but this time Morgan pulls him back. "You watch your mouth," Morgan jabs a finger into Ryan's face.

"You know she was so obedient too," He spits, "Fuck yes, sir!" He mimics your higher-pitched voice and this time, Morgan can't hold Hotch back.

He grips the fabric of Ryan's shirt in his hands and violently slams him up against the wall, lifting him just a few inches off the floor. "I swear to god I will spend every last fucking minute, making sure you fry for these murders."

"What murders? I was busy all night," He smirks.

"Hotch let him go!" Morgan grabs at Hotch's back.

Hotch releases Ryan's shirt, letting him collapse to the ground. He turns to leave the room.

You feel sick and turn to leave as well, unable to watch for a minute longer. You rush to the bathroom and push open the door. You open the stall and heave the entirety of your stomach contents into the toilet. Your throat burns, your eyes sting with tears and you feel your face flushing, burning hot as waves of anxiety rush over you.

You slept with a fucking murderer.

"Y/N?" You hear the door to the bathroom push open and Prentiss's voice echoes off the tiling.

"In here," You choke out slightly before dry heaving again and then finally emptying more of your stomach into the toilet.

Prentiss opens the stall door and steps in, crouching to the ground to rub small circles on your back, "Another girl was just kidnapped."

"What?" You snap your head up to look at her, "How is that possible? He's in custody."

"I guess it wasn't him. He's just... a creep," She tries to laugh to cheer you up. "Morgan, JJ, and Rossi are on their way to the other suspect's house. We're hoping the profile is correct because if it's not him we have nothing left to go off of."

You sit back, leaning against the wall of the stall, the cool metal giving you some relief, "I can't do it... Emily, I just can't."

"I know," She says softly and places a hand on your arm, "Let's get you up off the dirty floor, okay?"

"Okay," You nod and stand up with Emily's help. She walks you to the sink, wetting a paper towel, and gently wiping your face and mouth. You take a moment to wash your hands and she walks with you out of the bathroom.

Just outside the door, Hotch paces his hand up by his face, his fingers moving absentmindedly. He looks up at the two of you. Emily gives him a small shake of her head and you just avoid his line of sight entirely. You pull slightly out of Emily's arms, "I'll go wait in the conference room. You know, since I'm off this case anyway."

Hotch opens his mouth to speak but stops himself and just watches as you walk away. "What in the hell are you two trying to do to one another?" Emily gives him a small side glance before shaking her head and walking away.

* * *

Once again, the team brought in the unsub, recovered the kidnapped girl, and convicted who you all were sure was the partner this time. He confessed to helping the first unsub, working alongside him. You still had the most uneasy feeling throughout the whole thing. It feels like you're missing something. Something bigger than all of this. Ryan? How does he play into this? He was way too smug. Too calm. Too confident. Too prepared. But as Rossi reassures you, you can only focus on this case. And you all solved this case. Case closed.

But that doesn't ease the anxiety brewing inside of you as your mind races over fact, every moment from this case as the elevator rises higher and higher in your hotel. Aside from that, your feelings for Hotch are overwhelming.

You're furious with him. You're feeling guilty. Guilty for sleeping with someone else? No. Guilty that it hurt him? Yes. You haven't even been able to look him in the eyes since what happened in interrogation. You've never been fearful of Hotch but the Hotch that you saw in that room... you have never seen him like that. And you know exactly what pushed him over the edge.

It was the way Ryan was talking about you. The way he disrespected you. You could see it in Hotch's eyes. The jealousy, the anger, the overprotective nature.

"Good night," Hotch replies calmly as the rest of the team steps off of the elevator at their respective floors, leaving the two of you the only ones left while the elevator continues to rise.

You teeter back and forth from your toes to your heels, your eyes trained on the elevator numbers slowly lighting up as you pass those floors. You can sense that Hotch is looking at you. You're itching to say something to him. You want to tell him off for the way he treated you today. You want to scream at him, but when you turn your head to look at him you can't get any words out. Your eyes just lock with his. And then he's on you in seconds.

He drops his briefcase to the ground and pins you back against the wall. His mouth is hungry, his lips on yours, tongue invading your mouth. He runs his hands up your sides and pins your hands above your head.

"I can't breathe around you," He groans against your lips. "I can't think straight."

The elevator dings and you two pull apart, but Hotch grabs your hand and drags you to your room. You fumble for the key car and open the door, the two of you barreling backward as his mouth is on yours.

The two of you stumble into the room, shedding clothes as you go. You pause momentarily, thinking of how the whole situation is reminding you a little too much of the events of the last night. Hotch takes a moment and glances around the room and you can tell the same thoughts enter his mind, as his eyes run over the wrinkled sheets on the bed, darkening intensely.

"Get on the bed," He growls and reaches a hand up to loosen his tie, tossing it off to the side.

You do as you're told, shedding your clothes and sitting down on the edge of the bed. Hotch makes his way towards you slowly, hands working to unbutton all the way down his dress shirt. Without warning he reaches down, wrenching your hair back so you have to look up at him. You let out a small cry of arousal. Hotch smirks down at you wickedly. "That man had his hands all over your body."

You let out a soft moan as Hotch's hand releases your hair and runs down to cup your cheek. He rubs his thumb over your lower lip, "I don't want anyone touching you but me."

You roll your eyes slightly, preparing a snarky, bratty comment but he pushes his thumb into your mouth to shut you up. You glance up at him through your lashes and suck his thumb gently. He smirks wider, "Such a fucking needy whore." He groans and pulls his thumb out of your mouth. "Up on the bed." He commands.

You scoot back and watch as Hotch reaches for his belt and undoes his pants, letting them drop to the floor. His erection is already straining against the fabric of his boxers as he moves towards you. In seconds, he's on top of you, the warmth of his body radiating down to yours.

His eyes run down your body and he takes the flimsy strap of your bra between his fingertips, sliding it off your shoulder, and then reaches around the unclasp it, taking the whole thing off. He plants a series of kisses and small nips from your neck to your chest before taking your breast into his mouth.

He swirls his tongue around your nipple before massaging the other breast, pinching the nipple between his fingers. You let out a small cry of pleasure and arch your back into his touch.

You trail your hands down reaching to stroke him through his boxers and he grips your wrists tightly, forcing your arms up over your head, "Did I say you could do that?" He growls, his voice deep and throaty. You feel the vibrations of his voice against your chest.

"I have to ask permission?" You groan out as he keeps your hands pinned with one hand.

"Yes," He replies as you try to squirm out of his grip but he simply tightens his grip on your wrists.

You arch up against his body and Hotch smirks before bending down to your ear, "You seem to have an extremely hard time following my instructions. I'm going to teach you how." He growls a bit before he flips you onto your stomach, eliciting a small gasp from you.

He pulls a hand back, doling out two harsh smacks to your ass. You jump at the contact and cry out, arousal soaking your tone. You feel the burn spreading across both cheeks.

"Sluttly little brats get punished," He says lowly into your ear before teasing your entrance with his fingers before thrusting two inside of you. You moan loudly and grind your hips in rhythm with his fingers. You push back onto his hand, wanting more.

He delivers another hard smack to your ass, "Did I say you could do that?" He smacks you again even harder this time. You cry out, this time from both pain and arousal, and you let out a whine.

"Please sir," You pant, hot and needy for his cock.

Hotch pushes down his boxers and strokes himself before yanking you up to your hands and knees. He places a steadying hand on your hip and pulls your ass back, pressing his hard cock against your entrance, "Please, what? What do you want? Use your words." He bends down, snarling close to your ear.

"I want your cock, sir," You pant and try to grind your hips, needing friction. Hotch slowly thrusts into you and pauses for a second, letting you adjust to his size. Your mouth parts and you let out a soft, breathy moan as he pushes all of him inside of you.

"That's it," He groans, "You can take all of me." You let out an absolutely sinful moan and Hotch begins to thrust inside of you, picking up speed as he does. You cry out loudly as he reaches around to rub your clit, his cock burying deeper inside you with each thrust.

"You think anyone else can fuck you like me?" He growls, taking a fist full of hair and yanking your head back. "Are you enjoying this my pretty little slut? You sound like you are," He releases your hair with force.

"Yes. Holy fuck yes, sir," You cry out and Hotch's hand now goes to your throat, yanking your head back again. You feel yourself clenching around him and your legs start trembling as Hotch pulls your whole body flush against his, rubbing agonizing circles on your clit.

"You want to cum like a little whore?" He groans loudly and you don't respond. The pleasure is overwhelming and you can barely think straight. Hotch lightly slaps your clit and you jump in response.

"Please, sir! Let me cum!" You cry loudly and just as the words leave your deliciously plump parted lips, your body shaking violently as you orgasm. Hotch continues to thrust through your orgasm until you feel his cock throbbing inside of you and his warm release fills you up.

You both take a moment to lie back on either side of the bed. Your breathing is ragged and shallow and you feel overheated. There's a long moment of still silence before either of you move.

"The way you've treated me today... it's not fair, Aaron." You say in a quiet voice, pulling your knees in close to your chest.

You can see him glance over at you in your peripheral.

"Fair?" He looks at you, "Fair is waiting maybe more than 24 hours before fucking someone else just a few hotel rooms away from me."

There's a long pause. Your eyes are burning with tears and this time you don't try to fight it. "I know I'm far from perfect and I've said some hurtful things but—" You pause again. "I think you should go."

"Y/N, come on, I—"

"I really want you to leave, Aaron," His name spills from your lips like poison. You wrap your arms tightly around yourself, pulling the sheets close to your body. You're growing acutely aware of your nakedness and the way he's speaking to you... you feel exposed in front of him.

Hotch hesitates before getting up and rapidly dressing. He is ready to walk to the door but turns to glance back at you. You don't look up at him. You just keep your knees tucked up close to your chest and fight the tears from falling. You won't let him see you cry.

He releases a long, drawn-out sigh before turning and leaving the room. As soon as the door slams, the first tear falls from your eye. After that, you can't make them stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick reminder that Y/N didn't actually cheat on Hotch last chapter. They were broken up so Hotch is really being an asshole this chapter oop-
> 
> thank you for your support i love you all <3


	12. chapter twelve

A gentle hand on your knee wakes you up from your sleep. "Y/N." Reid shakes you. You jolt a little and tiredly look up at him, "We just landed." He gives you a soft smile.

You gather up your bag and your case files before standing up and making your way off the jet with everyone else. You put as much distance as possible between you and Hotch. You've managed to avoid his gaze since last night. You're torturing him, you can see that. It's not your intention, truly, but it seems as if every interaction between the two of you ends in pain.

It always ends in yelling or fighting. You know what you have to do. You have to release one another from this pain. At the thought, you feel sick to your stomach. You don't want to let him go. But all the hurt you've caused him? How can you go on like this? How can you pretend like you haven't hurt him?

You walk into the BAU feeling numb. Your body feels like it's on autopilot as you walk to put your bags away at your desk. You hear the team talking behind you but the conversation feels distant.

"Ok we all need a drink," Prentiss plops down into her desk chair, swiveling around slowly.

"As long as Rossi is buying I'm there," Morgan points and slides his go-bag under his desk.

"Y/N, you in?" Reid turns to look at you.

"Hm?" You snap your head around, looking away from Hotch's office as you watch him walk up the stairs.

"You want to go grab drinks with us?" Reid wraps his hands around the strap of his bag.

You take one more glance up at Hotch's office, looking at him through the window as he sits at his desk, placing his head in both hands. "I uh... I think I'm going to just head home for the night." You give the whole team a forced smile. You can tell from the way JJ's eyes narrow at you that they can tell you're lying but no one is going to bother to push you. They were able to clearly sense the tension between the two of you on the plane.

You lean back against your desk and give a small nod as the team moves to file out, "You'll be sorely missed, kid." Morgan rubs your shoulder lightly as they leave the office.

You wait a moment, taking a slow breath in. Is it normal for your heart to hurt this much? Every minute you think about what you have to do, your heart pangs with guilt. Releasing him from pain is what you need to do. When you love someone, let them go... right? You're too difficult for him. Too damaged. Too snippy, too snarky, too unloveable.

Once again, your body feels as if it is moving on its own as you walk up the stairs and knock on the door lightly.

"Come in," Hotch clears his throat slightly.

You open the door and step in. "Hotch listen—"

"If you're here to yell at me or fight with me," Hotch starts frustratedly.

"I'm not," You sigh, "We need to talk."

"I already have a mountain of paperwork to get done before tomorrow so maybe we can table this to tomorrow," Hotch looks away from you and back down to the paperwork.

"Aaron," You argue, your voice steely and icy. You need his attention, you need him to listen to you.

That catches his attention. He puts his pen down. "Yes?"

"Don't get angry with me," You cross your arms, "I'm trying to talk to you, isn't that what you're always asking me to do, to talk with you?"

"You made it clear the other night that you didn't want anything to do with me," Hotch scoffs lightly.

You bite the inside of your cheek harshly, "I'm trying here, Aaron."

"I can't do the hot and cold anymore, Y/N," He remains seated at his desk.

"You are such a hypocrite," You sigh frustratedly, "You get mad at me for hiding things with sex but then you turn around and do the right thing."

"I wasn't hiding anything—"

"Hotch, you were jealous. You wanted to be possessive," You let out a bitter laugh, "You wanted to claim me." You pause and clarify, "Look, I understand that a little jealousy is normal. You were angry. I get it. But what you did to me? That was unfair. That sex was..." You don't even know what to say.

Hotch pulls a hand up to his face, rubbing his fingers over his lips lightly.

You pause for a second and sigh, "I'm not mad about the sex, Aaron."

"Then why are you still so frustrated with me?" He lets out, throwing his hands out in frustration.

"Are you really so incapable of seeing how the way you've treated me at work is unfair?"

"I've treated you unfairly? You've disrespected me at every fucking turn of this case. Not to mention in front of the team." He finally stands up from his desk, placing his palms firmly on the surface.

"Oh please," You shake your head, "Morgan has disagreed with you and mouthed off to you a million times. You reprimand him but never not once have you have made it seem as if he's incapable of doing his job."

"With Morgan that's... it's different." He glances away from you temporarily.

"Really? How is it different? Please explain to me how it's different."

"I'm not in love with Morgan!" Hotch raises his voice and gestures out his office windows towards the bullpen. You let out a small breath and take a moment. You don't even know what to say. You open your mouth to say something but your mind goes blank.

Hotch walks around his desk to take a few steps towards you, "Please don't push me away. I know you feel something for me too," His voice softens. He reaches a hesitant hand out to cup your cheek.

"I don't know how to do this," You whisper, leaning into his touch. "I don't know how to go on like this with you. We can't even do our jobs properly anymore."

"We can work through it." His thumb brushes over your bottom lip. You want to pull away from his touch. Your eyes sting with tears. You can't think of the last time you let Hotch see you cry.

"Can we? You really can look me in the eyes and just pretend all the hurtful things I've said don't matter?" You look up at him, through bleary, tear-filled eyes and you see his face fall slightly

"What I said yesterday about you sleeping around and... I didn't mean it. You know that. I know you didn't mean the things you said."

"Can you ever really forget what I've said?" You feel him pull his hand away from your cheek. "Because I know I sure as hell have been playing your words on repeat in my head."

This time, it's Hotch who doesn't know what to say.

"I want this to work, Aaron, I do," You say softly, "I really do care for you."

"But you don't love me," He pulls his hand away, his voice taking on a bitter tone that cuts through you.

You open your mouth to speak and you want to say it. Those three words are on the tip of your tongue. Something else comes out instead.

"I'll clean out my desk in the morning," You speak up, breaking the silence.

"So you're just giving up on us?" He chuckles sadly. "We'll talk about this in the morning." He turns away from you.

"No Hotch, we're talking about this now," You grab his wrist and pull his attention back to you.

"You're giving up your job? That's ridiculous," He argues.

"Hotch please, trust me on this," Your hands go to cradle your face tiredly.

"I'm just supposed to let you walk away from me and your career?" He rips his hand from your grip.

"We're obviously not able to do our jobs while we're around one another," You protest, "Maybe if I take a step back from this job we can sort all this out."

"I'm not letting you quit," He points his finger out at the bullpen, "And the team— the team can't function without you."

"The team was just fine without me before," You try to convince him, "Can't you see that all we've done to one another in this job is hurt each other?" You sigh and bend down to pick up your bag, "I'll be here tomorrow morning with my resignation and you can't change my mind."

"Y/N," Hotch tries again but you simply turn and leave the office.

You reach up and wipe your eyes harshly. Are you being rash? Absolutely. But you know that the longer you stand there with Hotch, the more you're going to hurt him. You can't even tell him you love him... do you love him?

You're not quite sure you've ever been in love before. He makes you happy. He gives you that giddy feeling deep inside your stomach. Every little look, every stolen glance. It all makes your heart flutter. But he makes you laugh. You make him laugh. And not just those little chuckles when Reid is rambling or Morgan and Garcia embarrass each other over the phone. You make him really laugh. And his laugh always makes you laugh.

The first time you heard him truly laugh you couldn't contain yourself. For such a dark, deeply serious man, his higher-pitched, full of life laugh had you reeling. His sense of humor makes you really laugh too. He's not the stone-cold team leader everyone thinks of when they think of Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner. He's sarcastic and witty. He teases you relentlessly.

And the way he knows just how to make you feel cared for. He makes you feel seen. But is it him or is it the attraction to him? I mean it's not a question that you're attracted to him. The physical chemistry is there. But is it love?

In lust with Aaron Hotchner? Yes. But lust and longing are a lot different than love.

You rifle through your bag for your car keys. Once you finally get them out, you clumsily drop them onto the pavement, "Shit." You bend down and pick it up. You stand up straight.

A gloved hand clamps over your mouth and you're yanked back flush against a tall body behind you. You fumble for the holster at your hip but a sharp pinch in your neck has your vision blurring more and more by the second. You raise an elbow and attempt to throw it back into the gut of the person behind you, but just as you raise your arm, it goes weak and flops to your side. Your phone clatters to the ground. As you fade in and out of consciousness you feel your body tossed into the trunk of your own car and the car speeds out of the parking garage at top speed.

——

Hotch walks a few steps out of his office looking out over the bullpen. He looks down at his watch at the time. He leans against the railing slightly.

"Something wrong?" Rossi walks out of his office and leans on the railing next to Hotch.

"Y/N," He trails off.

"She's not here," Rossi notes, "Something happen last night?"

"She told me she was resigning," Hotch lets out and turns to see Rossi's shocked face.

"Jesus Aaron, what'd you do to her?" He teases playfully and Hotch shakes his head.

"Told her I loved her," He sighs out frustratedly, "But she said she would be here in the morning to clean out her things."

Rossi glances down at the desks. Hotch shakes his head, "She said she would be here."

"Maybe she overslept." Rossi tries.

"This late?" Hotch turns to him, "Something's not right. I can tell." Hotch pushes himself off the railing and walks down to the rest of the team in the middle of the bullpen. "Have any of you heard from Y/N?"

"No," Prentiss shakes her head, "I would expect you to be the person to have heard from her."

"She was supposed to come in and clear out her desk," Hotch looks over at Reid.

Reid's face falls, "Clear out her desk?"

"What's going on?" Morgan glances at Rossi as he comes down to join the team.

Hotch digs his hand into his pocket for his phone, dialing your number. After a few minutes it goes to voicemail, "She's not answering her phone."

"Wait, do we even have any real reason to believe something has happened to her?" JJ tries to calm a very quickly panicking Hotch down.

"Someone get Garcia to run a trace on her phone. Now." Hotch orders and Morgan only nods before bending down for the phone, dialing Garcia's number.

"She didn't call you last night?" Hotch looks at Reid.

"Me?" He swallows thickly and digs for his phone.

"You don't remember?"

"I had a few drinks and I don't normally drink," Reid's hands tremble as he looks through the phone, "No. Why would she call me?"

"You're her best friend... if something was wrong—" Hotch glances around at everyone.

"Hotch, I think we all know that if something was wrong, she would call you." Prentiss raises a brow at him.

"But I—"

"No matter what, she would call you," JJ chimes in again.

"You're her best friend, Hotch," Reid nods.

"I know something is wrong. She-" Hotch's hand is rubbing at his side and it's the first time he really takes note of it. You always tease him about it. "She wouldn't do this to me."

"Hotch," Garcia comes rushing towards him, "Her phone. It's here in the garage."

Hotch takes off at high speed, foregoing the elevator to rush down to the parking level. The team attempts to keep up with him. He digs into his pocket for his phone and dials your number and hears your phone ringing. He bends down and picks up the phone, looking over the shattered screen. He holds it up to the team who finally catches up with him, "Still think nothing's wrong?"


	13. Chapter 13

**TW: graphic depictions of violence**

The air is sticky and you bite back the metallic taste in your mouth. Your head lolls backward on the chair and you struggle to lift it up.

"Let me get a better look at her," A distant voice calls and you struggle to get your eyes open. As soon as they're open you attempt to quickly survey your whole body for injury. Surprisingly, for being tossed into your car and driven away, you have nearly no major injuries.

The air smells damp. It's musty. You look around for any windows or doors. You're in some sort of bunker. Probably underground. The pipes running across the ceiling tell you it's probably a bigger industrial building of some variety. There's a set of stairs in the corner leading up to a heavy iron door.

Both your wrists and ankles are bound to a chair. There's no gag in your mouth. They obviously have located themselves somewhere they don't believe you will be heard. Your heart races but you attempt to take a few deep breaths. Your stomach aches with hunger. You have no idea how long you've been out. You can't possibly even begin to guess how far you could be from Quantico at this point. Is it morning? If they drove through the night you could be hundreds of miles away.

You see the heavy metal door open and crane your neck hoping to see what the outside looks like. You catch a glimpse into a stairwell. That confirms the big industrial building theory.

You look at the two men and one of them looks familiar. Scarily familiar. You rack your brain. The taller one leans forward, gripping your face tightly in his rough hands. He jerks your head from side to side, surveying it, "No bruising, no cuts. Good work." He slowly looks over the rest of your body in a way that makes your skin crawl.

"Ryan said every inch of her was perfect," The other man leans against the wall across from you. That's when you feel it. You feel sick to your stomach. You recognize him. He was in the bar that night. That night you got a little too drunk and took Ryan back to your room.

"Ryan?" You scrunch up your brows, finally speaking for the first time. It's been hours since you've spoken and your morning voice is thick and gravelly.

"Oh she speaks," One of the men grins, "You remember our friend Ryan." He nods and leans forward, his face up close to yours. You pull your face back a little bit away from his. He places both hands on the chair on either side of you.

"Do you really think you'll get away with this? Abducting and killing an FBI agent?" You spit in his face and he reaches forward, gripping your face tightly with one hand. He tilts your face up so you can look him in the eyes.

"Kill you?" He chuckles softly and runs his thumb across your lips, "Do you realize how high of a price a federal agent fetches?"

You roll your eyes and lean forward, biting down on his thumb as hard as possible. The man lets out a loud yelp, the taste of blood quickly filling your mouth. A hard slap is delivered across your face and you can feel his bloody thumb leaving stains on your face. In an instant, the cold muzzle of his gun is tucked up under your chin, tilting your face back up to look at him.

The other man who has since been pretty quiet stands up from his position leaned against the wall, "Still think we don't need to gag her?"

"We'll make the transfer tomorrow," He nods. You lift the chair off the ground, swinging it around to hit one of the men but he catches the leg of the chair and flips you to the ground. The left side of your body collides with the hard concrete floor. The hit rattles your whole body but you keep from letting out an audible signal of pain. You practically draw blood from your tongue as you bite down on it so hard to keep from screaming.

"Be careful with her," One of the voices calls and you hear the footsteps receding and the metal door shuts. The other crouches down next to you. You can feel him looming just a few inches away. You can feel his breath on your face but you keep your eyes shut. You keep your mind elsewhere as the needle is pressed into your neck and you drift off again.

You're not here... You're somewhere safe. You're in Hotch's apartment...

_"You know now that I think about it, I totally could have just called an Uber." Your laugh rings out through his quiet house._

_"God, am I glad you didn't." He groans, pulling you close for another desperate kiss._

_You moan against his soft lips. God his lips are soft. In a swift motion, Hotch is pulling you back to straddle his lap and you rest your arms on his shoulders. Your mouth moves in sync with his. His large, calloused hands run up to cup your cheeks gently and that's when he starts to pull away from you, "Something wrong?" You pant slightly and look over his face._

_You watch as a small smirk spreads across his face. He pushes the hair out of your face with both of his hands. "What?" You laugh softly and your face burns slightly with embarrassment. Why is he looking at you like that?_

_"I'm just shocked is all," He rests his hands lazily on your hips._

_You sit back a little and relax into his lap, "Why are you shocked?"_

_"Shocked that you're here. Shocked that we're doing this," He shrugs with a grin._

_"Again, why are you shocked?" You run your right hand up to his hair. His hair flops in his face messily. It's air-dried but it's fluffy and poofy. You attempt to push into place the flyaway hairs._

_"I just never thought you would ever..." He trails and glances down at your body, "Be attracted to me."_

_You try to stifle your laughs and he flushes wildly, "I'm sorry! Sorry," You shake your head, "It's just here I am, straddling your lap, naked and you still question whether or not I'm attracted to you."_

_"I can't help it," He leans in to kiss your neck lightly. You throw your head back to expose more of your skin, "You're so," He mumbles in between soft nips and kisses, "Young and beautiful."_

_"And you're what? Old?" You tease. You don't even need to see him to know that he's rolling his eyes._

_"I'm a lot older than you. I'm your boss. I'm a widow," He chuckles softly and kisses between every few words._

_"Wow, you were a lot better at dirty talk before." You tease and pull his head back up so you can kiss his lips passionately._

_"I'm serious," He moans as you grind your hips against his._

_"Stop being so serious for once in your life, Aaron," You moan into his mouth._

_"Have I mentioned how much I love hearing my name coming out of that pretty little mouth of yours?" He grins wickedly before swiftly flipping the two of you over._

"Her car, it's hooked up to some form of internet for the GPS system, right?" Hotch leans against the back of a chair in the round table room and looks to Garcia.

"Sir I—" Garcia shakes her head, "If it's local I could trace it but it's been nearly 12 hours since she left last night... she could be anywhere."

There's a long moment of silence. No one knows what to say. They have no leads. No way of finding you. No ideas. You're just gone. Missing.

"Ok Reid can you help Garcia generate a border of where she could've been taken in this time," Rossi turns to Reid and Garcia, taking over for Hotch in the silence.

Reid looks up at Rossi. His eyes are swollen and red. He reaches a hand up to rub his eyes roughly, "What? Yeah, I can do that."

"Hotch... You know her. Had she mentioned anything new in her life? Anyone new? Anyone suspicious?" JJ sighs out and looks over Hotch who tenses his hands on the back of the chair.

"No, she didn't..." Hotch's frustration is growing by the second. He should know, right? If you both hadn't been so focused on fighting with each other. So focused on tearing each other down... If he hadn't been so harsh with you, maybe you would've felt comfortable enough to open up to him about something going on.

"Come on, think." Rossi tries, "Anyone new entering her life?"

"I don't know!" Hotch pushes the chair and it clatters against the roundtable with a loud clang.

The team goes silent once again. They exchange looks with one another before Hotch finally speaks up, "Just find... something, anything, please." He turns to storm out of the room, back to his office, and slams the door shut. He leans his back against the door with a shaky breath.

_Your footsteps make small squelching sounds as you step across the hardwood floors in Hotch's house._

_"You're getting water everywhere!" Hotch groans as he kicks off his shoes at the door and pulls off his jacket and tie, throwing them over his forearm._

_"It was your idea to go stargazing on a rainy night," You roll your eyes and pick up the pace, rushing towards his laundry room._

_"I think you're the one who decided to dance around in the rain like a child." Hotch laughs and follows close behind you._

_"Calm down, dad," You tease him and open the door of his washer._

_"Don't call me dad," Hotch groans and shakes his head. You start to undress in his laundry room quickly peeling off your wet dress pants and dress shirt. "What are you doing?"_

_You glance up at him and furrow your brows, "Taking off my wet clothes? I need to wash them." You shrug and go back to unbuttoning your shirt. You toss both into the washers and you turn to Hotch, holding out your hands._

_Hotch lets out a small breath and hands over his tie and starts to unbutton his shirt. "You're torturing me right now."_

_"God Aaron, you can't control yourself for more than a few minutes?" You tease and take his shirt and pants and place them in the washer. You are about to start it when you reach for your underwear and bra, slipping them off and tossing them in, which inevitably elicits a groan out of Hotch._

_"So you're just going to wander around my house naked?" He shakes his head._

_You let out a soft chuckle and bend down to toss in the detergent and shut the door. As soon as you stand up you feel Hotch pressing up close behind you and you groan softly. "You're so irresistible," He growls next to your ear._

_You smile and turn in his arms, looking up into his eyes, "Oh am I?" You give him a smug smile._

_"You drive me crazy," He mumbles before lifting you up onto the washer and moving in between your legs. The washer vibrates and rattles with your laundry and the vibrations radiate through your entire body._

_You kiss him with need and his kisses are equally rushed. From the way that his hands are wandering your body you can tell that neither of you can wait very long. You need him. And you need him now._

_"Aaron," You whine as he yanks you to the edge of the washer and parts your knees widely. He bends down, kneeling on the ground before burying his head between your thighs, giving you a long stroke with his tongue. You immediately throw your head back, leaning back on your arms, holding your body up._

_Aaron pulls away for a second to grin up at you, "You're teasing me but you're already dripping wet and I've barely touched you."_

_"Shut up," You groan and run your fingers through his hair as he goes back to devouring you. His tongue flicks over your clit and sucks on it lightly sending your eyes rolling back into your head. You feel your legs trembling with pleasure and tighten their hold around Aaron's head. He moans softly and thrusts two fingers into you, curling them just right. You fumble around to grip onto something but just knot your fingers deeper into his hair._

_"Fuck Aaron I'm so close," Just as the words leave your mouth, Aaron has pulled away and he grips your hips tightly, barely giving you warning before thrusting into you deeply. You're still sore from your round in the car but Hotch is relentless. He grips your hips with bruising strength as he ruts into you, bottoming out repeatedly._

_He lets out a series of incoherent groans and curses before picking up the pace slightly. You can feel his cock throbbing inside of you. You grip his shoulders tightly and you dig your nails into the skin roughly. "Fuck baby you're such a good girl," He lets out as his thrusts pick up in speed and intensity. He runs his hand down, thumb circling your clit._

_Your eyes roll back into your head and you moan loudly, "Fuck Aaron please I'm gonna cum."_

_"Cum for me baby," He buries his head back into your neck, nipping at the skin lightly. Before you know it the tension in your hips builds and you feel your orgasm rock your whole body. You let out a few curses and wrap your legs tighter around Hotch's waist. You hold his body close to yours, your sweaty skin sticking to his._

_You let out a small laugh, "You are uncontrollable. You're like a horny teenager."_

_"Only with you baby."_

The whole left side of your body aches in pain as your eyes slowly open. You haven't been moved. It's good that you're awake now. When they try to move you, that's your opening, your chance to get away, get help. You're still tied to the chair but they left you on the floor.

You groan loudly in pain attempting to flip over the chair and get back to a sitting position. Your muscles scream at you to stop jerking around, but you know you can't just lie on the floor. You get to your knees, the chair awkwardly weighing heavily on your back. Just as you think you're starting to get back to a normal seated chair, getting the chair firmly planted on the floor, a harsh blow to the back of the chair sends you rocketing forward and you smash your face on the hard concrete.

Your nose makes a sickly cracking noise and you feel a small trail of blood start oozing from one of your nostrils. Your head pounds with immense, intensely debilitating pain and you hear the heavy door swing and slam shut, one of the loud voices cuts through the silence loudly.

"I thought I told you," You hear his footsteps pick up the pace and you wince in preparation for a blow but instead you hear a commotion behind you. You roll onto your side once again and catch a glimpse of one of the men pinning the other to the wall, "We need her to look good. We're not going to get a price if you fucking break her face."

You feel a tear roll down your cheek. You're not crying because you're scared, though you desperately want to, your eyes have welled up with tears as you deal with the shocks of pain throughout your body. Every small movement feels impossible and now your face is throbbing.

"We have a buyer. We need pictures and to make the transfer now," The man, seemingly the alpha in the little operation, bellows out at the man who kicked you. Both men storm over and flip your chair back to normal. One of them pulls out a small switchblade and begins to cut your wrists and ankles free. You want to kick. You want to scream. You want to fight them off. If you weren't so weak and filtering copious amounts of drugs out of your system you would be able to take them both.

The men grip you by the arms. Your legs go weak. They have to practically drag you out. The prop you up in a chair. One of them attempts to clean up your bloodied and broken face. The other moves to stand behind a camera. You feel your strength coming back slowly, you're just waiting for your opening at this point. Seconds after the camera flashes, a needle sinks into your neck, sending your world into darkness once more.

_You roll your head around, your neck cracking slightly as you do and you pull your legs onto the small couch in Hotch's office, tucking them underneath yourself. You flip to the next page of your book, your eyes scanning the page rapidly. You're about halfway through the next page when you feel Hotch's eyes flick up to look at you. "Something to say, Sir?" You tease him with a small smirk but don't glance up to meet his eyes._

_Hotch clears his throat. There's a pause, "You know you don't have to wait here with me while I finish all this work."_

_You shrug and flip to the next page in your book, "I have my book. I'm a patient woman and I can keep myself entertained." You smirk a little hoping that Hotch catches on to your subtle double entendre._

_He lets out a laugh and puts down his pen. You finally look up to meet his eyes and you see that bright, amazingly handsome, smile spreading across his lips as he looks at you. "What?" You chuckle._

_"You amaze me," He utters softly and your face flushes a bright red. You bury your face back into the book, "The Maltese Falcon," He nods at the small paperback in your hands._

_Your eyes shoot back up to his face, "You know it?"_

_"Do I know Dashiell Hammett," He rolls his eyes, "It's a classic, how could I not?"_

_"Oh my god, it's one of my favorite books of all time. You know on the surface it seems so simplistic, just like any other American hard-boiled detective fiction. Sex, murder, drugs, money, the whole thing, but it's so much more than that. I mean that last scene..." You start to ramble. The team always teases Reid for his inability to keep things concise but once you get going about something you love there's no stopping you. You know you're rambling and Hotch knows it too but he simply smiles and looks over your animated gestures: the way you talk with your hands, the way you sit up a little straighter when you talk about something you're confident in. "...And it's so obvious that Spade truly had or has feelings for Brigid but who is he really convincing in those last few paragraphs, her? Or himself?"_

_There's a beat of silence and you feel your face growing flush once again, "You need to learn to stop me from rambling."_

_"How can I when you look so damn adorable doing it?"_

Hotch opens and closes yet another case file from one of the hundreds of cases the team had worked on in the past few months. He lets out a long breath, holding his head in his hands. He glances over to the side watching as Reid speedily skims each file and places it on the growing stack of finished files between the two of them. However, the two of them have yet to put a dent in the total number of files they need to go through.

"There's nothing here," Hotch leans back slightly, placing one hand on the side of his face.

"Are you sure? We still have so many—" Reid momentarily stops his methodical scanning to glance at Hotch.

"I know we have so many." Just as Hotch reaches for another file, Garcia, Emily, and Morgan step back into the conference room.

"Nothing at her apartment that shows any sign of her even getting home. Plus, there's nothing there that would suggest behavior of running away and we couldn't find a single thing that would point us towards someone that would have it out for her." Emily reports, disappointedly. Hotch couldn't bring himself to go to your apartment. He would've broken down, seeing all the traces of you all over the place.

He doesn't need to go to know what it smells like. It smells like you. Like your perfume. He can picture it perfectly. Your room appears neat but there's a pile of clothes tossed in the back corner of your closet that you like to pretend isn't there.

There's probably a huge collection of half-empty coffee mugs on the bedside table. The stack of books on that same table is dangerously high, threatening to topple over. Each novel has post-it notes sticking out of the edges, and the pages are weathered and yellowed from reading them over and over. Running your fingers down those pages, over and over.

"Anything from the car, Garcia?" Hotch glances over as Garci places her laptop down on the table.

"No I just got through combing through and printing all these files for you and Reid," She shakes her head. There are tear stains down her cheeks but she's trying her best to be professional. She's tired of going through this. Of being scared of losing a member of her family.

"And you're sure these are all the case files from the past 6 months?" Reid raises a brow at Garcia.

"All of them except the one we just wrapped," She nods and sits down to get back to work, attempting to track all your calls from the past few weeks.

There's a pause.

It finally clicks with Hotch, "Oh my god. This last case." He nods, "It has to be something from this last case."

"That guy we questioned," Rossi points at Hotch, joining in his thought process, "What was his name?"

"Brian Wills," Hotch clenches his jaw tightly. "Track his phone records, his IP address, anything, and everything you can find out, Garcia."

"Okay, okay," She nods and pauses only to wipe a tear from her cheek. Morgan moves to lean over her shoulder, placing a comforting hand on her back as she works rapidly, "Okay he's... he made 3 repeated calls to the same number... it's a Virginia area code."

"His IP addresses? The phone number?" Hotch stands up, starting to pace impatiently. He rests one hand on his holster on his hip.

"Okay, the number belongs to Alex Cruz who... Oh my god," Garcia gets choked up and shakes her head slightly.

"Garcia, what is it?" Hotch is trying his best to be patient but quite honestly he doesn't even know how much time they might have.

"He just signed onto an anonymous chat room just an hour ago discussing the dropping off of a special package. Could that be her?"

Morgan lets out a small sigh, "Can you get any more of the chat logs? Can you figure out who he is talking to?"

"Okay, I'm going to try and track anything and everything." Garcia pulls up all the chat logs and Spencer soon rushes to stand behind her and overlook her computer screen.

"Wait go back," He states frantically. "There, there! They're meeting at the Air Force Memorial."

"How do you..." JJ scrunches up her face confused, "Two fucking feet from the Pentagon, these guys have some serious guts doing this to a federal agent in the federal government's territory."

"I have a trace on the other member of the chat room!" Garcia announces triumphantly.

"Let's go. Now." Hotch bellows and before anyone even has a chance to react he's already storming down the stairs towards the door.

You feel your body roll back and forth, colliding with the walls of what seems to be a trunk. Your wrists, ankles, and mouth are duct-taped. You can just faintly hear the radio playing loudly from the interior of the car and you can see a faint red glow in the trunk from the taillights. If you could just peel back the rug enough to punch out the tail light.

You claw at the carpeting in the trunk getting rashes and rug burn as you struggle. "Fuck," You curse against the tape across your mouth. You start to panic, unable to get the carpet up. Your heart rate increases. You've been scared out of your fucking mind this whole time but this is when it starts to set in. Once they hand you over to whoever they plan on giving you to, that could be it. This wasn't supposed to happen.

You just didn't expect everything to come crashing down around you. Things weren't supposed to end like this. You can't breathe. With every inhale, it feels as if your lungs are screaming for more oxygen. Your skin is on fire. This isn't the ending you deserve. This isn't how the story ends for you, it can't be.

The car comes to a sudden stop. The trunk is yanked open. The man, the apparent leader of the duo, yanks you out of the trunk, bringing you to your feet. He walks a few steps and sits you down on a small park bench facing the Air Force Memorial. You recognize it. You can see the pentagon just a few hundred feet away.

The irony of it all. Safety just within reach. But it's the dead of night. No one is around. There are no cars on the streets. The lights of every building are dark. You feel the cold barrel of a gun press into your side as another man approaches the two of you.

"I thought you said she was in perfect condition." You squeeze your eyes shut at the voice. You can't take this any longer.

"Matt got a little out of control but she's practically perfect." The man holding you replies.

"I want a lower price," He argues back.

"No fucking way-"

Just as he starts to speak you see the flashing lights through your closed eyes, you can hear the sirens. But relief has yet to find its way into you. The man yanks you up and you open your eyes.

Aaron.

You lock eyes with him immediately.

"Alex Cruz! We have you surrounded, let her go now!" He bellows loudly. You can practically feel the anger radiating off of him from where you stand.

The man tucks the gun up closer into your ribs. "One more step and I'll kill her!"

"Please," You manage to choke out softly, "He'll kill you. Just let me go and you'll live." You attempt to negotiate with him but he jams the gun into you harshly and you cry out.

"Just shut up!" He yells at you. That's when you finally turn your attention to Aaron. You don't know what to do. If these are your last moments... what do you say? You can't die. It'll break him. He won't be able to go on.

All you can manage to do is mouth a small 'I'm sorry' to him.

A shot rings out. You feel your body falling as if in slow motion. In the instant just before your head hits the pavement, your whole world goes black.

* * *

Your eyes flutter open slowly. Bright lights practically blind you. You want to raise your arm up to cover your face but something weighs you down. Your head is pounding as you tilt your attention down to Hotch's head resting on your arm. A series of small snores come from his mouth and you can't stop the spreading smile.

You reach the other arm up and hold your head slightly. You feel the bandage wrapped around it and wince as you touch a sore spot on your head. You desperately try to remember what happened. The team showed up. The unsubs weren't going down without a fight. One of them pulled you with him. You shut your eyes tightly, wishing the images away. The fluorescent overheads in the hospital room blur your vision as you try to open your eyes. You look back down at Aaron's head resting on your arm.

You reach down and run your fingers through Aaron's hair slowly. You run your nails over his scalp. Half of them are cracked and your fingers are bloodied from trying to tear the ropes off your wrists and ankles. The hospital has cleaned them up. You look down at your wrist, the one not being crushed by Aaron's head, and see the dark marks and dry skin from the rope burn. You grimace and sigh softly.

You return to running your fingers through his hair, gently massaging his head. You attempt to survey his face and health. His face is tired. You can see just how exhausted he is even now while he's sleeping. A small cut runs across his cheek and there's dark purple bruising around the cut on his cheekbone and under his eye. You trail your thumb just barely over the bruising. As you continue the feather-light touches on his face you see his eyes fluttering and he lifts his head from your arm.

He groans slightly and you let out a small wince as the pins and needles shoot up your arm as you finally regain feeling. It takes Hotch a minute to become a little less disoriented but his eyes snap up to you, "Oh my god you're awake." He jumps up and rushes to the door, waving over a nurse.

"Hotch," Your voice is hoarse and you clear your throat as he comes back with a nurse close behind. She takes a second to check you out, flashing a small light over your eyes, checking your pupils, and adjusting your meds. As she moves around you, Hotch stands a small distance away, waiting in the corner for the nurse to be done.

She updates both you and Hotch, letting you know that you're going to be sore for a few days but overall you're going to be fine. They had to drain a brain bleed from your fall when Hotch shot the man holding you so you probably will have quite a few headaches and concussion-like symptoms for a while. Your nose, thankfully, is not broken, just badly bruised. You'll be dealing with the healing process of that as well. But overall, you'll be fine.

Well. Fine is relative. Physically? You'll be back to normal before you know it. Emotionally? Psychologically? As the nurse leaves the room you can already feel yourself wondering when you will ever get better. Every member of the team has had their fair share of trauma and near-death experiences while on a case but you know that all of them have been permanently altered by those experiences.

You know you will never be the same person you were before this whole thing. It was only for 24 hours. You were missing for 24 hours. Crazy how one day can change your whole life.

Hotch makes his way back towards your bedside, taking his spot in the chair next to you. You pick at the bedsheets as your mind seems to be running into overdrive. Hotch gently places his hands over one of yours on the bed and you finally step out of your head to be present in this room with him.

"Aaron..." Your voice cracks. You're not crying. You can't seem to muster up any more tears. You've cried too much recently.

"Sh," He shushes you softly, trying to let you know that you don't need to speak. You don't need to do anything. He doesn't expect anything from you.

"I'm sorry," Your voice is just above a whisper.

Hotch's eyes remain on your hand in his and he rubs small circles on your skin, "I should've been there, I'm supposed to—"

"Aaron," You reach a hand forward and tilt his face up so he looks at you, "I am so incredibly sorry. For everything. For hurting you, for what I said, for being so... so terrified of everything."

Hotch leans forward, cupping your cheek with one of his large hands, "I'm sorry for the things I said. And I mean it, I love you," He kisses your forehead with a feather-light pressure and you shut your eyes as he does, biting back tears.

"Aaron," You repeat his name, trying to garner up the strength you need to look him in the eyes and keep talking. To say what you know you've needed to say for months now, "This isn't going to be easy... with me."

Hotch pulls away, his eyes running over your face confused, "What exactly do you mean by 'this'?"

"Us," You grip his shirt in your fist, keeping him pulled close to you, "I'm stubborn and terrible at communication and now... fuck I don't know how long it will take me to deal with everything that has happened with me today." The words are coming out faster than your brain can even keep up with. You're bad at communication and talking but now that the dam is broken it's all coming out, "And I can't promise I'll be any better than I have been. I'm probably going to bottle things up and push you away and avoid talking about things—" Before you have a chance to continue rambling, Aaron lets out a small laugh and stands up.

You look up at him, confusion spreading across your face and he smiles, "Slide over." You scoot over in the bed and Hotch slides next to you, wrapping his arms around you. His grip is tight, he doesn't want to let you go but it's also gentle enough to make sure he doesn't hurt you.

"You know I was talking there, Aaron," You say softly but burrow in close to him.

"You were rambling," Aaron rubs your arms gently as he pulls you in closer.

"I was trying to express my feelings," You groan in frustration, a hand going to hold your head, "It's hard for me, okay?"

"I know it's hard for you, but I know that you're trying your best and I can't ask anything more from you." God he just always knows exactly what to say.

You let out a long breath, clutching his shirt in your fists. You glance up at him at the same time as he looks down on you, "I..." You pause and smile softly, "I love you." As the words leave your mouth you glance back down, attempting to rest your head against his chest but Hotch tilts your face back up to press a soft kiss to your lips.

"I know," He mumbles against them.

"I mean it, Aaron," You shift a little in his arms, "I'm not all whole and healed and perfect and ready for this relationship."

"I know," He repeats.

"Is that all you know how to say?" You tease playfully.

"Can I just be happy that you're alive for a few more minutes before we get into all that stuff?" Hotch kisses you again.

You laugh softly and the room fills with silence for a second as you sink into your thoughts, "God I am really fucking glad that I never called an uber that night," You grin wider.

"Me too," Hotch mumbles as he rests his chin atop your head.

Crazy how one passion-filled night could cause so much pain and pleasure, yet bring you so much love.


End file.
